Name: John "Spike" White
Email: willkill4food@earthling.net
Location: Utica, America!!
Date: Saturday, May 29, 2004 at 22:56:02
Used deity ad: Well, It's good for your soul, or your nose. I think its like..a ghost or something, either that or a kleenex. Hmm, I think it still has some green stuff in it. Holy Green Stuff! Wowsers!
Name: Mike
Email: mikbry24@yahoo.com
Location: Southern States, USA
Date: Monday, April 12, 2004 at 12:11:02
Used deity ad: Free to Empty Heart: One Savior, Jesus Christ, crucified, risen and coming again with life and liberty to all who believe. Patient, loving and kind, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance, to which His kindness leads us. Gives 2nd, 3rd and 4th........(you get the picture) chances....is faithful and just to forgive us of our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. Will never leave you, nor forsake you. Always there, whether or not you believe Him, see Him, or honor Him. Carries you through the tough times, walks with you during the good times. Will be your knowing guide through ALL times, if you'll let Him. Best if believed in by what He says about Himself, not what everyone else thinks. (see Scripture) but will still be there despite what Agnostics, Atheists, Anarchists or any other "ic" or "ist" has to say. Stop filling the void with other "stuff" and try this free, but not cheap, Jesus.
Name: Joseph
Email: josephsparks@ekno.com
Location: Conyers, GA, USA
Date: Monday, April 5, 2004 at 21:36:02
Used deity ad: I got a god for sale. Some God!!! He set there and watched me go through a life of hell while i cursed his name. He watched me with a knife at my wrist and didn't pull it away, but all i could think was there is something else. there must be something else. He watched my brother get me addicted to drugs. He watched me get teased every single day. He walked around looking at me while i set in a mental instatitution for being crazy. and at my lowest point.. you want to know what he did? While i was sitting in another mental institution for wanting to kill myself, because i had nothing in life worth living for.. I even tried praying the last night i was in there.. he saved me. Not only did he save me he gave me something that everything else in the pathedic world could not, he gave me a joy for life. a reason for being. He gave me his son Jesus Christ knowing that i would look at his followers and tell them fuck your God he isn't real. In the midst of me having nothing to live for and nothing to give i gave it all and he gave me his all. He made me His adopted son. He became my father. Not some dead beat never around dad like mine. He loved me and gave me life. not this pathic existance of get a job get married and die but everlasting life life with The one Who loves me more than ANY other. He is God. He is for sale. today and forever more until the day you die at the cost of your heart. Which it isn't much a bad deal he takes your heart he heals it and makes you into this radicle new creation. Praise God! shoot i ain't givin him up but he has enough to go around for anyone who ask :) God just wants to love you let him in.
Name: Na'weh
Email: yes_im_atheist@yahoo.com
Location: Memphis, TN
Date: Thursday, March 4, 2004 at 00:40:49
Used deity ad: I have for sale one Allah who hates women, but loves men. He is very anal about how clean you are and when your wife is on her period. All for the price of losing your friends, family, and personal sanity @ $10,000 a year. I also have a 3 in 1 combo God available for those who just can't get enough of God. He tells you, you have free will, but at the end of time he will punish you and send you to hell for that free will he personally gave you. I also have assorted gods available in any yoga position at no extra cost to you as long as you stand on your head once a day. Then last but not least I have a ton of books and clothing to go along with your godly lifestyles. I have the following: holy bible, quran, cross, pray rug, hijab and niqab set, long skirts and shirts, and other face veil items including gloves and sunglasses. Oh I almost forgot I have a free instunction manual on how Allah would love for you to wipe your ass in specific anal ways everytime you have to take a dump. You have a blssed day and yall come back! ya hear!
Name: Na'weh
Email: yes_im_atheist@yahoo.com
Location: Memphis, TN
Date: Thursday, March 4, 2004 at 00:40:34
Used deity ad: I have for sale one Allah who hates women, but loves men. He is very anal about how clean you are and when your wife is on her period. All for the price of losing your friends, family, and personal sanity @ $10,000 a year. I also have a 3 in 1 combo God available for those who just can't get enough of God. He tells you, you have free will, but at the end of time he will punish you and send you to hell for that free will he personally gave you. I also have assorted gods available in any yoga position at no extra cost to you as long as you stand on your head once a day. Then last but not least I have a ton of books and clothing to go along with your godly lifestyles. I have the following: holy bible, quran, cross, pray rug, hijab and niqab set, long skirts and shirts, and other face veil items including gloves and sunglasses. Oh I almost forgot I have a free instunction manual on how Allah would love for you to wipe your ass in specific anal ways everytime you have to take a dump. You have a blssed day and yall come back! ya hear!
Name: teara
Location: houston,Texas, u.s.a.
Date: Monday, March 1, 2004 at 12:51:53
Used deity ad: domit it
Name: religionlies
Email: admin@religionlies.com
Date: Saturday, February 7, 2004 at 23:25:28
Used deity ad: one god for sale. "all-powerful, all-knowing, and all-loving" according to the manual. may not be compatible with intelligence. salvation not guaranteed. NOTE: product is for sale "as-is", may not be in working condition. Son not included. All this for only 10% of your gross annual income. Surgeon's General Warning: May cause unwanted pregnancies.
Name: Terry Miller
Email: discgolfwebguy@aol.com
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Date: Thursday, January 29, 2004 at 09:34:56
Used deity ad: my message is so obviously superior no reasonable person would not choose me, but if you don't oh well, no heaven for you, just die and that's it... um, NAAH! How about this, I like this better:
I love you and I want you to live the right way. You must listen to my every order and if you question me, I may have an answer for you and I may not. You may not understand my big plan for you, but just understand that I know what's best for you. If you don't follow my every instruction, it is out of love for you that I will send you to a fiery inferno, and slow roast you where you will experience indescribable pain for eternity. Please know that I threaten you in this manner for your sake. Now, go watch cartoons. Group hug!
Name: Paul Wunder
Email: info@wunderama.com
Location: God Dam, Godimolla
Date: Monday, January 26, 2004 at 21:07:52
Used deity ad: You ask me if I have a God complex. I AM GOD. So come one and all and worship at my feet. You have my solom word I will NEVER ask you to cut off part of your penis! You can take it to the bank.
Paul Wunder
God
Name: Grady
Email: youallknowit@hotmail.com
Date: Friday, January 23, 2004 at 15:21:41
Used deity ad:
they should have little mice playing wit this right now..>Playdo is better then having just a toy spokes man_D,abastard1
Name: Helen
Email: helenpope@yahoo.co.uk
UK
Date: Friday, January 9, 2004 at 10:06:49
Used deity ad: FOR SALE: GOD model Christian one careful lady owner. Some bodywork required but lovely interior finish. Manuals provided. Full service history, genuine mileage.
£399 ONO
Name: God
Email: supreme_being@heaven.com
Date: Friday, January 2, 2004 at 19:39:01
Used deity ad: Goddammitt, quit trying to sell me!
Name: Ty
Email: ty@lostmachine.net
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Date: Thursday, January 1, 2004 at 09:22:39
Used deity ad: Used God for sale: Not great condition but has huge following. Kind, loving and generous on the outside. Insecure, jealous and intolerant on the inside. Has a great sense of humor and likes to play pranks (Genesis 22:1-2). Will grant salvation to believers only, even scumbags! Price: 1 golden calf or best offer. Good hearted, non-believers need not call.
Name: God Ess
Email: The Cosmos
Location: N/A, N/A
Date: Friday, December 12, 2003 at 20:00:23
Used deity ad: I am your one true deity whether you like it or not. I created you, and you shall return to me regardless of any and all circumstances. In fact, you just can't can't get away from me. I am you, and you are me. That voice in your head? My whispers. That's right, you are mine. Ahahahaha!
ALL mine!
Name: alex
Email: alex_alex68@hotmail.com
Date: Sunday, December 7, 2003 at 07:34:36
Used deity ad: ok
Name: Bradley Anonymous
Email: brad968767@yahoo.co.uk
Location: Wankville, (Cuntry) Satanland
Date: Thursday, November 13, 2003 at 08:26:53
Used deity ad: One fully poseable minor deity. Has power to grant wishes, ressurect dead pets and grandma, and comes with working penis (2 inches). Loves you even if you kick his balls! Choking hazard; has small testicles.
Name: GOD
Email: supreme_diety@heaven.com
Date: Thursday, November 6, 2003 at 21:38:25
Used deity ad: What the Fuck?!
Name: Martin
Email: martflakes@hotmail.com
Location: Plymouth, UK
Date: Saturday, October 4, 2003 at 17:21:46
Used deity ad: Going cheap, second hand saviour. Comes with voices in your head, promises of suffering and pain. Rules your life and takes your happiness and spits on it. Easily installed programming, but requires lots of Prozac or similar to uninstall if so required. Easier to swallow than really trying to make your own decisions. Genuine reason for sale. Now have new found aithiesism and sanity.
Name: brenda
Email: nfgurl8614@aol.com
Location: cleveland,oh, duh us
Date: Sunday, September 28, 2003 at 00:01:53
Used deity ad: religion+bible= just to keep people in check or in order
Name: The Mourning Star
Email: themourningstar@velvetgoth.mail.every1.net
Location: Southtown, USA
Date: Wednesday, September 17, 2003 at 08:24:12
Used deity ad: The Mourning Star has desended from the stars to bring its pain unto you. All who appose will scream in agony as acid pours from the skies. The Mourning Star's followers shall not worship, they shall become part of, and we will be known only as LEGION.
Name: Hooked On Phanatics
Email: m_4@outgun.com
Location: Boca Raton, U.S.A.
Date: Tuesday, September 9, 2003 at 13:25:41
Used deity ad: Are you lazy? Prefer to sleep in on sunday? Don't really know what direction to point to actually face Mecca? Had enough of the guilt of being unable/unwilling to live life of "devine" standards?
For a modest fee, I will give you my favorite diety.....me! That's right, I will shepard you in to salvation the easy, pain-free way. For $500.00 a month, or a convenient and cost saving one time, life long payment of $25,000, I will feed you all the salvation you can handle. No tenticles here, no pitchfork-like things, no lightening bolts from the sky either, just a reassuring word when you most need it. With your first payment, I will grant you 30 days of the greatest gift of all....you will not only be able to think for yourself, you will be encouraged to!! Get those checks in early, because once the 30 days are up, you will immediately, and arbitrarily be passed of to some other (far less accomodating) diety until payment has been received. Looking forward to serving all your hysterical cravings for religious direction.....the easy way!!
Name: Shaye
Email: plutootaku@yahoo.com
Location: Grand Rapids, MI, USA
Date: Thursday, September 4, 2003 at 18:46:19
Used deity ad: "One slightly used Jesus for sale. BEST OFFER. Damages include, nail wounds and psychological damages. Jesus claim's he can wash your car and wax it, he's also good for a backscratcher, however he's NOT guarenteeing salvation of any kind, so forget that. Please call 555-0666 if intrested!"
Name: fandango
Email: fandango@fan.ass
Date: Wednesday, September 3, 2003 at 18:09:12
Used deity ad: One pope (globetrotter-version), self-styled vicar of a weird god, overused but still in good state (just change the holy strings). Comes with a superpowers' mantle (cost: 1 million US$), and a whole bunch of purple-clothed minions. I can exchange it with a paganized Galileo or Bruno.
Name: Blayne Sapelli
Email: spytek2k@hotmail.com
Location: Newtown, USA
Date: Friday, August 29, 2003 at 17:30:46
Used deity ad: I will sell my very slightly used christian god for one of the following: 1. Total worldwide anarchist democracy being realized.
2. One hundred billion dollars.
PS: I'll throw in a brand new, unopened Satan if you can give me both!
Name: Blayne Sapelli
Email: spytek2k@hotmail.com
Location: Newtown, USA
Date: Friday, August 29, 2003 at 17:30:28
Used deity ad: I will sell my very slightly used christian god for one of the following: 1. Total worldwide anarchist democracy being realized.
2. One hundred billion dollars.
PS: I'll throw in a brand new, unopened Satan if you can give me both!
Name: Hal 9000
Email: hal9000@hal9000.hal
Date: Thursday, August 28, 2003 at 01:18:02
Used deity ad: AAA: buy one, take three. Directly from Vatican City, recently discovered god, just 2 millenia ago, fair conditions. Sold with revised manual. Highly remunerative fetich, no maintenance costs: only constant propaganda needed. Keep away from childrens and mothers-in-law.
Price: a stress-pill.
Name: Kscribe
Email: kscribe@hotmail.com
Location: reno, usa
Date: Saturday, August 23, 2003 at 20:34:50
Used deity ad: Herbert Armstrong, Wayne Carlson, Ozzie Englebart, Wild Bill Billingsley, GTA, are some of the fucked up minnions representing the hoooly gauud of the bable...Religion sucks! I learned this after 7 yrs of legalism. Fucking crazy how stupid people can be.
Kscribe, an Apathetic Agnostic.
Name: Spin
Location: Cambridge, England
Date: Thursday, August 21, 2003 at 04:55:58
Used deity ad: For Sale 1 David Beckham deity. Dazzles and shines better than any god. Many miracles under his belt, the most famous being his unearthly ability to 'bend it'. Has many followers worldwide (however, the vast majority have never visited the place of his origins). A compassionate diety who takes pity on the needy, sick, poor and those of questionable musical talent. One negative point, while most followers of gods stay loyal to their deity despite wars, famine etc, as soon as Beckham puts a foot wrong this followers will completely slate him, until her scores a winning goal....then they become loyal again....
Name: lucus
Email: sleepless_019@hotmail.com
Location: bournemouth, UK
Date: Tuesday, August 19, 2003 at 10:47:27
Used deity ad: elvis, thought to be dead but alive and kicking in coventry, England. Was a king now a God due to his still growing fan base. worship of this god may course the need for hip replacements later in life due to large amount of jive and swing needed. going for just £19.95 or will swap for a copy of royksopp melody AM.
err thank you very much.
Name: Dani
Location: Wolverhampton, UK
Date: Sunday, July 6, 2003 at 16:55:01
Used deity ad: For Sale - One slightly used Jesus.
Condition - Antique collectors item.
" The perfect gift for any first time religous buyer, not quite a god but not quite a man - many doubt the power of a man in sandals but for your first time religous buy Jesus is a must."
Reason For Sale: I found out in Spain they call Jesus "hey-sus" and its alot more common there.
Trades : Im willing to trade for a Allah, or perhaps two Arch angels.
Atleast 4 Saints from monolithic religions or nearest offer.
Contact: Iwantmyjesus@evil-pop.com
Name: Aristodikos Kouros
Date: Thursday, June 19, 2003 at 11:02:30
Used deity ad: I am the messiah of my personal god, but since so many people doubt his existence I decided it best not to admit to this Messiahdom in case I stopped existing as well.
Name: Aristodikos Kouros
Date: Thursday, June 19, 2003 at 11:02:23
Used deity ad: I am the messiah of my personal god, but since so many people doubt his existence I decided it best not to admit to this Messiahdom in case I stopped existing as well.
Name: Levin Nabashin
Email: genesis_impact@yahoo.com
Location: City of Dis, Nope, I never listen to it.
Date: Wednesday, June 11, 2003 at 02:01:04
Used deity ad: I used to worship myself, and view myself as a personal God... but damn! I suck. So now I just beat people at random, 'till I feel better.
Name: Animus
USA
Date: Tuesday, June 10, 2003 at 00:43:02
Used deity ad: Savior On A Stick. One owner. Good condition, with a few nail holes. Slightly delusional (thinks he's the son of some god thing...). Asking 12 Silver OBO.
Name: lager
Email: lager_beerlegion@yahoo.com
Location: springfield, u.s.a.
Date: Thursday, June 5, 2003 at 12:08:42
Used deity ad: one JEBUS slightly used, appeared in episode of the simpsons. god of beer and gambleing. good as an excuse for war murder and anything else you may think of. priced to sell. $999.99 O.B.O.
Name: no one
Location: no where,
Date: Wednesday, June 4, 2003 at 01:39:12
Used deity ad:
one used mirror; $5.00
Name: Jesus
Date: Tuesday, June 3, 2003 at 22:06:46
Used deity ad: If you are sheep then you definately need to buy one of my shepards. Slightly used, but who isn't? Just don't leave em alone w/ the kids, it may lead to lack of personality, lost individuality, and anal bleeding
Name: Mark Gallow
Email: n/a
Location: I'll tell you when christians stop preaching,
Date: Tuesday, June 3, 2003 at 01:29:56
Used deity ad: STOP, STOP IT NOW, ENOUGH WITH THE FUCKIN BEVER JOKES!!!!!!!!!
Name: Mark Gallow
Email: n/a
Location: GraveYard,
Date: Tuesday, June 3, 2003 at 01:17:39
Used deity ad: "God for sale, was $777, now reduced to clear at $666 lol"
Name: Mark Gallow
Email: n/a
Location: Whever,
Date: Tuesday, June 3, 2003 at 01:13:38
Used deity ad: "God for sale, hang on? that's my old sock!"
Name: Jason
USA
Date: Wednesday, May 28, 2003 at 16:07:10
Used deity ad: For Sale: One God for sale. Mint condition. Comes with a shitty owners manual. Price: 29.25
4.95 S/H
Name: Thomasina
Email: Thomasina@nomail.net
Location: Babylon, Ting
Date: Thursday, May 22, 2003 at 17:20:52
Used deity ad: For sale:- God/Jehovah/Lord/Father/Whatever.
Been following me about since primary school. Sends minions to my doorstep to break my will and take my money. Takes credit for all the cool stuff and blames you for the bad. Not smitten anything for a while. House trained. Belief not included. Free to god home.
Name: Snuff
Email: satanslittlehelper@fierydemon.com
Location: Hotsburg, Hell
Date: Saturday, May 10, 2003 at 05:11:40
Used deity ad: Lord Contradictory
Let go of your common sense and BELEIVE!!! in the name of your lord. I will make sure that all evil prevails and no good that is promised in my latest book (The Bible revised with all the bullshit that can be argued replaced with even more bullshit that can still be argued by no one who beleives). So follow me as I say that everyone will go to a really great place which doesn't exist. see u there.
Name: Snuff
Email: satanslittlehelper@fierydemon.com
Location: Hotsburg, Hell
Date: Saturday, May 10, 2003 at 05:11:24
Used deity ad: Lord Contradictory
Let go of your common sense and BELEIVE!!! in the name of your lord. I will make sure that all evil prevails and no good that is promised in my latest book (The Bible revised with all the bullshit that can be argued replaced with even more bullshit that can still be argued by no one who beleives). So follow me as I say that everyone will go to a really great place which doesn't exist. see u there.
Name: Jon
Email: poppela2sizzel@wmconnect.com
Location: Cleveland, US
Date: Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 20:01:32
Used deity ad: BFG...big fucking guns
Name: Fluffy the Pig
Email: mustals@cwcom.net
Location: Emerald, Oz
Date: Friday, April 18, 2003 at 10:04:01
Used deity ad: One used Yahweh type God, childrens version would suite 7-10 year old, includes convent school education with much valuable acedemic time spent learning god related myths by rote, plus almost daily hand beatings by large black & white 'nuns' using a stylish heavy leather strap to re-enforce myth recital, includes visits to local church to attend marriages, weddings & funerals at the drop of a hat.
Willing to exchange for a decent education plus a chance at a biology or computer science degree.
Name: Lee Arnold
Email: TeknoEspirin@hotmail.com
Location: Somewhere, Australia
Date: Wednesday, April 9, 2003 at 00:10:27
Used deity ad: For Sale: 1 God.
Used, slightly damaged, but still in good condition. Only 3 days old, vulnerable to reality, rationale and common sense. Cheap at $2, the price of the beef pie that I want today.
Name: Adonai
Email: tetragrammatonyodhevowheadonai@hebrews.com
Date: Thursday, April 3, 2003 at 05:51:33
Used deity ad: Have choices always been a problem for you? Do you need someone strong to guide you? One (1) used deity for sale, complete maual of instruction provided by lithium-deprived inbred-kings and several dead popes' and cardinals. You must be deaf, dumb, blind and born to follow, and need someone strong to guide you. Must also be open to betrayal and complete lack of intervention throughout your adherance to blind faith. For the low, low price of your intelligence, logic, morals, and sanity.
Name: blah
Email: none@donte-mailme.com
Date: Wednesday, April 2, 2003 at 18:52:33
Used deity ad: kill a gay baby seal for christ
Name: Steve
USA
Date: Saturday, March 22, 2003 at 04:19:50
Used deity ad: For Sale: One very badly damaged deity found hovering in a corner in the back of my brain. Severe damage inflicted, possibly due to reality beating the shit out of it. Price: 19.95 or whatever you wanna pay.
Name: Evagilon
Email: evagilon@Hotmail.com
Location: San Diego, ca
Date: Saturday, March 15, 2003 at 22:42:01
Used deity ad: For sale...one slightly used deity, Srotum the balony juice catcher.
Name: George Bush
Email: president@whitehouse.gov
Location: Washington, USA
Date: Thursday, February 27, 2003 at 18:07:44
Used deity ad: George Bush
The right hand of the biggest lord that ever lived, delight’s in the holly education and maintenance and then delightful execution of evil doers everywhere on behalf of my weak, thoughtlessly mean little sheep.
Follow me but don’t watch what I do, or compare that to what I say.
God bless you for doing all the things I want you to
Name: collins
Email: santos1@fresnomail.com
Date: Monday, February 10, 2003 at 05:03:28
Used deity ad: iterested in African gods? then get in contact with the godguy now
Name: kolynx tyreck odigwe
Location: Lagos, Nigeria
Date: Monday, February 10, 2003 at 05:02:05
Used deity ad: interested in African gods, then contact the godguy now.
Name: Alan Nigueza
Email: Xashikolauk@hotmail.com
USA
Date: Monday, February 3, 2003 at 23:53:50
Used deity ad: I submit god is my hamster, Howard. He's furry, cuddly, and created the universe in only 7 days. Pretty good for such a little guy!
Name: Radis
Location: Neverland, If
Date: Friday, January 31, 2003 at 10:37:42
Used deity ad: FUCK ALL THE GODS AND RELIGIONS AND WHOEVER INVENTED THEM AND WHOEVER HELPS TO PERPETUATE THE SUFFERING THEY BRING TO MANKIND. AMEN.
Name: Omar
Email: slipknot_pr@msn.com
Location: Trujillo, PR
Date: Sunday, January 19, 2003 at 14:54:35
Used deity ad: talena
Name: natasha
Email: nattybunny@hotmail.com
trinidad
Date: Thursday, January 16, 2003 at 21:10:38
Used deity ad: i dont realy have one ijust like to study all of them
Name: shamash- i mean apollo - ishtar- no venus what? The flood?
Email: Itsallabunchofmythicalbull@hotmail.com
Location: New York, NY,
Date: Thursday, January 16, 2003 at 10:55:41
Used deity ad: I've got a used yahweh vs. Allah vs. jesus three way fighting match game for sale - its interesting to note that all three of them are stuck together- as if they were one. And it has many hands. One hand holds a cross with which it beats the blobs body, the other holds a scimitar with which it slashes itself and the other one just takes sides depending on the circumstances. As you can imagine its in pretty bad shape so I won't charge too much - needs a cash refill about once a day to keep it going.
Name: sophie
Email: zah2aneh@hotmail.com
Location: Lille, France
Date: Saturday, January 4, 2003 at 14:52:05
Used deity ad: i have an original "Allah" for sale due to converting , a bit old but it was hardly ever used , for external use only , sold to the highest bidder .
Name: Andrew
Email: BigRedMachine_CJ7@hotmail.com
Location: Haysville, usa
Date: Saturday, January 4, 2003 at 06:58:56
Used deity ad: FOR SALE
1991 Christian God
faith broken, bad salvation milege, high unfullfiled profocies $777 obo
Name: Godless
Email: TheFunkstronaut@aol.com
Location: Westland, MI., USA
Date: Friday, December 27, 2002 at 02:46:06
Used deity ad: Well, a few years ago, when I was in the ARMY, a few friends and I got really drunk and dressed up a pine-apple in a purple lei. We took this pine-apple to a local bar and dubbed it, The Pine-apple God. Ever since then, Ive never been busted for a DUI, so it seems to work. Price: $1.89, plus $.99 for the lei. Found at local grocery stores.
Name: Ian
Email: ian@ianramsey.net
Location: Kansas City, USA
Date: Thursday, December 26, 2002 at 12:10:13
Used deity ad: Mint condition 4-door used deity. Heated seats, all leather interior. Only one owner, used by old granny to drive to church on Sundays. Useful as justification to prove other people wrong. Invaluable for that polititian in the family. Your ego will never be the same. Price: Your dignity.
Name: keith stansted
Email: keithstansted@yahoo.com
Location: manchetser, uk
Date: Sunday, December 8, 2002 at 17:25:00
Used deity ad: 1 used christian god, offers unconditional love, only condition believe in me or be damned for all eternity! No sex before marriage or masturbation but offers cool crucifix art.
Name: Chicken Little
Email: chacknlittle@yahoo.com
Location: Nashville, USA
Date: Friday, November 29, 2002 at 10:20:40
Used deity ad: For sale: worship rights to TV, sports, technology, the Internet, money, and self. Found all these "teases" to give great "head" during the anticipatory phase, but "peter out" when it comes time to deliver in the long run. Return on investment always falls "short", leaving behind socially transmitted diseases of disappointment, self-loathing, debt, and being forced to recognize allegiance with other, simalarly diluded fatheads. Successful bidder need only close eyes and ears to the obvious, and take over payments.
Name: Lance the Atheist
Email: cat_family6@hotmail.com
NZ
Date: Wednesday, November 20, 2002 at 13:23:24
Used deity ad: I have a MINT CONDITION (stolen) Allah, I will sell him for $100 NZD, you MUST LOCK HIM UP, remember what he did on September 11, 2001?
Name: Vanessa
Email: lunapapillion69@earthlink.net
Location: Kansas City, Smack dab in the middle of bible belt USA
Date: Monday, November 18, 2002 at 22:58:00
Used deity ad: Newly formed god looking for ownership investors. Special deals to fanatical christians, jews, or muslims looking for new opportunity. No longer do you have to read and twist your holy books, this god comes with no manuel. Therefore, you can make up your own dogma with impunity. Requires constant worship and subserviance. First comers can become leaders in this newly formed religion and make oodles of money in this new, pyramid-type, investment by recruiting other investors--only requirement is a loud, booming, and menacing speaking voice. Pick and choose what defines a sin, and your choice of what peoples to oppress and hate. Limited time to get in on the ground floor! No guarantees, and no proof of existence is provided with investment. Act fast, gullible people are abundant and plentiful.
Name: Shedona Chevalier
Email: dotcrap@techie.com
Date: Saturday, November 9, 2002 at 11:19:45
Used deity ad: Free for the taking: one used Satan. Benefits:
great sex (with Him and others, many others),
total-package ticket out of Christianity,
personalized autocentric mythology tailored to
your specifications, delusions of grandeur that
persist in others' consciousness as well, "you
and me against the world" companionship
unsurpassed by any other. Teaches self-
mastery with an impeccable blend of indulgent
encouragement and sadistic discipline. At end
of journey, will release you into bona fide 100%
rational atheism unless you resist. Reason for
selling: end of our journey together long since
reached and mission accomplished. Enjoy!
Name: josh
Email: filth0@yahoo.com
Location: chi-town, usa
Date: Tuesday, October 29, 2002 at 13:21:52
Used deity ad: please some one give me pics (nude or not)of talena Atfield?
Name: yes
Date: Monday, October 28, 2002 at 14:55:18
Used deity ad: stop it! stop whining!
Name: KF1427
Email: mpedersen65@msn.com
Location: New York City, NY
Date: Friday, October 25, 2002 at 11:36:26
Used deity ad: My Deity is more of a voice and he enjoys moping around and killing people please take him away and i agree NUDE talena Atfield pics please
Name: Secular Anarchy
Email: hmiller@no-income-tax.com
USA
Date: Sunday, October 13, 2002 at 13:14:50
Used deity ad: Available for all occasions, weddings, funerals, etc. Can be used before words like “Dam it” or after “Oh”. Great for brainwashing, but not as good as a Jedi’s force. Operators handbook included (bible).
Price: 10% of your income for life.
Name: Audacious Man
Email: audaciousman@yahoo.com
Date: Wednesday, October 9, 2002 at 08:58:48
Used deity ad: One God for sale. Can't see him, feel him, touch him or hear him. Completely unreliable. Price: Give me everything you got.
Name: Radis
Email: cd208@gre.ac.uk
Location: If, Neverland
Date: Monday, October 7, 2002 at 12:10:51
Used deity ad: Used, popular god to sell(BARGAIN!!!)
Answers to the name of Jehova, God, Allah, Bastard...or whatever you like.
Reason: out-dated, off-the-wall & too expensive to run. Price: I'll pay you.
Name: Troy Truchon
Email: sybertrogg@linuxmail.org
Location: Bakersfield CA, usa
Date: Saturday, October 5, 2002 at 00:05:03
Used deity ad: One diety for sale, mostly used for ceremonial diesm, responds to "god damn it".
Name: wheeeeeee
Email: uraeus18@msn.com
Location: Heliopolis,
Date: Tuesday, September 24, 2002 at 22:24:40
Used deity ad: I'm looking for a sun god, preferably of egyptian make. New or late models OK. Vengeful preferred but benevolent will be grudgingly accepted. At least 1,000 years experience would be nice but at this point I'll take any applicant regardless. Ability to smite is a must, and needs to have caused at least one war. In return for their services sacrifices of small childern and misc. endangered animals will be provided on a regular basis. If you have any information or wish to apply please e-mail me, or preform a random act of distruction to get my attention. Noonish would be a good time for that random act of destruction. Or apply in person, or a form mortals can comprehend.
Name: Tre
Email: AtheistWomn@aol.com
Location: Okc, U.S.A.
Date: Thursday, September 5, 2002 at 21:23:21
Used deity ad: This is a all-knowing God that became flesh to save humans from his wrath.Must believe in myths and the power of superstition.Have to be male for this God dose not think females are worthy.Be willing to give up live,self,and the power to think for your self.Must spend your life in book worship to make him happy.Will give to a home that belive in the power of myths.So come ye fools and get a free opportunity to go to heaven if you will buy that I will give you Jesus for free.
Name: abu nidal
Email: docatomvik@aol.com
Location: Iram, South of Oz
Date: Monday, September 2, 2002 at 22:27:42
Used deity ad: Kiegremm, Bokrug, Crom, and Youflenn seek employment as imposters for the four horsemen. They have been bound by the crimson bands of Cytorrak for over three hundred years, and promise that they will only use their powers of destruction to enact revenge on the following entities:
-Dr. Steven Strange
_Lucifer(the light bringer)
-George W Bush
_Gerald Ford
_Lt. Sergeant Bob Alford
-The man called "MANN"
_The Girl From B.O.L.T.
_Red Sonja
-Conan the Cimmerian, and all his offspring, and all THEIR offspring, and everyone associated with them.
Name: Keri Stevenson
Email: anadrel@hotmail.com
Location: Lexington, United States
Date: Saturday, August 31, 2002 at 19:34:38
Used deity ad: Overworn, very used and battered, completely unexpected deity. Reduced to vague perceptions and fears about 'something up there.' Ejected since I am moving to a new, clean mind and cannot keep. Free to home where it will be treated kindly until it dies of starvation (estimated time 2-4 weeks).
Name: chisomo 9 tranalated from the bantu language to english means 'the grace of God'
Location: MK, England
Date: Wednesday, August 28, 2002 at 14:56:20
Used deity ad: im not selling my God. I dont need to because i love him and he loves me and looks after me. He comes free to everyone and anyone whos willing. What has happened in your lives that you hate somthing you dont understand or know of so much? why do you fear God so much? becasue maybe the truth hurts and you dont want to face God becaue you'll realsise things about yourself that you want to keep hidden.WEll dont be scared, take it all to the Lord Jesus christ and he will be there for you. Hate me, Hate God if you wish after all he does give us that choice. But choose God and the knolegde of eternal life and grace and love that lasts forever.
Name: James Russell
Email: almightyllama@hotmail.com
Location: Kingston Upon Hull, United Kingdom
Date: Monday, August 19, 2002 at 20:09:51
Used deity ad: One Anglican God, surprise birth present from atheist father and Catholic mother (and how's that for a compromise?). Used once, no good, batteries obviously not included. Buy this and get FREE: concept of heaven and hell, original sin, reincarnation, islamic world dominance, sacred cows and let's-bend-our-own-rules Eruvs. What a bargain!!!
Name: Steven
Email: steven555453@yahoo.com
Location: Glasgow, USA
Date: Thursday, August 15, 2002 at 21:48:35
Used deity ad: FOR SALE: Used deity. Good condition. Known to suffer from multiple personality disorder. Warning: May be hazardous to your health. Has been known to manipulate minds and give false promises of treasures and utopianism. Handle with Care. First offer will be accepted.
Name: James "Blank" Matchett (not my real name but it sounds cool)
Email: serra666advocate@hotmail.com
Location: Goes, Netherlands, the
Date: Thursday, August 15, 2002 at 14:43:18
Used deity ad: God for free! Totally unused. I found it somewhere when i was cleaning my mind. 'HE' will be there for you when you need to talk (blahblahblah) and he will be your receptionist when you get to heaven.
Name: Megan MacDonald
Location: Thompson, MB, Canada
Date: Monday, August 5, 2002 at 22:35:41
Used deity ad: FOR SALE: God in all His sizes, shapes, and forms. Practically new! Only used by my irritating shoudler angel (so glad I killed that little fucker) when those door to door Bible Thumpers used to come to the house. Asking price: a rock off the street or best offer
Name: WoodWose
Email: greena@rogers.com
Location: toronto, Canada
Date: Saturday, August 3, 2002 at 09:03:45
Used deity ad: USED! In EXCELLENT SHAPE! One deity known as Jehova. Unfortunately, the Jesus element went missing - but this God will be GREAT for the Jewish home. Buy now, and recieve a complete set of Talmud as well, along with your very own ark complete with Ner Tameed!
Name: nsg
Email: hayt2000@hotmail.com
Location: Tucson, USA
Date: Friday, August 2, 2002 at 02:55:14
Used deity ad: Thor, need I say more? By far the coolest deity. Hammer and cool hat included. Makes thunder.
Name: Richard F.
Email: primate2k2@hotmail.com
Location: Frostproof,
Date: Wednesday, July 31, 2002 at 15:51:05
Used deity ad: FREE TO ANY HOME:1 first century "prophet" who calims to be the son of God. Suffers from severe episodes of delusions and tends to have an inflated ego. At times he may hears voices and experiences hallucinations. I am unable to handle his eccentric behavior and emotional outburst.PLEASE TAKE HIM OFF MY HANDS,I'M AFFRAID HIS PSYCHOSIS MAY RUB OFF ON ME!!!
Name: Windy
Email: Windyoceanmoon@msn.com
Location: Coos Bay, OR,
Date: Monday, July 29, 2002 at 11:34:24
Used deity ad: One Classic Southern Baptist God for sale. Big Man in the Sky, long white hair and beard, booming voice. Suffers from Attention Deficit Disorder and Illusions of Grandeur. Buy now and also recieve Jesus as your personal Lord and Hypnotherapist for only the cost of your free thinking mind.
Name: Reformed Door Knocker
Email: onelifetolive@hell.com
Location: Way Down South In Dixie, The Land Of Cotton
Date: Sunday, July 21, 2002 at 23:40:09
Used deity ad: For sale - One used Jehovah. Have to sell now or will have to dispose of Him in the trash. He wants to destroy everyone who does not agree with Him. He changes his personality to suit his needs causing you to always be on the outs with him. He requires too much butt kissing. He will look the other way for some perverts, but destroy others for minor infractions. He expects you to forgive, but has to kill his own son in order to forgive you. Then he has his own group of followers who insist you must bug people on a Saturday morning and make a minimum quota of time knocking on doors or else you share the same fate as the rest of the world - buildings that are on fire will fall on you while the streets are flooded and people are yelling at you then your dead corpse will be eaten by hungry birds while Jehovah's people stand and watch the feast before they have to clean up the rest of the mess and be vegetarians for life.
Name: Charlotte Webb
Date: Saturday, July 13, 2002 at 20:08:36
Used deity ad: SOME GOD
Found by prodigal daughter in SOME pig stall. That's SOME God! How else can you describe the ultimate riddle, the paradox that answers all mysteries. You name it! That's what He/She/It is. Trickster? Terrorist? You name it. He can even commit suicide. The customer is always right. Even if the customer is an atheist. For this is no ordinary God, folks. This is the Unknown God I'm selling. This is DOV'S God. As Yul Brynner said, 'His God--IS God!'" So call toll-free 1-800-SOMEGOD or go to my website www.charlotte'swebsite.com
and get
HUMBLED.
Name: Kitten
Email: ShdwInLight@aol.com
Location: Norfolk, VA, USA
Date: Wednesday, July 10, 2002 at 19:21:03
Used deity ad: ***free to bigoted, unsexual, brutually mindless and ignorant home*** one god known as God (orignial, eh?). this chap seems to have made the world in one day... the world? who cares, just think how great he'll look on your coffee table! this emotionless piece of junk will "listen" to your prayers as you thank him for the crappy life he gave you and as you beg for more! as a bonus prize you'll also receive Jesus! this delusional madman of the Roman Era of Repression of Jews who thought he was the messiah, didn't quite finish the job. in fact, he didn't even stay dead! some sacrifice, eh? bring this homophobic, racist character into your heart and watch the corruption ensue! you can even pass it on to your children at no extra charge!
get your God today! (offer not valid for homosexuals, atheists, pagans, women, or people with open-minds and the smallest bit of intelligence. abuse of said God will result in a null and void contract during which absolutely nothing will happen except your puny brain-washed minds will fear eternal damnation in a place that doesn't exist by a deity that never was.) order today!
Name: Heretic Hannah
Email: h_finley@yahoo.com
Location: Prairie Village, USA
Date: Monday, July 8, 2002 at 13:37:37
Used deity ad: The Holy Schwa is a leftover
conciousness that survived from the
previous universe - complete with
semiomnipotent powers! First to
respond to this ad gets the title of First
Prophet and High Priest/Priestess of
the Holy Schwa. This deity is
brand-new and is guaranteed to have
never been worshipped! Disclaimer:
the Holy Schwa looks like a giant, navy
blue, upside down and backwards
lower case E, and small versions of it
are used in dictionary pronounciation
guides to symbolize the sound "uh." No
responsibility taken for death by
laughing of purchaser's friends due to
use of the Schwa.
Name: Lacey
Email: I_MISS_TWIGGY_86@yahoo.com
Location: Houston, U.S.A.
Date: Sunday, July 7, 2002 at 20:01:38
Used deity ad: Good Condition...Roman Catholicism/Southern Baptist Mix..15 years old..plenty of awards.
Name: Melanie Reinhiller
Email: knightgoby@yahoo.com
Location: Fargo,
Date: Thursday, July 4, 2002 at 12:28:06
Used deity ad: Yours for the taking! A parochial diety who glorifies female degradation, denies His followers higher education, discourages spending time with anyone not of the same faith even if it's a family member, and highly recommends beating your children regularly and publicly! Act now and you can have the Scapegoat Complex thrown in for good measure. This offer open only to those who feel the need to project self-loathing onto their loved ones, fear their natural impulses, and have no tolerance or compassion for others. As an added bonus, a mega-dose of self-righteousness is thrown in. Call 1-800-JW's-R-US for more info.
Name: Melvin Doyle
Email: hydelane@alltel.net
Location: Moultrie, United States
Date: Thursday, June 27, 2002 at 00:11:00
Used deity ad: One God,Passed down to me from my father.High mileage but has been maintained religiously with 10% of my fathers income for the past 50 years.This God does not tolerate well Homos,Atheists and Nonsubmissive Women.Best offer gets it.
Name: dsaf
Email: 12313
Location: a dfasdfasdf, fadfa
Date: Wednesday, June 26, 2002 at 02:56:10
Used deity ad: adfasf
Name: seven
Email: seven@doomedyouth.org
England
Date: Sunday, June 23, 2002 at 05:38:21
Used deity ad: One God for sale, unwanted christmas present, still in box hardly used. Reduced price due to a possible fault in hearing prayers.
Name: Sammidge
Email: anon@there/here.com
Location: Albury, Australie
Date: Tuesday, June 11, 2002 at 06:43:14
Used deity ad: For Sale: Vatican city. Now useless due to change in consumer trends toward buddhism. Urgent sale required to fund legal proceedings due to inappropriate management of choir boys. All remaining funds will be handed back to countries now rendered poor due to previous "salvation" so that assets can be used to buy the oppressed a lexus and an olive tree.
Name: baki
Email: bakibaki@basari.net.tr
Location: ankara, turkey
Date: Monday, June 10, 2002 at 17:47:04
Used deity ad: i want wisdom
Name: Pain
Email: FallenAngel.vol666@web.de
Location: MZ, Germany
Date: Monday, June 10, 2002 at 14:18:02
Used deity ad: .
Name: Ople
Email: letsg0killstuff@aol.com
Location: so cali, so cali
Date: Saturday, June 1, 2002 at 17:55:23
Used deity ad: I'm Looking for people who want to join me in a cult of people who want complete chaos and destruction.
Name: Sara
Email: ManiacJypsi@yahoo.com
Location: Portland, USA
Date: Wednesday, May 29, 2002 at 18:02:32
Used deity ad: For Sale: The God of Joseph Smith. Just over 100 years old, hardly used, VERY WEALTHY! This God gives men the right to have more than one wife, even though his followers decided against this rule. Also, this God offers a fun new dietary and fitness program - no alcohol, caffiene, staying up late (EVER), or sex for enjoyment...EVEN with your devoted spouse!
Adultery includes if your parents EVER, even once, had sex for pleasure...in order to determine your status, trace your family back ten generations and measure their adultery status. If any of these people were adulterers, YOU ARE TOO. Seriously. Adulterers, homosexuals, bisexuals, blacks, Asians, Canadians, Hispanics, Native Americans (excluding the Nephites and/or Laminites), single-wife-bearing husbands, childless mothers and unmarried or barren women need not apply. In fact, no women need apply.
Name: B.Shack
Email: the_b_shadck@hotmail.com
Location: Birmingham, England
Date: Wednesday, May 22, 2002 at 10:37:41
Used deity ad: I've tried to sell my God but so far I've had no takers. Still I've written an advertising poem to show you how stupendously, marvelously, wonderfully my God will look after you if you buy it.
ALL THINGS BAD AND HORRIBLE
Our lives bring frequent sorrows,
All types of stresses find.
God made these great afflictions,
And yet, God should be kind.
All things bad and horrible,
Our troubles stem from there.
God should be all loving but,
God doesn't seem to care.
Volcanoes hurl out fire,
And earthquakes crack the ground,
And tidal waves flood cities,
The people there are drowned.
All things bad and horrible,
Our troubles from there stem,
God should be all powerful,
God doesn't banish them.
We fear that mushroom cloud with,
Its radio-active dust,
God made the laws of science,
And knew they'd be abused.
All things bad and horrible,
Uranium atoms,
God put temptation in our way,
So we could make those bombs.
God made aids virus, spreading,
All germs that make you sick.
The people who believe this,
Should sort their minds out, quick
It's really quite illogical,
But Christian still believe.
From childhood they are taught these things,
until their senses leave.
Who wants to give a good home to a nice little God like that?
Name: dumbass
usa
Date: Friday, May 17, 2002 at 14:29:12
Used deity ad: the socalled God's biggest mistake? 'free-will'/power of choice, how to be so stupid? robots would have been better... o well, began as mud, end as mud, death rules, see? fossils don't support? who cares; man is the supreme power anyway, there is no purpose to life, and if any god IS LiFe, no thanks, rather not have it, even if once i did.
Name: B.Shack
Email: the_b_shack@hotmail.com
Location: Birmingham, England
Date: Thursday, May 16, 2002 at 11:51:00
Used deity ad: I was given my God at baptism and was not asked if I wanted it or not.
My God was looking the other way on September 11th, and during all the disasters that ever hapened to mankind.
I would willingly give my God away but I can't understand how any rational person would take it from me.
WARNING Unscrupulous people are always trying to sell Gods of this quality to you.
Name: Andrew Wallace
Email: caloe66@hotmail.com
Location: Northampton, UK
Date: Thursday, May 9, 2002 at 18:03:32
Used deity ad: Used deity ad: FOR SALE***FOR SALE***FOR SALE***FOR SALE Our Savior's Faeces!!! You all know that the cross on which our Savior hung would have had to have been extremly large or all the fragments of it offered for sale are fakes!! Well now, after years of extensive searching in the desert where Jesus spent his solitary reflection, I am pleased and proud to announce that I have collected and AUTHENTICATED THE SAVIORS SHIT!!! I need not tell you the obvious health benefits to be gained by the consumption of a sliver of the divine doodoo. ETERNAL LIFE ON EARTH WITHOUT THE PAIN OF PASSING ON when you eat the holy turd because it has the power, being genetically un-modified and pure, to CURE ALL AILMENTS!! To order all you have to do is send me an e-mail and I will send you details on how you can obtain the crap of Our Lord. Please bear in mind however that, unlike the cross on which He hung, His shit is of limited size and (and quantity) and the price will have to reflect the time and effort I spent in collecting the bottom boulders. This unrepeatable offer is set at £5000.00 per gramme but hurry; when it's gone, it's gone!!
Name: John Kirk Saddler
Email: fusionblade@hotmail.com
Location: Phoenix, USA
Date: Wednesday, May 8, 2002 at 20:22:31
Used deity ad: I am the greatest God!
Name: Whit16
USA
Date: Thursday, May 2, 2002 at 15:37:38
Used deity ad: GODS!! Plenty to choose from. Going out of business. Retiring. Getting too old to keep them in control. Especially Mohammed. Koran thrown in for free.Looking for a good home. Only thing promise to keep them locked up. (Look what happenened on 9/11. I went on vacation for a few days and left Mohammed with my faggot errand boy Osama to watch)
Name: Whit16
USA
Date: Thursday, May 2, 2002 at 15:37:03
Used deity ad: GODS!! Plenty to choose from. Going out of business. Retiring. Getting too old to keep them in control. Especially Mohammed. Koran thrown in for free.Looking for a good home. Only thing promise to keep them locked up. (Look what happenened on 9/11. I went on vacation for a few days and left Mohammed with my faggot errand boy Osama to watch)
Name: M. A. Connor
Email: mc312899@ohiou.edu
Date: Wednesday, May 1, 2002 at 11:51:30
Used deity ad: God- a good investment for those who are too stupid to understand the complexity of biology and the processes of evolution. It's also great for those who lack self-confidence!
Name: SecularOne
Email: horace_miller@hotmail.com
Date: Monday, April 29, 2002 at 02:27:07
Used deity ad: Doesn’t do crap but wait for people to confuse coincidence with miracles, or prayers answered. Needs new flame thrower.
Name: John Sager
Email: sager@byelectric.com
Location: Yankton, United States
Date: Saturday, April 27, 2002 at 20:34:44
Used deity ad: No longer performs miracles, just waits for them to happen. Has affairs with everyone wives. Highly reccommended!
Name: Jesse Fuller
Email: jeshii@hotmail.com
Location: Isla Vista, United States
Date: Thursday, April 25, 2002 at 02:17:28
Used deity ad: Pitsutsu! This one time offer of the garbage disposal and computer lab demon-thing is something you can't miss! He's big, fat, smelly, and lives in either your broken down computer lab or your garbage disposal! He loves omlettes and attracts lots of ants! Just imagine coming home to a completly horrible smelling room every day! Some chaote left him in my garbage disposal, and after a little convincing, he moved to the computer lab where I work. But you can now own the smelly, the putrid, the unbearable, Pitsutsu! Act now and Kozutsu, the god of speedy delivery from Japan to California will bless your next package.
Name: Robert T. Lee
Date: Thursday, April 18, 2002 at 23:11:08
Used deity ad: Hi, its Robert T. Lee, Head of the Society for the Practical Establishment and Perpetuation of the TEN COMMANDMENTS. I used to be a worshiper before my fanaticism reached an all time high. Now that I am God and all laws come from Me, I will now sell My glorius self to the highest bidder.
To give you a feel for My daily life, pay attention to My dairy entries, so that you may "know" Me.
12/13/01 YUMMY, MOOSE CUM! IT TASTES THE BEST WHEN ITS NICE AND ROTTEN! WHAT MAKES THIS ROAD-KILL I DRAGGED IN LAST NIGHT TASTE SO GOOD? I HOPE POKEMON IS ON, I REALLY WANT TO FUCK THOSE LITTLE ANIMALS WHEN DAD GETS HOME SO HE CAN JOIN IN! PLEASE, JESUS, PERFORM THE SECOND CUMMING IN MY MOUTH AND I PROMISE I'LL SHALLOW! *BUZZ* *BUZZ* VIBRATORS ARE GETTING SO BORING! I NEED JESUS'S LOVE IN ASS TO BE SAVED!
12/18/01 Opps, forgot to breathe! I am such an moron sometimes. Come here, Mom, your fat butt-cheaks get me off! Oh, sorry about the rug, Dad. NO! Don't cut off my thumb! AGGRAHHHH! Huff, huff. Blood! Cool! Lick it up! No, Dad, don't hit me! OW! It's okay, I got three on the other hand. Oh no, blood ticks! They're all over me! Better eat them. Tastes like Dad's hairy penis. I could use that right now. Come here, Dad, get me some hunk of incest love! UMMMM! YEESSS! AHHHH! Yes, that's right, Mom, sit on my face. Your fat, hairy cheaks feel so good against my cheaks. I NEED YOU MOMMY! I NEED YOU NOW!! YES! YES! THAT'S RIGHT, PISS ON MY FACE AND IN MY MOUTH! YES! YES! GOOD! GOOD! The people on the internet are bad! They say stuff I don't like! I LIKE THIS THOUGH! YES, MORE! MORE! Yes, Daddy, you can join in! Yes, more up the ass! No, too far, now I'm bleeding! Stop it Dad! Stop it! NOOOO!
12/21/01 Yes, more rags on my bleeding ass. Oh ow! So much pain! Why does God do this to me! I love Him so much! I NEED HIM! YES, LORD! Join me under my deck with all my Pokemon toys. They're kind of sticky, sorry. My dead aunt's body is also down there somewhere. The last time I tried to give her a hug, I got "feelings" and she hit me and called me a "prevert" Well now she's all MINE! Oh, sorry, I made more wettness down there. LOVE ME LORD! IN MY TIGHT LITTLE ASS!
12/23/01 Why won't the blood stop flowing? I prayed all night. I NEED Jesus! Oh, sorry, wettness again. Oh look at my sister, all fat and just lying there. I mean I could just put my penis in her while she sleeps! Oh no, she pissed on me, now I'm yellow like Pik-ah-choo! Better lick it off, nice. Now I hit her and call her bad. Oh no, I knocked her dead. Hmmmm, now she can't fight back. Dick in the hole, like Mommy showed me. YES!
12/31/01 OH GOD, I'M BLEEDING FROM BOTH ENDS AND MY SISTER'S DEAD! I want to suck on her nipple a little longer, but Dad won't let me, he wants some. And now he's hitting me in the mouth and my lip's bleeding. I kick him off my dead sister and then I suck a little longer on her nipple and her ass too. Dad now's behind me and he wants both me and my dead sister at the same time. I'm okay with that! I go into him and he goes into her! FUN!
1/02/02 My little penis hurts! PAIN! PAIN! I'M CUMMING BLOOD NOW! I NOW MAKE LITTLE DEAD SISTER DRINK IT, NOW I'M LIKE JESUS! YES, BLOOD OF THE LAMB, BLOOD OF THE LAMB!
1/03/02 Now Dad's really mad. He's saying "So you want your dick to be like Jesus." NO, DAD DON'T CUT MY PENIS WITH THAT RUSTY SAW! NO! No! He cut it off! Now he's nailing it to that big cross that he usually uses to burn on people's front lawns.
1/04/02 I WILL NOW GET DOWN ON MY KNEES AND WORSHIP MY BLEEDING PENIS! YES! MY PENIS IS THE ONE TRUE PATH OF SALVATION! IT'S BLOOD WILL BRING BACK DEAD SISTER SO I MAY FUCK HER SOME MORE!
1/09/02 I miss it already. Hey! Maybe I can fuck myself, then I'll achive true masturbation! I'll just present my ass to my God. Almost there! Ha! Out I missed that! Oh no, Dad's come up while I was busy and now he's nailing me to it! OW! My penis is now stuck up my ass! OW! DEAD SISTER HELP ME!
1/14/02 DEAD SISTER! I WANT TO FUCK YOU! But I can't! My little penis is stuck up my ass as I'm nailed to this cross! And dead sister is covered in my semen.
1/15/02 My daddy is great. HA HA HA. Oh shit, my piss came out of that hole where my dick was, now it's all other me! GAMES! GAMES! DADDY! IN MY MOUTH! COME ON! UHHHUUUHMMMHMHHUUMMMM! YES! YES! YES! DDDDDAAAAAAADDDDDYYYYYYYY I LOVE YOU!!! KILL ME! JESUS SAID SO!
Name: Robert T. Lee
Date: Thursday, April 18, 2002 at 23:10:20
Used deity ad: Hi, its Robert T. Lee, Head of the Society for the Practical Establishment and Perpetuation of the TEN COMMANDMENTS. I used to be a worshiper before my fanaticism reached an all time high. Now that I am God and all laws come from Me, I will now sell My glorius self to the highest bidder.
To give you a feel for My daily life, pay attention to My dairy entries, so that you may "know" Me.
12/13/01 YUMMY, MOOSE CUM! IT TASTES THE BEST WHEN ITS NICE AND ROTTEN! WHAT MAKES THIS ROAD-KILL I DRAGGED IN LAST NIGHT TASTE SO GOOD? I HOPE POKEMON IS ON, I REALLY WANT TO FUCK THOSE LITTLE ANIMALS WHEN DAD GETS HOME SO HE CAN JOIN IN! PLEASE, JESUS, PERFORM THE SECOND CUMMING IN MY MOUTH AND I PROMISE I'LL SHALLOW! *BUZZ* *BUZZ* VIBRATORS ARE GETTING SO BORING! I NEED JESUS'S LOVE IN ASS TO BE SAVED!
12/18/01 Opps, forgot to breathe! I am such an moron sometimes. Come here, Mom, your fat butt-cheaks get me off! Oh, sorry about the rug, Dad. NO! Don't cut off my thumb! AGGRAHHHH! Huff, huff. Blood! Cool! Lick it up! No, Dad, don't hit me! OW! It's okay, I got three on the other hand. Oh no, blood ticks! They're all over me! Better eat them. Tastes like Dad's hairy penis. I could use that right now. Come here, Dad, get me some hunk of incest love! UMMMM! YEESSS! AHHHH! Yes, that's right, Mom, sit on my face. Your fat, hairy cheaks feel so good against my cheaks. I NEED YOU MOMMY! I NEED YOU NOW!! YES! YES! THAT'S RIGHT, PISS ON MY FACE AND IN MY MOUTH! YES! YES! GOOD! GOOD! The people on the internet are bad! They say stuff I don't like! I LIKE THIS THOUGH! YES, MORE! MORE! Yes, Daddy, you can join in! Yes, more up the ass! No, too far, now I'm bleeding! Stop it Dad! Stop it! NOOOO!
12/21/01 Yes, more rags on my bleeding ass. Oh ow! So much pain! Why does God do this to me! I love Him so much! I NEED HIM! YES, LORD! Join me under my deck with all my Pokemon toys. They're kind of sticky, sorry. My dead aunt's body is also down there somewhere. The last time I tried to give her a hug, I got "feelings" and she hit me and called me a "prevert" Well now she's all MINE! Oh, sorry, I made more wettness down there. LOVE ME LORD! IN MY TIGHT LITTLE ASS!
12/23/01 Why won't the blood stop flowing? I prayed all night. I NEED Jesus! Oh, sorry, wettness again. Oh look at my sister, all fat and just lying there. I mean I could just put my penis in her while she sleeps! Oh no, she pissed on me, now I'm yellow like Pik-ah-choo! Better lick it off, nice. Now I hit her and call her bad. Oh no, I knocked her dead. Hmmmm, now she can't fight back. Dick in the hole, like Mommy showed me. YES!
12/31/01 OH GOD, I'M BLEEDING FROM BOTH ENDS AND MY SISTER'S DEAD! I want to suck on her nipple a little longer, but Dad won't let me, he wants some. And now he's hitting me in the mouth and my lip's bleeding. I kick him off my dead sister and then I suck a little longer on her nipple and her ass too. Dad now's behind me and he wants both me and my dead sister at the same time. I'm okay with that! I go into him and he goes into her! FUN!
1/02/02 My little penis hurts! PAIN! PAIN! I'M CUMMING BLOOD NOW! I NOW MAKE LITTLE DEAD SISTER DRINK IT, NOW I'M LIKE JESUS! YES, BLOOD OF THE LAMB, BLOOD OF THE LAMB!
1/03/02 Now Dad's really mad. He's saying "So you want your dick to be like Jesus." NO, DAD DON'T CUT MY PENIS WITH THAT RUSTY SAW! NO! No! He cut it off! Now he's nailing it to that big cross that he usually uses to burn on people's front lawns.
1/04/02 I WILL NOW GET DOWN ON MY KNEES AND WORSHIP MY BLEEDING PENIS! YES! MY PENIS IS THE ONE TRUE PATH OF SALVATION! IT'S BLOOD WILL BRING BACK DEAD SISTER SO I MAY FUCK HER SOME MORE!
1/09/02 I miss it already. Hey! Maybe I can fuck myself, then I'll achive true masturbation! I'll just present my ass to my God. Almost there! Ha! Out I missed that! Oh no, Dad's come up while I was busy and now he's nailing me to it! OW! My penis is now stuck up my ass! OW! DEAD SISTER HELP ME!
1/14/02 DEAD SISTER! I WANT TO FUCK YOU! But I can't! My little penis is stuck up my ass as I'm nailed to this cross! And dead sister is covered in my semen.
1/15/02 My daddy is great. HA HA HA. Oh shit, my piss came out of that hole where my dick was, now it's all other me! GAMES! GAMES! DADDY! IN MY MOUTH! COME ON! UHHHUUUHMMMHMHHUUMMMM! YES! YES! YES! DDDDDAAAAAAADDDDDYYYYYYYY I LOVE YOU!!! KILL ME! JESUS SAID SO!
Name: Roren.
Date: Thursday, April 18, 2002 at 22:58:56
Used deity ad: I used to worship this virgin named Mary, but she never gave head like I demanded. So I started looking in her son, but he was cut and also whacked off with those holes in his hands. Holy Spirt was nothing but Casper with no balls. And the Father wanted to be on top, so I had to beat him until he got submissive. Satan was unforuntnately castrated before he was thrown in the lake of fire. I got all five in my den, each "use" costs $25 an hour. Enjoy a taste of religion.
Name: THE RESURRECTION OF CHRIST IS A HISTORICAL FACT!
Email: www.equip.org
Location: HEAVEN,
Date: Thursday, April 18, 2002 at 01:30:26
Used deity ad: It is a somewhat difficult matter to distinguish between Christian doctrines and facts. The doctrines of Christianity are doctrines only because they are facts; and the facts of Christianity become its most indispensable doctrines. The Incarnation of the eternal God is necessarily a dogma: no human eye could witness his stooping to man's estate, no human tongue could bear witness to it as a fact. And yet, if it be not a fact, our faith is vain, we are yet in our sins. On the other hand, the Resurrection of Christ is a fact, an external occurrence within the cognizance of men to be established by their testimony. And yet, it is the cardinal doctrine of our system: on it all other doctrines hang.
There have been some, indeed, who have refused to admit the essential importance of this fact to our system; and even so considerable a critic as Keim has announced himself as occupying this standpoint. Strauss saw, however, with more unclouded eye, truly declaring the fact of Christ's resurrection to be "the center of the center, the real heart of Christianity," on which its truth stands or falls. To this, indeed, an older and deeper thinker than Strauss had long ago abundantly witnessed. The modern skeptic does but echo the words of the apostle Paul. Come what may, therefore, modern skepticism must be rid of the resurrection of Christ. It has recognized the necessity and has bent all its energies to the endeavor.
But the early followers of the Savior also themselves recognized the paramount importance of this fact; and the records of Christianity contain a mass of proof for it, of such cogent variety and convincing power, that Hume's famous dilemma1 recoils on his own head. It is more impossible that the laws of testimony should be so far set aside, that such witness should be mistaken, than that the laws of nature should be so far set aside that a man should rise from the dead. The opponents of revelation themselves being witnesses, the testimony of the historical books of the New Testament if the testimony of eyewitnesses is amply sufficient to establish this, to them, absolutely crushing fact. It is admitted well-nigh universally that the Gospels contain testimony for the resurrection of Christ, which, if it stand, proves that fact; and that if Christ rose from the dead all motive for, and all possibility of, denial of any supernatural fact of Christianity is forever removed.
Of course, it has become necessary, then, for the deniers of a supernatural origin to Christianity to impeach the credibility of these witnesses. It is admitted that if the Gospel account be truly the testimony of eye-witnesses, then Christ did rise from the dead; but it is immediately added that the Gospels are late compositions which first saw the light in the second century—that they represent, not the testimony of eye-witnesses, but the wild dreams of a mythological fancy or the wilder inventions of unscrupulous forgery; and that, therefore, they are unworthy of credit and valueless as witnesses to fact. Thus, it is proclaimed, this alleged occurrence of the rising of Jesus from the dead, is stripped of all the pretended testimony of eye-witnesses; and all discussion of the question whether it be fact or not is forever set aside—the only question remaining being that which concerns itself with the origin and propagation of this fanatical belief.
It is in this position that we find skepticism entrenched- a strong position assuredly and chosen with consummate skill. It is not, however, impregnable. There are at least two courses open to us in attacking it. We may either directly storm the works, or, turning their flank, bring our weapons to bear on them from the rear. The authenticity of our Gospels is denied We may either prove their authenticity and hence the autoptic character of the testimony they contain; or, we may waive all question of the books attacked, and, using only those which are by the skeptics themselves acknowledged to be genuine, prove from them that the resurrection of Christ actually occurred. 2
The first course, as being the most direct, is the one usually adopted. Here the battle is intense; but the issue is not doubtful. Internally, those books evince themselves as genuine. Not only do they proclaim a teaching absolutely original and patently divine, but they have presented a biography to the world such as no man or body of men could have concocted. No mythologists could have invented a divine-human Personality —assigned the exact proportions in which his divinity and humanity should be exhibited in his life, and then dramatized this character through so long a course of teaching and action without a single contradiction or inconsistency. That simple peasants have succeeded in a task wherein a body of philosophers would have assuredly hopelessly failed, can be accounted for only on the hypothesis that they were simply detailing actual facts.
Again, there are numerous evidently undesigned coincidences in minute points to be observed between the book of Acts and those Epistles of Paul acknowledged to be genuine, which prove beyond a peradventure that book to be authentic history. The authenticity of Acts carries that of the Gospel of Luke with it; and the witness of these two establishes the Resurrection.
But, aside from all internal evidence, the external evidence for the authenticity of the New Testament historical books is irrefragable. The immediate successors of the apostles possessed them all and esteemed them as the authoritative documents of their religion. One of the writers of this age (placed by Hilgenfeld in the first century) quotes Matthew as Scripture: another explicitly places Acts among the "Holy Books," a collection containing on common terms the Old Testament and at least a large part of the New: all quote these historical books with respect and reverence. There is on external, historical grounds no room left for denying the genuineness of the Gospels and Acts; and hence, no room left for denying the fact of the Resurrection. The result of a half-century's conflict on this line of attack has resulted in the triumphant vindication of the credibility of the Christian records.
We do not propose, however, to fight this battle over again at this time. The second of the courses above pointed out has been less commonly adopted, but leads to equally satisfactory results. To exhibit this is our present object. The most extreme schools of skepticism admit that the book of Revelation is by St. John; and that Romans, 1 and 2 Corinthians, and Galatians are genuine letters of St. Paul.3 Most leaders of anti-Christian thought admit other epistles also; but we wish to confine ourselves to the narrowest ground. Our present task, then, is, waiving all reference to disputed books, to show that the testimony of these confessedly genuine writings of the apostles is enough to establish the fact of the Resurrection. We are even willing to assume narrower ground. The Revelation is admitted to be written by an eye-witness of the death of Christ and the subsequent transactions; and the Book of Revelation testifies to Christ's resurrection. In it he is described as One who was dead and yet came to life (ii. 8), and as the first-begotten of the dead (i. 5). Here, then, is one admitted to have been an eye-witness testifying of the Resurrection. For the sake of simplifying our argument, however, we will omit the testimony of Revelation and ask only what witness the four acknowledged Epistles of Paul-Romans, 1 and 2 Corinthians, and Galatians bear to the fact that Christ rose from the dead.
It is plain on the very first glance into these Epistles that they have a great deal to say about this Resurrection. Our task is to draw out the evidential value of their references.
We would note, then, in the first place, that Paul claims to be himself an eye-witness of a risen Christ. After stating as a fact that Christ rose from the dead and enumerating his various appearances to his followers, he adds: "And last of all, as unto one born out of due time, he appeared to me also" (1 Cor. xv. 8 ) . And again, he bases his apostleship on this sight, saying (1 Cor. ix. 1), "Am I not an apostle? Have I not seen Jesus our Lord?" His "sight" of the Lord Jesus was, therefore of such a kind that it constituted a call to the apostleship. It was not, then, a simple sight of Jesus before his crucifixion: as is also proved from the fact that it was after all the appearances which he vouchsafed after his resurrection to his other followers, that Paul saw him ( 1 Cor. xv. 8 ). It remains true, then, that Paul claims to be an eye-witness of the fact that Christ had risen. It will not do to say that Paul claims only to have had a "theophany" as it were-a "sight" of Christ's spirit living, which would not imply the resurrection of his body. As Beyschlag has long ago pointed out, the whole argument in 1 Cor. xv being meant to prove the bodily resurrection of believers from the resurrection of Christ, necessitates the sense that Paul, like the other witnesses there adduced saw Christ in the body. Nor is it difficult to determine when Paul claims to have seen Christ: it is admitted by all that it was this "sight" that produced his conversion and called him to the apostleship. According to Gal. i. 19 both calls were simultaneous.
Tracing his conversion thus to, and basing his apostleship on, the resurrection of Christ, it is not strange that Paul has not been able to keep his Epistles from bristling with marks of his intense conviction of the fact of the Resurrection. Compare, e.g., Romans i. 4; iv. 24, 25; v. 10; vi. 4, 5, 8, 9 10, 11, 13; vii. 4; viii. 11, 34; x. 7, 9; xiv. 9. We cannot, therefore, without stultification deny that Paul was thoroughly convinced that he had seen the risen Jesus; and the skeptics themselves feel forced to admit this fact.
What, then, shall we do with this claim of Paul to be an eye-witness? Shall we declare his "sight" to have been no true sight, but a deceiving vision? Paul certainly thought it bodily and a sight. But we are told that Paul was given to seeing visions-that he was in fact of that enthusiastic spiritual temperament-like Francis of Assisi for instance-which fails to distinguish between vivid subjective ideas and external facts. But, while it must be admitted that Paul did see visions, all sober criticism must wholly deny that he was a visionary. Waiving the fact that even Paul's visions were externally communicated to him and not the projections of a diseased imagination, as well as all general discussion of the elements of Paul's character, this visionary hypothesis is shattered on the simple fact that Paul knew the difference between this "sight" of Jesus and his visions, and draws the distinction sharply between them. This "sight" was, as he himself tells us, the last of all; and the only vision which on our opponents' principles can be attributed to him, that recorded in 2 Cor. xii is described by Paul in such a manner as to draw the contrast very strongly between his confidence in this "sight" and his uncertainty as to what had happened to him then. Of course, no appeal can be properly made to the "false" history of the Acts; but, if attempted, it is sufficient to say that according to Acts Paul saw Jesus after this sight of 1 Cor. xv; but that this was in a trance (Acts XXii. 18 ff.),.), and in spite of it the sight of 1 Cor. xv was the "last" time Jesus was seen. In other words, Paul once more draws a strict distinction between his "visions" and this "sight."
It is instructive to note the methods by which it is attempted to make this visionary hypothesis more credible. A graphic picture is drawn by Baur, Strauss, and Renan,, of the physical and psychological condition of St. Paul. He had been touched by the steadfastness of the Christians; he was deeply moved by the grandeur of Stephen's death; had begun to doubt within himself whether the resurrection of Christ had not really occurred; and, sick in body and distracted in mind, smitten by the sun or the lightning of some sudden storm, was prostrated on his way to Damascus and saw in his delirium his- awful self-imagined vision. It would be easy to show that the important points of this picture are contradicted by Paul himself: he knows nothing of distraction of mind or of opening doubts before the coming of the catastrophe (cf. Gal. i. 13 ff.). It would be easy, again, to show that, brilliant as it is, this picture fails to account for the facts, notably for the immense moral change (recognized by Paul himself) by which he was transformed from the most bloodthirsty of fanatics to the tenderest of saints. But, it will be sufficient for our present purpose to not only that all that renders it plausible is its connection with certain facts recorded only in that "unbelievable" history, the Acts. We find ourselves, then, in this dilemma: if Acts be no true history, then these facts cannot be so used; if Acts be true history, then Paul's conversion occurred quite otherwise; and again, if Acts be true, then so is Luke's Gospel; and Acts and Luke are enough to authenticate the resurrection of Christ. In either case, our cause is won.
In regard to this whole visionary scheme we have one further remark to make: it is to be noted that even were it much more plausible than it is, it still would not be worth further consideration. For, Paul believed in the fact of the resurrection of Christ not only because he had seen the Lord, but also on the testimony of others. For, we would note in the second place that Paul introduces us to other eye-witnesses of the resurrection of Christ. He founded his gospel on this fact; and in Gal. ii. 6 ff. he tells us his gospel was the same as was preached by Peter, James, and John. Peter, James, and John, then, believed with the same intensity that Christ rose from the dead. We have already seen that this testimony as to John at least, is supported by what he himself has written in the Apocalypse. In consistency with the inference, again, Paul explicitly declares in 1 Cor. xv. 3 ff., that the risen Christ was seen not only by himself but by Cephas, James, and indeed all the apostles; and that, more than once. Even more: he states that he was seen by over five hundred brethren at once, the most of whom were still living when Paul wrote this letter, and whose witness-bearing he invokes. Here, Paul brings before us a cloud of witnesses.
In respect to them the following facts are worth pointing out. These witnesses were numerous; there were at least five hundred of them. They were not a mere unknown mob: we know somewhat of several of them and know them as practical men. The most of them were still living when Paul wrote, and he could appeal to them to bear testimony to the Corinthians.
The result of all of which is that this notice in 1 Cor. is equivalent to their individual testimony. Paul is admitted to be a sober and trustworthy writer; this Epistle is admitted to be genuinely his; and he here in a contemporary document challenges an appeal to living eye-witnesses. He could not have made this confident appeal had not these men really professed, soberly and earnestly, to have seen the risen Christ. We have, then, not only Paul claiming to be an eye-witness of the Resurrection; but a large number of men, over two hundred and fifty of whom were known to be still living when he wrote. We have to account not for the claim of one man that he had seen Jesus alive after he- had died, but for the same claim put in by a multitude. Will any arguing that Paul sometimes saw visions serve our purpose here? And there is still another point which is worth remarking. The witnesses here appealed to are the original disciples and apostles of our Lord. From this, two facts follow: the one, the original disciples believed they had seen the risen Lord; and the other, they claimed to have seen him on the third day after his burial (1 Cor. xv. 4). This, according to Paul, is certain fact.
Then note once more, in the third place, that this testimony (as already pointed out) was not only absolutely convincing to the Apostle Paul, but it was so also to the whole body of Christians. Not only did Paul base the truth of all Christianity on the truth of this testimony, and found his conversion on it; but so did all Christians. He could count on all his readers being just as firmly persuaded of this fact as he was. To the Corinthians, Galatians, Romans-this is the dogma of Christianity. When Paul wishes to prove his apostleship to the Corinthians or Galatians he is not afraid to base it on the therefore admitted fact of the resurrection of Christ (1 Cor. ix. 1; Gal. i. 1): when he wishes to make our justification seem sure to the Romans, he appeals to Christ's resurrection in its proof (Rom. iv. 24, 25). These are but specimens of his practice. Both purposed and incidental allusions are made to the Resurrection through all four of these Epistles of such character as to prove that it was felt by Paul that he could count on it above all other facts as the starting-point of Christianity in the minds of his readers. Whether he is writing to Corinthians, Galatians, or Romans, this is alike true. Now, consider the force of this. In some of these churches, it is to be remembered, there were dissensions, divisions, parties arrayed in bitter hostility against one another, parties with contumely denying the apostleship, or discarding the leadership of Paul. Yet all these parties believe in the resurrection of Christ: Paul can appeal to all alike to accept a doctrine based on that. It is to his bitterest opponents that he will prove his apostleship by claiming to have seen the risen Lord. It is plain, then, that the resurrection of Christ was in Paul's day deemed a primordial, universal, and essential doctrine of Christianity.
Again, some of Paul's readers were far removed from credulous simplicity. There was a party in the Corinthian Church, for instance, who, with all the instincts of modern philosophical criticism, claimed the right to try at the bar of reason the doctrines submitted to their acceptance. They could not accept such an absurdity as the resurrection of the bodies of those who slept in the Lord: "If the dead be raised, With what body do they come?" was but one of their argumentative queries. The same class of difficulties in regard to the resurrection of men, as would in modern times start up in the minds of scientific inquirers, was evidently before their minds. Yet they believed firmly in the resurrection of Christ. When Paul wishes to argue with them in regard to our resurrection, he bases his argument on the therefore common ground of the resurrection of Christ. It is plain, then, that unthinking credulity will not account for the universal acceptance of this doctrine: men able and more than willing to apply critical tests to evidence were firm believers in it.
And still again, one of these letters is addressed to a church with which Paul had no personal connection. It was not founded by him; it had never been visited by him; it had not before been addressed by him. There were those in it who were opposed to his dearest teachings: there were those in it who had been humble followers of Christ while he was still raging against his Church. Yet, they all believed as firmly as he did in the resurrection of Christ. He could prove his doctrines to them best by basing on this common faith. It is plain, then, that this doctrine was not of late growth in the Church; nor had its origin from Paul. It had always been the universal belief in the Church: men did not believe it because Paul preached it only, but they and Paul alike believed it from the convincing character of the evidence. When had a belief, thus universally accepted as a part of aboriginal Christianity in A.D. 58, had an opportunity to mythically grow into being? And, if it grew, what of the testimony of those over two hundred and fifty still living eye-witnesses to the fact?
Here we may fitly pause to gather up results. It seems indisputably evident from these four Epistles of Paul: First, That the resurrection of Christ was universally believed in the Christian Church when these Epistles were written: whatever party lines there were, however near they came, yet did they not cut through this dogma. Second, That the original followers of Christ, including his apostles, claimed to be eye-witnesses of the fact of his resurrection; and, therefore, from the beginning (third day) the whole Church had been convinced of its truth. Over two hundred and fifty of these eye-witnesses were living when Paul wrote. Third, That the Church believed universally that it owed its life, as it certainly owed its continued existence and growth, to its firm belief in this dogma. What has to be accounted for, then, is: 1. Not the belief of one man that he had seen the Lord, but of something over five hundred. 2. Not the conviction of a party, and that after some time, that the Lord had risen, but the universal and immediate belief of the whole Church. 3. The effect of this faith in absolutely changing the characters and filling with enthusiasm its first possessors. And 4. Their power in propagating their faith, in building up on this strange dogma a large and fast-growing communion, all devoted to it as the first and ground element of their faith.
There are only three theories which can be possibly stated to account for these facts. Either, the original disciples of Christ were deceivers and deliberately concocted the story of the Resurrection; or, they were woefully deluded; or the Resurrection was a fact.
I. The first of these theories, old as it is (Matt. xxviii. 11 ff.), is now admitted on all sides to be ridiculous. Strauss and Volkmar, for example, both scorn it as an impossible explanation. We may, therefore, pass it over in few words. The dead body of Christ lying in his grave ready to be produced by the Jews at any moment, of itself destroys this theory. For we must remember that the belief in the Resurrection dates from the third day. Or, if the body no longer lay in the grave, where was it? It must have been either removed by their enemies, in which case it would have been produced in disproof of the Resurrection; or stolen by the disciples themselves. We are shut up to these two hypotheses, for the only possible third one (that the body had never been buried but thrown upon the dunghill) is out of the question, eye-witnesses expressly witnessing, according to Paul, that it was buried ( 1 Cor. xv. 4 f.)..). No one will so stultify himself in this age as to seriously contend that the disciples stole the body. Not only is it certain that they could not possibly have summoned courage to make the attempt; but the very idea of Christianity owing its life to such an act is worse than absurd. Imagine, if one can, this band of disheartened disciples assembled and coolly plotting to conquer the world to themselves by proclaiming what must have been seen to be the absurd promise of everlasting life through One who had himself died-had died and had not risen again. Imagine them not expecting a resurrection nor dreaming of its possibility, determining to steal the body of their dead Lord, pretend that he had risen, and, then, to found on their falsehood a system of the most marvelous truth-on this act of rapine a system of the most perfect morals. Imagine the body stolen and brought into their midst-who can think they could be stirred up to noble endeavor by the sight? "Can a more appalling spectacle be imagined," exclaims Dr. Nott, "than that of a dead Christ stolen from his sepulcher and surrounded by his hopeless, heaven-deserted followers? And was it here, think you, in this cadaverous chamber . . . in this haunt of sin, of falsehood, of misery, and of putrefaction, that the transcendent and immortal system of Christian faith and morals was adopted? Was this stolen, mangled, lifeless corpse the only rallying point of Christians? Was it the sight of this that . . . fortified,, and filled with the most daring courage, the most deathless hopes, the whole body of the disciples?" Well have our opponents declared this supposition absurd. Christ rose from the dead, or else his disciples were a body of woefully deluded men.
II. Then, will this second theory meet the case? Is the admitted fact that Christ's earliest followers were all convinced that he rose from the dead, adequately explained by the supposition that they were the victims of a delusion? We must remember that the testimony of eye-witnesses declares that Christ rose on the third day; and that we have thus to account for immediate faith. But, then, there is the dead body of Jesus lying in the grave! How could the whole body of those men be so deceived in so momentous a matter with the means of testing its truth ready at their hand? Hence, it is commonly admitted that the grave was now empty. Strauss alone resorts to the sorry hypothesis that the appearances of the risen Christ were all in Galilee, and that before the forty days which intervened before the disciples returned to Jerusalem had passed, the site of the grave (or dunghill) had been wholly forgotten by friend and foe alike. But, there is that unimpeachable testimony of eye-witnesses that the appearances began on the third day; and the equally assured fact (Rom. vi. 4; 1 Cor. xv. 4), that the body was not thrown on a dunghill but that there was a veritable grave. So that the empty grave stares us still in the face. If Christ did not rise, how came the grave empty? Here is the crowning difficulty which all the ingenuity of the whole . modern critical school has not been able to lay aside. Was it emptied by Christ's own followers? That would have been imposture, and the skeptics scorn such a resort: moreover, the hypothesis that the apostles were impostors has been laid aside already (in the preceding paragraph). Was it, then, emptied by his enemies? How soon would the body have been produced, then, to confront and confound the so rapidly growing heresy! Or, if this were not possible, how soon would overwhelming proof of the removal of the body have been brought forward! Then, how was that grave emptied? Shall we say that Jesus was not really dead, and reviving from the swoon, himself crept from the tomb? This was the hypothesis of Schleiermacher. But not only is it in direct contradiction with the eye- witness testimony (1 Cor. xv. 3; 2 Cor. v. 15; Rom. xiv. 9, et saepe), which is explicit that Christ died; but it has been felt by all the leaders of skeptical thought to be inadequate as an explanation. Strauss has himself executed justice on it. It not only casts a stigma on the moral character of our Lord; but it is itself laden with absurdity. "It would have been impossible thus to mistake a wounded man, dying from exhaustion, for the Messiah of Jewish expectations, or then to magnify this into a resurrection from the dead." A dying man in hiding, the center of Christianity's life! This fill with enthusiasm and death-defying courage the founders of the Church! Besides all which, the hypothesis makes the apostles either knaves or fools, neither of which, as the skeptics admit, is possible truth. Hence, they themselves unite with us in rejecting as wholly absurd this dream of Schleiermacher. Once more, then, how can we account for the empty grave? We hazard nothing in asserting that this one fact is destructive to all the theories of Christ's resurrection which have been started in the nervous effort to be rid of its reality. That empty grave is alone enough to found all Christianity upon.
But, suppose for a moment, we assume the impossible, and allow to Strauss that the site of the grave was already lost. What then? The disciples were still convinced that Christ had risen. How shall we account for this invincible conviction? The only possible resort is to the worn-out vision- hypothesis. Renan draws a beautiful picture of Mary Magdalene in her love and grief fancying she saw her longed-for Lord; and a not so beautiful one of the abject and idiotic credulity of the disciples who believed her, and then, because they believed her, fancied they had seen him themselves. But will all this fine picturing of what might have been, stand the test of facts? That grave stares us in the face again: if the body was still in it, there was no place left for visions of it as living and out of it; if not in it, how came it out?
But laying aside this final argument as premised, even then the theory cannot stand. 1. There was no expectation of a resurrection, and hence no ground for visions. So far we can go here. Could we appeal to the Gospels we could go farther and show that the disciples had lost all heart and "so far was their imagination from creating the sensible presence of Jesus, that at the first they did not recognize him." Renan gains all the facts on which he founds his theory from the Gospels: let him be refuted from the same records. How could Mary Magdalene's own mind have created the vision of Jesus when she did not recognize him as Jesus when he appeared? 2. There was no time for belief in the Resurrection to mythically grow. That well-established third day meets us here. And within forty days the whole Christian community, over five hundred in number, not only firmly believed in the Resurrection, but believed, each man of them, that he had himself seen the Lord. We must account for this. 3. These five hundred are too many visionaries to create. Was all Palestine inhabited by Francises of Assisi? What might be plausibly urged of Paul or Mary loses all plausibility when urged of all their contemporaries. And thus we cannot but conclude that all attempts to explain the belief of the early followers of Christ in his resurrection as a delusion, utterly fail. If it was not founded on fraud or delusion, then, was it not on fact? There seems no other alternative: eye-witnesses in abundance witness to the fact; if they were neither deceivers nor deceived, then Christ did rise from the dead.
We must not imagine, however, that this is all the proof we have of that great fact. We have been only very inadequately working one single vein. There is another very convincing course of argumentation which might be based on the results of the resurrection of Christ-in transforming those who believed in it-in founding a Church. And, then, there is that other form of argument already pointed out which consists in the not very difficult task of vindicating the authority of our Gospels and Acts, or of the account included in them. Taking all lines of proof together, it is by no means extravagant to assert that no fact in the history of the world is so well authenticated as the fact of Christ's resurrection. And that established, all Christianity is established too. Its supernatural element is vindicated its supernatural origin evinced. Then, our faith is not in vain, and we are not still in our sins. Then, the world has been redeemed unto our God, and all flesh can see his salvation. Then, the All-Wise is the All-Loving, too, and has vindicated his love forever. Then, the supreme song of heaven may be fitly repeated on earth: "Worthy is the Lamb that hath been slain to receive the power, and riches, and wisdom, and might, and honor, and glory, and blessing." Then, we can know that nothing can separate us from his love-that even death has failed in the attempt; and that it is thus given to mortals to utter in triumph the immortal cry, "Death is swallowed up in victory!"
Name: PRAISE GOD!
Date: Thursday, April 18, 2002 at 01:26:12
Used deity ad: I love Jesus.
Name: JESUS IS LORD!
Date: Thursday, April 18, 2002 at 01:25:35
Used deity ad: God bless you.
Name: SATAN HAS BEEN DEFEATED!
Date: Thursday, April 18, 2002 at 01:24:47
Used deity ad: GOD RULES!!
Name: Michael
Email: www.equip.org
Date: Thursday, April 18, 2002 at 01:23:34
Used deity ad: To defend the faith we must be equipped to demonstrate that the Bible is divine rather than human in origin. If we can successfully accomplish this, we can answer a host of other objections simply by appealing to Scripture. To chart our course I will use the acronym M-A-P-S. Since most Bibles have maps in the back, this should prove to be a memorable association.
M = Manuscripts. Since we don't have the original biblical manuscripts, the question is, "How good are the copies?" The answer is that the Bible has stronger manuscript support than any other work of classical literature-including Homer, Plato, Aristotle, Caesar, and Tacitus. The reliability of Scripture is also confirmed through the eye witness credentials of the authors. Moses, for example, participated in and was an eyewitness to the remarkable events of the Egyptian captivity, the Exodus, the 40 years in the desert, and Israel's final encampment before entering the Promised Land, all of which are accurately chronicled in the Old Testament.
The New Testament has the same kind of eyewitness authenticity. Luke says that he gathered the eyewitness testimony and "carefully investigated everything" (Luke 1:1-3). Peter reminded his readers that the disciples "did not follow cleverly invented stories" but "were eyewitnesses of [Jesus’] majesty" (2 Peter 1:16).
Secular historians--including Josephus (before A.D. 100), the Roman Tacitus (around A.D. 120), the Roman Suetonius ( A.D. 110), and the Roman governor Pliny the Younger ( A.D. 110)--confirm the many events, people, places, and customs chronicled in the New Testament. Early church leaders such as Irenaeus, Tertullian, Julius Africanus, and Clement of Rome—all writing before A.D. 250—also shed light on New Testament historical accuracy. Even skeptical historians agree that the New Testament is a remarkable historical document.
A = Archaeology. Over and over again, comprehensive field work (archaeology) and careful biblical interpretation affirms the reliability of the Bible. It is telling when a secular scholar must revise his biblical criticism in light of solid archaeological evidence.
For years, critics dismissed the book of Daniel, partly because there was no evidence that a king named Belshazzar ruled in Babylon during that period. Later archaeological research, however, confirmed that the reigning monarch, Nabonidus, appointed Belshazzar as his coregent while he was waging war away from Babylon.
One of the most well-known New Testament examples concerns the books of Luke and Acts. A biblical skeptic, Sir William Ramsay, was trained as an archaeologist and then set out to disprove the historical reliability of this portion of the New Testament. But through his painstaking Mediterranean archaeological trips, he became converted as, one after another, the historical allusions of Luke were proved accurate. Truly, with every turn of the archaeologist's spade we continue to see evidence for the trustworthiness of Scripture.
P = Prophecy. The Bible records predictions of events that could not be known or predicted by chance or common sense. Surprisingly, the predictive nature of many Bible passages was once a popular argument (by liberals) against the reliability of the Bible. Critics argued that various passages were written later than the biblical texts indicated, because they recounted events that happened sometimes hundreds of years later than when they supposedly were written. They concluded that, subsequent to the events, literary editors went back and "doctored" the original, nonpredictive texts.
But this is simply wrong. Careful research affirms the predictive accuracy of the Bible. For example, the book of Daniel (written before 530 B.C.) accurately predicts the progression of kingdoms from Babylon through the Medo-Persian Empire, the Greek Empire, and then the Roman Empire, culminating in the persecution and suffering of the Jews under Antiochus IV Epiphanes, his desecration of the temple, his untimely death, and freedom for the Jews under Judas Maccabeus (165 B.C.).
Old Testament prophecies concerning the Phoenician city of Tyre were fulfilled in ancient times, including prophecies that the city would be opposed by many nations (Ezekiel 26:3); its walls would be destroyed and towers broken down (26:4); and its stones, timbers, and debris would be thrown into the water (26:12). Similar prophecies were fulfilled concerning Sidon (Ezekiel 28:23; Isaiah 23; Jeremiah 27:3-6; 47:4) and Babylon (Jeremiah 50:13,39; 51:26,42,43,58; Isaiah 13:20,21).
Since Christ is the culminating theme of the Old Testament and the Living Word of the New Testament, it should not surprise us that prophecies regarding Him outnumber all others. Many of these prophecies would have been impossible for Jesus to deliberately conspire to fulfill—such as His descent from Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob (Genesis 12:3 17:19); His birth in Bethlehem (Micah 5:2); His crucifixion with criminals (Isaiah 53:12); the piercing of His hands and feet on the cross (Psalm 22:16); the soldiers’ gambling for His clothes (Psalm 22:18); the piercing of His side and the fact that His bones were not broken at His death (Zechariah 12:10; Psalm 34:20); and His burial among the rich (Isaiah 53:9). Jesus also predicted His own death and resurrection (John 2:19-22). Predictive prophecy is a principle of Bible reliability that often reaches even the hard-boiled skeptic!
S = Statistics. It is statistically preposterous that any or all of the Bible's specific, detailed prophecies could have been fulfilled through chance, good guessing, or deliberate deceit. When you look at some of the improbable prophecies of the Old and New Testaments, it seems incredible that skeptics—knowing the authenticity and historicity of the texts—could reject the statistical verdict: The Bible is the Word of God, and Jesus Christ is the Son of God, just as Scripture predicted many times and in many ways.
The Bible was written over a span of 1600 years by 40 authors in three languages (Hebrew, Aramaic, and Greek), on hundreds of subjects. And yet there is one consistent, noncontradictory theme that runs through it all: God's redemption of humankind. Clearly, statistical probability concerning biblical prophecy is a powerful indicator of the trustworthiness of Scripture.
Name: Gabriel
USA
Date: Thursday, April 18, 2002 at 01:19:34
Used deity ad: Check this out people>>>
http://www.711.net/gospel/doyouknow.html
Name: Gabriel
USA
Date: Thursday, April 18, 2002 at 01:19:02
Used deity ad: Check this out people>>>
http://www.711.net/gospel/doyouknow.html
Name: ANGEL
Location: HEAVEN,
Date: Thursday, April 18, 2002 at 01:14:21
Used deity ad: The Folly Of Denying God
Beyond a doubt, the most significant question to ever penetrate the human mind is that of the existence of God. More consequences for humanity hinge on the denial or affirmation of God’s existence than any other issue.
"Is there really a God?" Though there are a variety of possible responses to this question, there are three traditional responses that predominate in Western society: (1) God does not exist - atheism; (2) we cannot know whether God exists - agnosticism; and (3) a personal God does exist - theism. This article will demonstrate how, in witnessing to an atheist, one can move from atheism to agnosticism, from agnosticism to theism, and from the concept of an impersonal God to the personal God of Scripture.
To begin, atheism involves a logical fallacy known as a universal negative. Simply stated, a person would have to be omniscient and omnipresent to be able to say "there is no God" from his own pool of knowledge. Only someone capable of being in all places at the same time - with a perfect knowledge of all that is in the universe - can make such a statement based on the facts. In other words, a person would have to be God to say there is no God. Hence, the assertion is logically indefensible.
By using arguments like this, you will often find that an atheist quickly converts to agnosticism.
This leads us to the second possible response: agnosticism. In dealing with an open-minded agnostic, an approach I have found effective is to point out that the universe is an effect which requires a sufficient cause, and the only sufficient cause is God. As Scripture says, "the heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands" (Ps. 19:1).
It is helpful to clarify that there are only four possible explanations for how the universe came to be. The first is that the universe is an illusion. This ultimately reduces to solipsism - the theory that "self" is the only reality, that "I alone exist." This view is unacceptable in an age of scientific enlightenment. (Even a full-blown solipsist looks both ways before crossing the street.)
The second possibility is that the universe is eternal. This possibility flies in the face of the second law of thermodynamics, which says that everything in the universe is running inexorably downhill from order to disorder, from complexity to chaos. If the universe was eternally old, it would have died a heat-loss death an eternity ago.
The third "possibility" is that the universe emerged from nothing. Little needs to be said about the absurdity of this option. Reason tells us that out of nothing comes nothing. This position militates against the first law of thermodynamics, which says that energy can be neither created nor destroyed; it can only change forms. To say an effect can exist without a cause, one must deny the basis for all scientific investigation and rational thought.
The fourth (and only tenable) possibility is that the universe was created by God. Clearly, theism - the belief in a personal God who is the Creator and Ruler of the universe - is the only viable option on the question of God's existence. Once this is established, it can be pointed out that only a personal God can account for human personality, thought, and morality. Furthermore, this personal God has manifested Himself in the person of Jesus Christ, who demonstrated His deity through the undeniable fact of the Resurrection. Additionally, God has provided His written Word which can be shown to be divine rather than human in origin.
Name: Mr. Krinkle
Email: mr_krinkl3@go.com
Location: texico, new mexico, usa
Date: Tuesday, April 16, 2002 at 12:57:37
Used deity ad: Used god? I've the owners manual, but seem to have lost the deity that came with it. I'll sell the owners manual for shipping costs only, if you find my old god you can have it!
Name: Megahaus
Email: Mikeandbabs1@aol.com
Location: Cleveland, USA
Date: Saturday, April 13, 2002 at 18:36:19
Used deity ad: My used God still works. Sorry, can't sell this one, but will give away for free. As a matter of fact, the shipping is free too. Just bow your head and close your eyes and say "Jesus I need you" and he will meet you where you are.
Limited time offer. Certain restrictions apply. Suggest that you purchase owners manual, sold seperately. Or visit the local church, they'll probably supply one for free.
Name: Megahaus
Email: Mikeandbabs1@aol.com
Location: Cleveland, USA
Date: Saturday, April 13, 2002 at 18:36:09
Used deity ad: My used God still works. Sorry, can't sell this one, but will give away for free. As a matter of fact, the shipping is free too. Just bow your head and close your eyes and say "Jesus I need you" and he will meet you where you are.
Limited time offer. Certain restrictions apply. Suggest that you purchase owners manual, sold seperately. Or visit the local church, they'll probably supply one for free.
Name: D.
Holland
Date: Wednesday, April 10, 2002 at 14:40:34
Used deity ad: For Sale: Modern Day Gods!
Currently available are Bree'ak, god of cable modems. Niyarishtira goddess of monitors and Talandalam mystic deity of VCR's.
All come with japanese instruction manuals.
If you decide rapidly you get a free classic god, which likes to spread dung on peoples faces and speaks aramaic and furbish. (WARNING: can't stop iron chariots!)
Name: Horace Miller
Email: www.bashrock.com
Date: Wednesday, April 10, 2002 at 12:42:32
Used deity ad: High mileage, burns oil, needs tires...oh wait a minute, this is the “god for sell” section, I taught it was the “Dodge for sell” section.
Name: Daniel Nieciecki
Email: VeritatisLocutor@netscape.net
Location: Bronx, USA
Date: Wednesday, March 27, 2002 at 20:21:40
Used deity ad: I'd like to get rid of a monstrous, hatefilled and vindictively judgmental Semitic sky-father God that the fundies have forced on us in place of the true Deity that is the Totality of Existence.
Name: Alexis
Email: Where the fuck am I?
Location: Lake of Fire, Hell
Date: Friday, March 15, 2002 at 16:14:06
Used deity ad: Old carpenter, build own "t" for odd suicide. Enjoys fish, wine, and getting fucked up the ass. Buy Now!
Name: Patrick Carr
Email: mrpat@blarg.net
Location: Seattle, United States
Date: Tuesday, March 12, 2002 at 19:14:00
Used deity ad: Salvage sale: Totalled god and equally smashed instruction manual "the buy-bull".
this god comes with 3 interchangeable heads, can put fetuses in virgins, smears dung on people's faces and will hold grudges 3 or 4 generations down the line! also is able to kill for pretty much no reason at all, a fantastic must-have.
Don't wait, please call gezus fucking kriste at 666-FUCK. All major credit cards accepted
Name: regina
Email: regina@hotmail.com
Location: lod, israel
Date: Monday, March 11, 2002 at 23:10:12
Used deity ad: i'v always hated gods and reletions to them-the religion of ALL cherches is a way to gain power over stupid,restless,lounly,or deamedged in some other way people(it's discusting to use the ones you should help!)i belive in nothing and everything and it's so hard in nowerdays to truly belive in something withought woreing that someone will use that against you-and i don't even want to discuss the fanatics among us-those are the truly missruble people...i pitty them..and all of us..becouse of all that i don't want any children..and who can blame me?maby you?..;o)
Name: A piece of my mind...
Date: Monday, March 11, 2002 at 19:09:00
Used deity ad: I just wonder from which reputable source you took the following: "THE FOOL HATH SAID IN HIS HEART 'THERE IS A GOD." posted on Sunday, March 10, 2002 at 23:35:13. Just seems like I've never seen the passage like that before ;) Hint, hint, catch my drift??
Name: A piece of mind....
Canada
Date: Sunday, March 10, 2002 at 23:35:13
Used deity ad: "THE FOOL HATH SAID IN HIS HEART 'THERE IS A GOD."
Name: A piece of my mind...
Canada
Date: Sunday, March 10, 2002 at 13:58:16
Used deity ad:
"A FOOL SAYS IN HIS HEART 'THERE IS NO GOD', THE WISEMAN SAYS IT TO THE WORLD."
Date: Saturday, March 9, 2002 at 23:39:49
"A FOOL SAYS IN HIS HEART THERE IS NO GOD" Psalm 14:1
Name: A piece of my mind...
Canada
Date: Saturday, March 9, 2002 at 23:39:49
Used deity ad: "A FOOL SAYS IN HIS HEART THERE IS NO GOD" Psalm 14:1
Name: nick
Email: rflorist40@aol
Date: Friday, March 8, 2002 at 23:14:40
Used deity ad: GOD LOVES YOU...in the ass!
Name: nick
Email: rflorist40@aol
Date: Thursday, March 7, 2002 at 15:11:51
Used deity ad: GOD LOVES YOU TO!
Name: Paul
Email: ApostateApostle@AOL.com
Location: Fort Worth, USA
Date: Thursday, March 7, 2002 at 07:05:18
Used deity ad: 1973 Sky Daddy. Mint condition. Never used. Still in box (book). Warm and fuzzy, promises galore, but silent and un-seen. Great for begging, pleading and thanking. This "new" Sky Daddy (I got him in 1973)is wating for you. E-mail ApostateApostle@AOL.com. We will lay hands on computer screen together to activate (in your head) your very own Sky Daddy. Visa/Mastercard accepted.
Name: Timmy
Email: tim@delsol.de
Germany, Europe
Date: Thursday, March 7, 2002 at 00:06:18
Used deity ad: Anyone interested in my God? I don´t
need this bogus, what a hoax. I also
want to sell my beliefs in Santa Claus,
Batman, Superman, and Love.
And:
i want some naked women to have sex
with me
Name: Ryan
Email: Tirian1@hotmail.com
Location: Toronto, Canada
Date: Tuesday, March 5, 2002 at 16:14:17
Used deity ad: My god sucks. I'll sell him for $20 CAN. Any takers?
Name: alexis mccune
Email: lexism@webtv.com
Location: salem, usa
Date: Tuesday, March 5, 2002 at 12:07:36
Used deity ad: need white shit
Name: Dark Avenger
Email: yughi@satanschildren.net
Date: Monday, March 4, 2002 at 16:54:09
Used deity ad: Used Diety, stil pretty fresh and ONLY 2000 years old. Yes, this diety is the most fresh around and it's free. He's really a pain in the ass, hates homosexuals ( is self homosexual, why else would he be a pain int he butt ) and is fond of the 2nd wife of Satan, eeeeh....don't mind that I said that.
Now with nice written, thick, manual and even a road map to heaven, hell included. Yes, this offer is very good...I have to charge $50,- because of the damage he did to my poor pets. Don't buy if you have children, will misthread them and take them from behind.
Ouch!
Name: DJ
Email: shahdp@hotmail.com
Location: Cincy, OH, USA
Date: Saturday, March 2, 2002 at 13:18:50
Used deity ad: these are actully new ganesh figurines that can be mounted to cars. i have many available for $2 each plus shipping. they are perfect to hand out at weddings for your guests! also they are gold colored. thanks
Name: DJ
Email: shahdp@hotmail.com
Location: Cincy, OH, USA
Date: Saturday, March 2, 2002 at 13:18:25
Used deity ad: these are actully new ganesh figurines that can be mounted to cars. i have many available for $2 each plus shipping. they are perfect to hand out at weddings for your guests! also they are gold colored. thanks
Name: link
Email: nvanroon@epals.com
Location: calgary, alberta
Date: Wednesday, February 27, 2002 at 14:03:43
Used deity ad: i want some naked women to have sex with me
Name: Mac
Date: Monday, February 25, 2002 at 20:46:20
Used deity ad: My god says that "whoever wants to enter heaven, he must sell all his property and give it to the poor." I am very poor. Anyone interested?
Name: LuLu
Email: luluocala@godisdead.com
Location: Earth,
Date: Saturday, February 23, 2002 at 18:49:46
Used deity ad: Ok, I lied. I do not have a 'god' for sale, but, I do have a slightly used plastic Jesus doll! Anyone interested?
Name: Shara, the spamer
Date: Saturday, February 23, 2002 at 00:40:27
Used deity ad: Okay sinners, get ready, I haven’t slept in a long time now, since well before my Trudeau sermon was posted. So I’m going insane. I’ve had about two cigarettes in the last 3 days. So I’m freaking out. I swear the cat keeps staring at the ceiling, until I look up to see what it is she sees, but there’s nothing there. Nothing. She’s mocking me - I swear it.
GOD IS GREAT!
Am I the only one who sees this shit? Honestly, someone tell me I'm not crazy here! Where's the giant blue monkey of jesus so I can fuck him?
TAKE A DEEP BREATH BEFORE READING THIS OR SHOOT UP A VAST AMOUNT OF HEROIN!
There was an atheist couple who had a child. The couple never told their daughter anything about the Lord. One night when the little girl was 5 years old, the parents fought with each other and the dad shot the Mom, right in front of the child. Then, the dad shot ! himself. The little girl watched it all. She then was sent to a foster home. The foster mother was a Christian and took the child to church. On the first day of Sunday School, the foster mother told the teacher that the girl had never heard of Jesus, and to have patience with her. The teacher held up a picture of Jesus and said, "Does anyone know who this is?" The little girl said, "I do, that's the man who was holding me the night my parents died."
Translation: DOWNLOAD FREE KIDDIE PORN WHILE-U-WAIT! Our Choir boys are ripe and ready for salvation.
If you believe this little girl is telling the truth that even though she had never heard of Jesus, he still held her the night her parents died, then you will forward this to as many people as you can.
Look at us, we're a bunch of tweaked-out loonies. My therapist said to get a hobby, so I killed him, and ate a garbage pail full of pills. His plastic model of the human brain spoke to me, and it was Jesus, he said I was destined to suck so much ass it hurt like a bastard. Aren't I hip and smart, starting an internet religion? What a great fucking idea!!! It's a new kind of Chruch, and honeslty I couldn't tell Jesus from the business end of an high colonic, but who cares? What binds us is our acid flashbacks and track marks. Come chat with Jesus 24/7. LOL *hugpoke*!!! Charter Member = only member not wearing a flannel robe and pink bunny slippers, drugged to the teeth and drooling over a bowl of generic brand corn flakes while watching Suzanne Summers Thighmaster tapes and licking the cat's asshole for kicks . . .god I hate my life.
Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell.
Funny that Jesus was content to be a big bag of suck, and all us Christians should be content to be mindless, stupid fucking cultist weirdos. The world has all fallen together for me, I swear, thank jehovah!
Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says.
Yeah, you heard me! Burning/talking bushes, talking Donkeys, poeple living in Whales, men walking on water then turning said water into wine, people RISING FROM THE DEAD left and right, seas parting, the plagues! GOD! ANGELS! THE DEVIL! THE MOST ACCURATELY DOCUMENTED ACCOUNT OF HISTORY? WHO THE FUCK DO I THINK AM KIDDING? There's no fucking way you can take anything I say seriously after that, I mean we're are the people who claimed the world was gonna end 30 YEARS AGO!
Funny how everyone wants to go to heaven provided they do not have to believe, think, say, or do anything the Bible says. (Or is it scary?)
WHERE DO WE COME UP WITH THIS PLETHORA OF SHIT? We've collected the largest number of outcasted, child-molesting Pastors who are waiting to "counsel" you as soon our e-doors open. Don't delay, let Jesus rape you today. We know there's way we could make money off of this, we're hoping someone will click on the porn banners so we can afford to keep our cable connection. If I miss Jerry Springer again, sweet Aunt Jemima I'm sending you all to hell.
It is required by jesus-law that you send us naked pictures of yourself.
Read between the lines motherfucker, or jesus will kill you and eat your babies!
I think it is right to be scared if you don't believe. The time will come whem you will believe , but maybe too late to change.
I really sound proud of God's tendacy to kill everyone, even those who "worship" him if they don't get it right. "I'm sorry, you didn't read the fine print, if you fuck it up, we're buring your ass HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Die!" How the H-E-Double Hockey stick are you supposed to know if you're obeying him right? I mean, I'm sure those 24,000 Jews thought they had it right up until God crammed his "fair and just" wrath up their collective backsides.
Think about the children.
Mom: Come on Jimmy, let's go out and play with your Jesus-KiteTM.
Jimmy: but Moooom, all the other kids make fun of me because of it. Why is Jesus standing like that anyway?
Announcer:(voice-over) Well Jimmy, that picture is a reconstruction of Jesus' Crucifiction: it's almost like the lord, our father, Jesus Christ is being nailed an hung from your very own nylon toy on a watercoloury psychedelic acid-trip made to remind you eternally why Jesus and christians are creepy as all fucking hell.
Jimmy: Mommy, I'm scared of jesus.
Announcer: Also comes with the Jesus Night-LightTM: So creepy, you'll never sleep again! Two blaring watts of Jesus, smiling and giving the thumbs up, while he watches your chidren sleep . . .and plots . . .and plots.
Funny how I can be more worried about what other people think of me than what God thinks of me. (Are you thinking?)
Funny, wasn't this supposed to be a Chruch or something that was remotely related to Jesus? Ah, fuck it, we're gonna use this as a way to pick up lonely, underaged and/or divorced Jesus-chicks. HAHAHAHAHA, we're evil masters of the allmighty. HAHAHAHA, we molest people! HAHAHAHAH, ah crap where's my fucking prozac?
Pass this on only if you mean it.
Yes, I do Love God
I also masturbate while thinking about Jesus.
May God Bless You Today, Tomorrow & Always,
In Jesus Christ's Love,
In Him We Stand Strong,
Heh heh, okay, I may have been sniffing one too many cleaning fluids when I started writing this, I mean, I already assert that God is responsible for everyone's death-ever-anyhow…..but that's God ordering them to slaughter babies right there! You don't see that every day. Tee Hee, God: The All "Baby-Eating" Mighty. If he's not off killing the Islrealites, he's gotta find something to kill.
Name: David Hampton
Email: david@h-et-h.org
Location: South California,
Date: Thursday, February 21, 2002 at 16:42:23
Used deity ad: Found, Coyote, will willingly give away, I have had it up to here with this joking and teasing, even a hynea would be better than this clown.
I'm afraid to leave my room, so if you'd like to give him to one of my friends feel free to come by and take him.
Name: Dave Rex
Email: drex@dchelms.com
Location: Easton, PA, U$A
Date: Wednesday, February 20, 2002 at 20:37:08
Used deity ad: Here's the deal... I have hundreds of bibles; the standard 'Hotel Room' edition. I used to travel quite a bit, and somewhere along the line I decided to snatch up the bible from each room that had one. Just doing my part to save the world from christianity, one hotel room at a time...
Name: Third Party
Location: Somewhere on Earth, I think.
Date: Monday, February 11, 2002 at 23:15:07
Used deity ad: God for sale. I found It on the street and
don't have room in my belief system for
It, so It must go. It claims to be able to
forgive any sin, no matter how heinous;
It can even be used to justify such sins
(It has been in the past)! Murders or
even entire holocausts can be forgiven
and forgotten after a single prayer! This
god could change your life; act now.
Rather than charge, I'll give It to anyone
who wants It; all I ask is a $50 donation
(or whatever you think is reasonable) to
any educational charity.
Name: Jeremy DePew
Email: cyberstalker_84@hotmail.com
Location: Mankato, USA
Date: Monday, February 4, 2002 at 18:51:00
Used deity ad: LOOKING FOR LOVE, GUYS? A succubis might be the answer. Ready to descend upon your sleeping form, this banshee will quite possibly romance you to DEATH! While her mortal form might be dead, her sexual appetite sure isn't! Makes a great addition to any bedroom repetoire, and at only $55.99 + S&H! Order one today! (or two if you're feeling extra frisky)
Name: bobby
Email: heavenlykid1@hotmail.com
Location: around, north america
Date: Thursday, January 31, 2002 at 21:51:45
Used deity ad: WELL i feel as though anyone who doubts jesus has reason to do so.. they can doubt any historical figure they please...but to doubt an infinite being (ie. GOD)is a new way to hold the rope to me... there has to be something out there, i feel anyone who has no beliefs (even that the suns looks yellow or the sky is blue) has a serious complex, a small problem fitting in or something, have some beliefs, man, i am all in for god and what not... i still wake up everyday and ask why the f***?.. you know... we are born, we get the money and die, all the while trying to prove that we are legitiment beings... a waste of time, but i don't see any of you guys taking the obvious route out of it,
so, why not believe in something instead of the fact that the internet and capitalism is the demise of our society. and society is bullshit..cuz at some point you have to accept it for what it is, and play your role whether you're playing or being played,whether you're in a 75 story office/sweatshop for sony or a struggling poet/musician/student. you gotta wake up and think "that report/(assignment/paper/whatever it is we get up in the morning for) is due tomorrow and I don't have it started. f***!" all while some mechanisim in the back of our brains is calculating where we are going to get our next bag of weed and case of beer to help organized our mixed up thoughts....and everyone is the same, but we aren't evolved enough to realize it..everyone turns over to hit the snooze and says " i gotta f**king get up today?" and then we wonder what's the rush..what are we really running off to do at 6:45,7:45 or 8:45 in the morning?, what is the motivation?...what is the rush? to do nothing at all? so when I ponder these things as a dull boy aged 18-24, I wonder will it ever change? will I one day wake up and start to think this is worth it..probably not, but i have something to fall back on..the crutch if you will, yeah, a somewhat weak belief in god or a greater power that has had or does have plans for me, and i'm only in a trough on my way back up the good old "lifetime integrity flow chart" peace..please respond to my ramblings
Name: At peace Are you?
Email: cherirey@msn.com
Date: Thursday, January 31, 2002 at 10:32:00
Used deity ad: Used over and over again, amazing results! Happiness, peace,wealth, and secruity. No more worries, only love. You can have him Too, for free.. Life is not perfect, it never will be but JESUS does make it better...Are you really happy inside?
Name: Aerilla
Email: Gods-r-us@aol.com
Location: Blackpool, England
Date: Tuesday, January 29, 2002 at 16:07:33
Used deity ad: ***FOR SALE***
One slightley charred, mild mannered deamon, unfortunately comes with emotional baggage and an edipus complex. However, good with children and pets. He also makes a rather tastey stew-suprise (WARNING: Not suitable for children, pregnant women or mere mortals).
Will swap for "Get into Heaven Free Card" , a place at Satan's Left hand or Buffy (the Vampire Slayer) would also do if her lesbo companion Willow is included.
Name: Rebecca C. Collins
Email: rcacollins@yahoo.com
Location: St. Petersburg, USA
Date: Wednesday, January 23, 2002 at 19:20:11
Used deity ad: FOR SALE: A God(s) of your choosing. Extremely expensive. Will cost you your humanity, your critical thinking skills, and $49.99 (each). !!! CAVEAT EMPTOR!!! When product arrives, the box may appear empty and/or the product may not perform to your expectations. However, seller assumes no liability. The defect is not with the product, but with the buyer (who is more than likely unworthy of the deities favors). To attain the desired results, the buyer need only pray longer and believe harder. You may attempt a refund upon your demise, however, previous buyers must be satisfied as I have never had a refund request. Call NOW: 1-800-GET2-HEVN
Name: DJ
Email: wannafly_1@yahoo.com
Location: Atlanta, USA
Date: Wednesday, January 16, 2002 at 14:13:58
Used deity ad: He's not for sale, you can have him for free. I found out free will is bullshit, and that predestiantion is his chosen method of salvation, now I'm pissed at him for doing this to my fellow-humans. So here he is, out on the street corner, free to any takers, (if your Chosen anyway) but I wouldn't bother with him if i were you. Just leave him there, the trashmen will throw him away sooner or later.
Name: DJ
Email: wannafly_1@yahoo.com
Location: Atlanta, USA
Date: Wednesday, January 16, 2002 at 14:13:26
Used deity ad: He's not for sale, you can have him for free. I found out free will is bullshit, and that predestiantion is his chosen method of salvation, now I'm pissed at him for doing this to my fellow-humans. So here he is, out on the street corner, free to any takers, (if your Chosen anyway) but I wouldn't bother with him if i were you. Just leave him there, the trashmen will throw him away sooner or later.
Name: AntiStupid
Location: Here, Or There
Date: Monday, January 14, 2002 at 18:10:14
Used deity ad: Used Christian God for sale. He's psychotic, he's forgetful, he's broken, he's useless, he's a down right mess and he's not even stopping me writing this ad but he killed a guy for picking up sticks on Saturday, therefore he must not exist right? Oh shit, I can't just sell nothing right? Oh well, just give me money anyways, I could use it
Name: Dr. W. Sumner Davis
Email: drwdavis@prexar.com
Location: Oakland, USA
Date: Thursday, January 10, 2002 at 15:46:41
Used deity ad: Slightly used, low milleage Savior type. Not willing, never claimed to be god, but followers, especially one called "Paul" pushed it on him. he wants out. Sell cheap. Tired of being blamed for failed crops, syphylis, small pox, etc.
19.95 plus shipping. Oh, forgot. Spirits don't have weitht. 19.95. Call NOW
Name: Sky Lundy
Email: -withheld-
Location: Yucaipa, U.S.A.
Date: Saturday, December 29, 2001 at 14:12:03
Used deity ad: For sale, one "god", slightly worn. Not very useful, maybe as a paperweight...
Name: hedge
Email: broken__starr@hotmail.com
Date: Thursday, December 27, 2001 at 16:35:10
Used deity ad: i know Satan exists but frankly i've had enough of him blocking up the plughole in the kitchen sink. he does of course have lots of good points but they have temporarily escaped my memory.
Name: Chuckling Madman
Email: x
Location: St. Louis, Missouri, usa
Date: Monday, December 17, 2001 at 18:19:06
Used deity ad: Want to make big bucks, working from home?
Would you like to make $1000 a week and up, without heavy labor?
Call us to learn how to cash in on fear, ignorance, and tribalistic hatred of outsiders, by becoming a PRIEST! (aka witch doctor, rabbi, alternative medicine practitioner, politician, demagogue)
WANTED: Will haul away used deities. Top dollar paid.
Name: Thorus
Email: lord_grendel_harliquin@yahoo.com
Date: Monday, December 10, 2001 at 17:54:40
Used deity ad: Drunken, abusive, irresonsable, never-there-when-you-need-him deity named the Father who judges humans for things he did and burns them in a fiery pit. Take him, I don't want him.
Name: Michael
Email: kiper@hotmail.com
Date: Thursday, December 6, 2001 at 22:32:22
Used deity ad: FREE: One, often blasphemed, God. WARNING: He is far to great to be comprehended by your puny little minds. If you are willing to humble your underactive, overinflated minds, your insensitive, arrogant hearts, and your reprobate lives He Will have you.
Name: David Wright
Email: mrpowderfinger@hotmail.com
Location: Albany, USA
Date: Tuesday, December 4, 2001 at 20:41:05
Used deity ad: One God free to good home. House broken and leash trained. Will sit, roll over and smite on command. Originally bought for kids but they out grew him when they started to go to school. Hate to see him mope around being ignored and disbelieved in. Ideal for ranting lunatic with no pants and poor hygiene. Does not like to be drawn into pro-life demonstrations, or schools.
Name: David Wilkins
Email: djwilkins@iprimus.com.au
Location: Hobart, Tasmania, Australia
Date: Monday, December 3, 2001 at 08:03:48
Used deity ad: God can kiss my arse good-bye. You'll NEVER burn me. The heretic lives on forever! I defy you god!!!!
Name: I Am I Said
Email: mytigodess@aol.com
Location: Nashville, USA
Date: Monday, November 26, 2001 at 09:45:21
Used deity ad: On sale now - MOTHRA! Yes, he is the great god who has come from the toxic wastes of the oceans and has risen from his watery tombs to grant favor upon those who swear loyalty to him and vow revenge upon Godzilla. To buy this wonderful diety and his promise of eternal life in an earthly heaven or wealth, riches, power and well being, you must bring to me the corpse of Godzilla!
Name: Bogo the clown
Email: garlic_jr@hotmail.com
Date: Saturday, November 24, 2001 at 01:23:09
Used deity ad: I'd sell you this God, but I already killed him. Now he rotting under my porach, until he can bring himself back to life, then you shoot him again and let rot again. He's years of fun. I think his name's Jesus or something. Anyway, bedsides that, pretty useless. I'll sell for a buck,
Name: Andrew J C Wallace
Email: caloe66@hotmail.com
Location: Northampton, UK
Date: Wednesday, November 21, 2001 at 19:07:10
Used deity ad: Used deity ad: FOR SALE***FOR SALE***FOR SALE***FOR SALE Our Savior's Faeces!!! You all know that the cross on which our Savior hung would have had to have been extremly large or all the fragments of it offered for sale are fakes!! Well now, after years of extensive searching in the desert where Jesus spent his solitary reflection, I am pleased and proud to announce that I have collected and AUTHENTICATED THE SAVIORS SHIT!!! I need not tell you the obvious health benefits to be gained by the consumption of a sliver of the divine doodoo. ETERNAL LIFE ON EARTH WITHOUT THE PAIN OF PASSING ON when you eat the holy turd because it has the power, being genetically un-modified and pure, to CURE ALL AILMENTS!! To order all you have to do is send me an e-mail and I will send you details on how you can obtain the crap of Our Lord. Please bear in mind however that, unlike the cross on which He hung, His shit is of limited size and (and quantity) and the price will have to reflect the time and effort I spent in collecting the bottom boulders. This unrepeatable offer is set at £5000.00 per gramme but hurry; when it's gone, it's gone!!
Name: For Him to know
Email: For you to find out
Location: Calgary, Canada
Date: Friday, November 9, 2001 at 18:58:13
Used deity ad: FOR SALE: 1 worship license to God of Abrahamic tradition (hebrew, christian, muslim). Loves his creation but allows it to live in perpetual conflict. Advises each division that they are following his one true edict and path to salvation. Allows thousands from each group to perish senselessly at the hands of the others. Previous owner claims that He listen to prayers, but I never understood how this feature worked, especially when my neighbor invokes a contradictory prayer to mine.
Come with your choice of 3 user manuals. Translations of these manuals available in every language. Call for details. $0.25 or best offer. Trades will be considered.
ph: (403) GOD-SALE
Name: Adam Haider Khan
Email: haider_khan@web.de
Location: London, Guess :o)
Date: Tuesday, November 6, 2001 at 05:19:55
Used deity ad: For sale: One god, above average mileage, paintwork and engine heavily damaged thus needs some restoration. Will exchange for what you have (vouchers for a Big Mac will do) p.s thrown into the package are a large number of remote control suicide agents.
Name: Ashton
Email: zen2u2000@yahoo.com
Location: Joshua Tree, CA
Date: Sunday, November 4, 2001 at 14:36:49
Used deity ad: FOR SALE: Found sleeping on the job September 11, 2001. This deity (also known by many names, shapes and forms) allowed thousands of people to die (thereby not being a good and ethical deity). No action was taken on this deitiy's part to prevent this tragedy (thereby not being a real deity). Deity still has millions of followers, but was named by me as "whatever-it-is-up-there-that's-so-damned-useless". I sell this deity cheap to the highest bidder. Good riddance.
Name: Lorenzo von Groznik
Email: saintslammer@hotmail.com
Location: New Monia, The Land Below
Date: Sunday, November 4, 2001 at 05:34:38
Used deity ad: For sale, not just any old God, but an entire 3-headed mini-pantheon that some poor unsuspecting virgin somehow got herself mixed up with. The price: give up your power of rational thought and it's yours, including shipping and handling.
Name: InferiS
Email: keinovalosaatio@yahoo.com
Location: Keinola, Finland
Date: Tuesday, October 30, 2001 at 04:22:32
Used deity ad: This is absolutely the best bargain you can afford here! You have a chance to buy The Ultimate God of the Universum (which has holes = black holes), which is Cheese! Cheese is The Only Real (tm) God in this universum (I don´t know about another universums) and just like most popular Gods, its very angry and full of hate! Actually I think it hates you too, unless you buy it!
What would be better trick for your neighbor than smelly God in his/her mailbox in morning!
And what comes to price, its very cheap, only 1€!
Name: Zero Minamino
Email: zero_repliroid_hunter@yahoo.com
Location: Gowanda, USA
Date: Saturday, October 27, 2001 at 16:01:55
Used deity ad: For sale - BEST OFFER ACCEPTED! One slightly used yellow mouse once worshipped by children.Great for use as a power generator or for shock therapy treatments!
Name: God-King Caspian, the one true god.
Email: kinggodcaspian@hotmail.com
Date: Tuesday, October 23, 2001 at 21:42:38
Used deity ad: 5 cents or best offer. Tacked up dead pussy on a stick. Babbales and hallucinates a lot, so keep on a tight leach. Tends to piss off people in power when left alone. Rusty nail remover included.
Name: Chris
Email: paranoidchicken@altavista.co.uk
Location: Sheringham, England
Date: Tuesday, October 23, 2001 at 21:06:13
Used deity ad: Special Offer:
Are you fed up with waiting to meet jesus and get all the goddies you deserve for being a good christian?
Well, wait no more!!!
Introducing the roger-a-jesus. Yes, that's right, no more fantasising about getting it on with the lord, with the new roger-a-jesus 2001 you can be in seventh heaven everyday, (except Sundays of course).
Made from the finest balsa wood this life-size doll comes with a fully erect todger, and full-size mouth. It even has a cute little bottom for those that play for the other team.
So treat yourself today for the special introductory offer of £99.99, including special lube tube.
And remember, other than church, this could be the best time you ever spend on your knees.
Name: Chris
Email: paranoidchicken@altavista.co.uk
Location: Sheringham, England
Date: Tuesday, October 23, 2001 at 21:05:32
Used deity ad: Special Offer:
Are you fed up with waiting to meet jesus and get all the goddies you deserve for being a good christian?
Well, wait no more!!!
Introducing the roger-a-jesus. Yes, that's right, no more fantasising about getting it on with the lord, with the new roger-a-jesus 2001 you can be in seventh heaven everyday, (except Sundays of course).
Made from the finest balsa wood this life-size doll comes with a fully erect todger, and full-size mouth. It even has a cute little bottom for those that play for the other team.
So treat yourself today for the special introductory offer of £99.99, including special lube tube.
And remember, other than church, this could be the best time you ever spend on your knees.
Name: Tj
Email: yaatoo@yahoo.com
Location: Bellingham, usa
Date: Tuesday, October 23, 2001 at 01:54:38
Used deity ad: Available, but not for sale---who in their right mind would buy it?
A poisonous deranged slave-driver, sadistic and mad, who has paraded about as a god. Fit only for the deepest ocean, out-space or the deepest recesses of darkness---or come to think of it, why not send the son of a bitch to the very hell it has has created in the minds of all the innocent victims. Only make it the real mccoy.
Name: Tj
Email: yaatoo@yahoo.com
Location: Bellingham, usa
Date: Tuesday, October 23, 2001 at 01:53:47
Used deity ad: Available, but not for sale---who in their right mind would buy it?
A poisonous deranged slave-driver, sadistic and mad, who has paraded about as a god. Fit only for the deepest ocean, out-space or the deepest recesses of darkness---or come to think of it, why not send the son of a bitch to the very hell it has has created in the minds of all the innocent victims. Only make it the real mccoy.
Name: Anne Shanley
Email: deep_roller at hotmail dot com
Location: New York, USA
Date: Wednesday, October 17, 2001 at 22:01:30
Used deity ad: Worn out monster shell that masqueraded (unsuccessfully) as omniscient, omnipotent, omnibenovolent being for sale. Claims on the box are not to be believed, but it might be used as a supplemental burglar alarm or a bogeyman to keep the children in line. Item is in generally good condition, but will have to be propped up. Make an offer.
Name: Gina
Email: sophie197@home.com
Location: Kentwood, USA
Date: Tuesday, October 16, 2001 at 18:33:21
Used deity ad: One/three very quite Yahweh, free to the first one/three customers. Comes with; easy, illogical solutions to problems posed by itself. Thick, poorly written manual provided.
Name: Kalle
Email: kallepister@web.de
Location: Mannheim, Germany
Date: Monday, October 15, 2001 at 04:55:27
Used deity ad: giveaway! several used, polychrome new-age entities with unique multilingual prayer module featuring latest desire recognition technology. numerous sacrifice add-on's included, compatible with most swordylordy(tm) and burndamartyr(tm) devices. programmable docking station for all leading and most unofficial world religions included. create your own worshipping cult using the built-in, easily customizable "ism-to-go" regional belief interfacer (r.b.i.) for cool manifestations in various, trendy shapes and sizes. mains travel adaptor and instruction booklet included.
Name: Delcan
Date: Monday, October 8, 2001 at 22:06:57
Used deity ad: FOR TRADE: One (1) God. Apparently either senile, sadistic, or insane; loves humanity while damning the majority of it to eternal suffering; orders pacifism but endorses mass murder; claims to be three different people, including his own son; blames humanity for crimes of two idiots; reportedly killed his son (himself?) to redeem the world. Gets cranky if not worshipped once a week and given a set portion of one's income. However, willing to smite your foes if necessary. Will trade for: One (1) specific-application time god, capable of temporal slowing/hasting/stopping and rewind to rewrite past events. Call for details at 673-555-2875.
Name: dave
Email: dave97502@yahoo.com
Location: oregon, usa
Date: Monday, September 24, 2001 at 21:53:34
Used deity ad: CELEBRATE NATIONAL ATHIEST DAY TOGETHER
APRIL FIRST EVERY YEAR.
The fool says in is heart there is no God
Psalm 14:1
Name: Grew A. Brain
Email: geopreed@hotmail.com
Date: Saturday, September 22, 2001 at 13:23:18
Used deity ad: FORE SALE: One sexist, idiotic Muslim god, goes by the name of Allah. Offers 72 adoring virgins to followers who kill, slaughter or enslave nonfollowers. Has about as much compassion for human life as a Waffen-SS concentration camp commander. Take the bastard off my hands and I'll thank you for it!
Name: Joe Giese
Email: garrett_the_thief@hotmail.com
Location: Guston, U.S.
Date: Friday, September 7, 2001 at 20:57:10
Used deity ad: God of hate, war, and suffering. Is responsible for more death than any other deity/god in all of history.
I think the name of this deity (if I'm not mistaken) is Jesus Christ.
Name: NOMAN ALI
Email: NOMAN7D1@YAHOO.COM
Location: KARACHI, PAKISTAN
Date: Wednesday, September 5, 2001 at 07:44:37
Used deity ad: R/5 SEC 7D/1 NORTH KARACHI
POSTAL CODE :75850
Name: Duped 'n' Dazed
Email: getmeout@whatwasithinking.com
Location: Everywhere, World
Date: Wednesday, August 29, 2001 at 19:51:16
Used deity ad: Old Caananite/Hebrew god of storm, war, and fertility. As you can see, this god is highly adaptable for all of your worshipping needs. Can easily be transformed into the universal "sky daddy" for all those times you need to project your deepest wants, fears, and emotions and make them absolute. Information manual and other assorted paraphenelia thrown in at no additional charge.
Name: Gordon B. Wrinkley
Email: gordy@followtheprophet.con
Location: Porvo, Utah,
Date: Wednesday, August 29, 2001 at 06:17:43
Used deity ad: Today I'm offering the Mormon God. This is the One, True God, not some shapeless spirit but a God of flesh and bone. He is the new and improved version of the Christian God, and has restored the gospel exactly as Jesus organized it, including polygamy, temples with masonic ceremonies, and three heavens instead of one (the highest degree of glory being the Celestial Copulatorium). Comes with King James Version of Bible plus three more books of scripture because the bible doesn't have enough rules. Buyer must be willing to give up coffee. No downpayment, but he will demand 10% of your future income plus incidentals. Delivery in five working days by UPS of Kolob.
Name: Matthew
Email: matthewfoss@buckeyeinet.com
Location: Toledo, United States
Date: Tuesday, August 28, 2001 at 15:34:40
Used deity ad: For sale, any offer accepted, one Deity. Answers no prayers, says nothing, been on break since 33 a.d. Enjoys your suffering and pain, watches you always. Gives nothing but demands your total worship and praise. Makes empty promises and tests you again and again.
Name: spirit grrrl
Email: spritgrrrl@yahoo.com
Location: tallahassee, USA
Date: Monday, August 27, 2001 at 10:57:15
Used deity ad: For sale, cheap, one evil bastard in the sky. Very loving, but will fry you forever if you ever let him down. May demand ritualistic human or animal sacrifice to appease him if you fail to worship him faithfully. Extremely overbearing, and hard of hearing...only answers your prayers if you are a middle class American, and even then, may fail you in your greatest hour of need.
Name: The Slayer 666
Location: Hellhole, Canada
Date: Monday, August 27, 2001 at 00:33:26
Used deity ad: One used schizophrenic deity for sale.
Hasn't been used for over 3 years. It loves
mindless war, deaths of innocent chidren,
deaths of the disabled and destruction of
cities. It hates everything it loves at the
same time. Included the King James version
instruction manual. Will exchange for a
500ft tall beautiful female goddess worthy
of worship.
Name: hellie_angel
Email: hellie_angel@hotmail.com
Location: London, England
Date: Saturday, August 25, 2001 at 14:29:31
Used deity ad: One large diety for sale. Fully house trained, but owner moving away. Comes in a dilightful shade of lilac with his own personal lamp. Eccellent at producing weath, houses and prosperity, also good at doing the dishes. Comes with full money back garantee and infanite wisdom installasion program. Yours for only $300 or nearest offer.
Name: Eric Biesterfeld
Email: eneffbhl@yahoo.com
Location: Tucson, USA
Date: Thursday, August 23, 2001 at 23:55:37
Used deity ad: Own an Antique in your Very Own Home!
That's right, a 2000 year old Peek-a-Boo Jesus God
for sale, complete with burial clothes and cross! Act
now, and I'll throw in 2000 dollars of manuals for free!
Don't delay!
Name: Diane
USA
Date: Wednesday, August 15, 2001 at 18:44:23
Used deity ad: FOR SALE:
One Deity, never taken out of box...cherry condition. Listed claims include:
1. Eternal life
2. freedom from sin
3. Free Healing in case of injury/disease
4. Coupon for free Small cone at the Dairy-O down the street.
Owner never needed the services of said god, or the ice cream.
If you buy now I will throw in the free Evil Adversary to take care of any loopholes, or mistakes that may occur when using the deity.
Best Offer.
Name: POE
Email: POE@loveable.com
Location: NowhereVille, USA
Date: Tuesday, July 31, 2001 at 10:26:29
Used deity ad: Used god, too praised. Bad temper, leaves excrement on the floor from time to time. Smells of old cabbage and inspires hate in his followers. Good for terrorists seeking a target to bomb. Compatable with most christians. Speaks out of both sides of both mouths and eats unlevened bread. Smokes, drinks, causes riots. Hates athiests and shits rotten cheese. Best if left in diswasher for long periods of time. Has no purpose. Should be kept away from birds and other animals. Do not let the kids near it. Corrupts the weak and is a central of power for many. Special: get a free roman catholic version of god (or jesus... or the holy spirit) when you purchase this version.
Name: Claire
Email: cathysmama@aol.com
Location: Sweet Valley, USA
Date: Sunday, July 22, 2001 at 22:21:03
Used deity ad: One dusty Christian God. Hasn't been used in years. Collecting dust. Free to a good home, since he isn't really worth anything. Beware: He may tell you lies, encourage you to be intolerant, hateful and violent. Best kept stuffed into a drawer lined with lead. Do not allow around small children, pets, or extremely gullible morons.
Name: Gaurav Agrawal
Email: jknk@rediffmail.com
Location: Mathura, India
Date: Sunday, July 22, 2001 at 07:47:05
Used deity ad: I am intrested in selling books related to lord krishna and ram
Name: Jesus Christ
Email: eetstatik@aol.com
Location: Cherry Hill, America
Date: Sunday, July 1, 2001 at 13:17:01
Used deity ad: FOR SALE!!! ONE used God. Only previous owner God's son. Tired of asshole father telling gullible white people to do stupid things for him. Still pissed he let me die to prove a point. ACT NOW and i'll throw in ONE pretty girl for half the prive! Never been touched, still a virgin! Will accept highest offer of cash, free-sex, or three baggies of weed.
Name: Paul Lanson
Email: paull112@home.com
Location: Pensacola, USA
Date: Saturday, June 30, 2001 at 00:22:29
Used deity ad: Are you sick of Gods that dont get you some pussy or penis when you need it most!?At our east brentwood church of fornication and sodomy, we can get you that extra lovin that your current church isnt giving you. All you have to do is smuggle 10000 ecstacy pills from the clandestine labs in israel and/or smuggle 10 anti-aircraft guns from the russian exchange to be accepted. Join us today! and rejoice!
paid for by the church of fornication and sodomy.
Name: Ricci Ricardo
Email: hotmonkeylove@hotmail.com
Location: Here, There
Date: Wednesday, June 20, 2001 at 13:35:08
Used deity ad: I will sell you the leprican that prances around my shoulders and tells me to burn things! On this amazing offer you can have him for only 23 easy payments of $399.99! Great for survival when you need modivation to start a fire to keep warm! Buy today and I will throw in a underwere stealing nome! Order now!
Name: Bodean
Email: Bodeandivine@aol.com
Location: St. Louis, USA
Date: Tuesday, June 12, 2001 at 21:26:56
Used deity ad: Hungry, wild, yet lonely God will offer up his services to beautiful gothic Goddess (21-30). Comes with loads of entertainment, laughs, and wild adventures. Sorry, can't promise a divine miracle.
Name: Bodean
Email: Bodeandivine@aol.com
Location: St. Louis, USA
Date: Tuesday, June 12, 2001 at 21:26:16
Used deity ad: Hungry, wild, yet lonely God will offer up his services to beautiful gothic Goddess (21-30). Comes with loads of entertainment, laughs, and wild adventures. Sorry, can't promise a divine miracle.
Name: The Avon Lady
England
Date: Thursday, June 7, 2001 at 07:45:11
Used deity ad: For an initial outlay of just £10000 you to can own your very own 'GOD OF PYRIMID SELLING', yes its true, you can become an icredibly rich mortal by selling copies of your god to other gullible people. Act NOW!! SAVE YOUR SOUL AND GET RICH TOGETHER
Name: Ben Murphy
Email: misterrumphius@yahoo.com
Location: San Diego, USA
Date: Tuesday, May 15, 2001 at 17:02:45
Used deity ad: For Sale:"Tony" God of hell-fire. Original
owner tired of rigorous worship/tithing
schedule. Anti-Tonyists need not apply.
Name: Mike
Email: PSMaster69@aol.com
Location: Pittsburgh, U.S.A.
Date: Tuesday, May 15, 2001 at 09:21:49
Used deity ad: Banana. Old smelly. Must eat it before you die and it will save your soul. $10,000.
Name: David Gladden
Email: david@elsewhere.cc
Location: Dallas, TX, USA
Date: Sunday, May 13, 2001 at 21:22:12
Used deity ad: One (1) unused deity in the form of a carved rock. NOTE: Rock is not actually carved yet, you will have the privilege of "releasing" the deity from the rock though the process of carving and polishing the rock. What an opportunity for an unworthy and sinful mortal like yourself! (Rock shaping tools equipment are available for an additional nominal fee.)
Name: flaming pearl
Location: flesh, softcore
Date: Sunday, May 13, 2001 at 17:38:51
Used deity ad: YOU MUST READ THIS AD! YOU WILL NEVER ENCOUNTER SUCH A LIFE-CHANGING OPPORTUNITY EVER EVER EVER EVER AGAIN! Buy *two* Alcoholic Jesus Dildo machine guns - At our *Unbeatable* prices, make every a horny old Xmas! If you have any problems, slap the Mary. Ho!
Name: ferrum
Email: ferrum@keri.artshost.com
Location: Johannesburg, South Africa
Date: Sunday, May 13, 2001 at 17:26:50
Used deity ad: One Unused Ayn Rand Inflatable Rowing Boat God, never been fishing. Good as New. Price Negotiable. FREE! Side-Kick Ricki Martin Pub Coaster! Call Now!
Name: Denise DeCooman
Email: denisereznor@ijustdontcare.com
Location: Monongahela, USA
Date: Thursday, May 10, 2001 at 10:20:11
Used deity ad: X-ROX IS THE GOD OF CHEESES!!!!!!
Name: Richy Rich
Email: prov27_17@hotmail.com
Australia
Date: Monday, April 16, 2001 at 23:53:37
Used deity ad: An offer you can't refuse!!! The price...oh? Didn't think of that! Yea, this 'god' paid the price. What did we do to earn this, God's son came into the world to die for us? WE FORGOT! He came to give - he gave His life, so we could have life! He rose again, so we could rise again! WE FORGOT! We gave nothing, yet He gave everything.
Name: Richy Rich
Email: prov27_17@hotmail.com
Australia
Date: Monday, April 16, 2001 at 23:53:17
Used deity ad: An offer you can't refuse!!! The price...oh? Didn't think of that! Yea, this 'god' paid the price. What did we do to earn this, God's son came into the world to die for us? WE FORGOT! He came to give - he gave His life, so we could have life! He rose again, so we could rise again! WE FORGOT! We gave nothing, yet He gave everything.
Name: Al Kafir
Location: Toronto, Canada
Date: Thursday, April 12, 2001 at 11:29:08
Used deity ad: Looking for fast relief of all pain and suffering? Look no further, the Gods Aid Society of the Greater Toronto Area has a variety of gods for immediate possession. Must be willing to follow the wishes of the god no matter how illogical or immoral these wishes may seem. Excellent substitute for hard drugs. Not ofered where prohibited by law. Contact Mr. Confused 555-4141
Name: Al Kafir
Location: Toronto, Canada
Date: Thursday, April 12, 2001 at 11:06:45
Used deity ad: The Gods' Aid Society of the Greater Toronto Area is seeking individual and families to adopt several abandoned gods. Must be of legal age to apply. No previous experience with gods care is necessary. Reply to Box 9000.
Name: Al Kafir
Location: Toronto, Canada
Date: Thursday, April 12, 2001 at 11:06:25
Used deity ad: The Gods' Aid Society of the Greater Toronto Area is seeking individual and families to adopt several abandoned gods. Must be of legal age to apply. No previous experience with gods care is necessary. Reply to Box 9000.
Name: The Converted
Email: iamagreatgod@yahoo.com
Location: Brea, ?
Date: Wednesday, April 11, 2001 at 16:53:31
Used deity ad: God enjoys rains that last forty days + nights, killing the first born of egypt and and writing comandments on stone. He seaks gulabul followers. FREE
Name: Terah
Email: ring0_bing0@yahoo.com
usa
Date: Tuesday, April 3, 2001 at 19:15:38
Used deity ad: FREE DEITY! comes with free book and followers repsond within the next 40 days and shipping is free to!
(fine print) warning deity is manipulative and corruptive will clog brain and prevent all forms of logical thinking
Name: Aphrodite
Location: Mount Olympus, Greece
Date: Thursday, March 29, 2001 at 19:43:55
Used deity ad: WANTED: Buyer for head god of our pantheon. No reasonable offers refused. Athena and Ashera suggested I put up a certain Zeus and Hera up for sale. Since I kinda like Hera, I will not give her away. Mr. Thunderbolt has gotten rather on the cranky side lately, broken a few nuts, gone on the fritz, and obviously needs repairs. Will sell to highest bidder. He is a great buy! Will smite your enemies for low prices, and can make a terrific fireworks show. Asking 62k+. Please refer to Ashera near Hezbollah Bunker 6, in Tyre, Phoenicia (Lebanon).
Name: Mononoke Hime
Location: Any place where there are kami-sama, Japan
Date: Tuesday, March 27, 2001 at 23:33:10
Used deity ad: Mind if I introduce my new Best Friend, Belldandy? She is SOOOOO cute. She has some college boyfriend in Tokyo or something. She is a Goddess, Second Class(?) of the Goddess Relief Office. I was riding my favorite wolf-god into town when I met this chick. WAAAAAY COOL. She has two sisters, Urd and Skuld.... we two would like to meet other Gods, Goddesses and Anime characters. Antagonistic Pokemon and demons need not apply. Peace out, folks ^_^
Name: Richard Rabinowitz
Email: RickyRab79@aol.com
Location: New Brunswick, NJ,
Date: Tuesday, March 27, 2001 at 23:06:18
Used deity ad: One God,3000 yrs old, runs like new. Invented Shema to claim He was the only one. Goes by the names of YHWH, Adonai, Hashem, G-d, Manitou, the Tao, and many others. He was My Husband for many years before I got fed up with His antics! He wanted Me slaving over a hot stove all day, giving My eternity to His highest desires! Not only that, after I told Him I was going into the Queen of Heaven business, He harassed Me and called Me a bunch of unsavory names. He downed My boyfriend, Ba'al, and I'm completely fed up! will give away at any price. Let Him piss off some other goddess, thank you very much. Warning: May recklessly give child to humans out of "love for the world".
Sincerely, Asherah of the Sea
Tyre, Lebanon
Near Old Hezbollah bunker # 6.
Name: markantony
Email: mmmarkyb@yahoo.com
Date: Monday, March 26, 2001 at 08:26:34
Used deity ad: Everyone has faith, (belief in things not proven or seen). What will your faith bring you? Careful, it could be hell.
Name: markantony
Email: mmmarkyb@yahoo.com
Date: Monday, March 26, 2001 at 08:23:57
Used deity ad: Take me
A God as old as time, "self". slightly used. Want to seek true religion that benefits heart. I have a feeling someone loves me. Creation vs. Creator
Name: Jennifer
Location: Bumfuck, Egypt
Date: Tuesday, March 13, 2001 at 12:19:57
Used deity ad: FOR SALE OR TRADE. There isn't as better offer out there. Gently used god, slightly washed up (which has only inflamed his persecution complex) Still has perfectly working ego despite a lack of intelligent followers or competent P.R. Agent. Not only will this guy impress your friends and destroy your enemies, he will also move any mountain that happens to be inconveniently placed (handy on those cross-country drives) Will trade for anything but another deity. Call 867-5309 ask for Jenny.
Name: P. Elwood Johnson
Email: johnsonpe@hotmail.com
Location: Lakeland, USA
Date: Friday, March 9, 2001 at 20:33:05
Used deity ad: FOR SALE! Three gods in one! Yes that's right this handy, dandy doll of a divinty is three in one. You get THE MAIDEN goddess of youth and playful romping, THE MOTHER goddess of fertility and empathicaly connected to the whole earth, and THE CRONE the wise old grandmother of magick and death. AND THATS NOT ALL! If you ACT NOW I shall throw in, ABSOLUTLY FREE, one HORNED GOD COMPANION!
allsalesarefinalnorebatesnorefunds.
Name: markanthony
Email: mmmarkyb@yahoo
Date: Friday, March 9, 2001 at 10:22:13
Used deity ad: If you dont believe in success, stay broke. If you dont believe in Love, be alone. If you dont believe in God, go to hell.
Name: William Henry Pratt
Email: pratt007@godisdead.com
Date: Wednesday, February 28, 2001 at 22:29:24
Used deity ad: FOR SALE: Tired old three-headed myth. Pled guilty to killing his own son. Authored a twisted, convoluted, self-contradictory book in Hebrew and Greek. Make offer.
Name: Azeist
Email: azeist@yahoo.com
Location: Kirkland, WA, USA
Date: Monday, February 26, 2001 at 21:39:01
Used deity ad: One used god - unneeded, previous owner has now disproven its existence. Contains three parts: one all-powerful god, the son of this god, and another "ghost" form of this god. All 3 merge to form one god. This "all-powerful" god had to sacrifice itself to itself to accomplish something it should have been already able to do.
Name: The Heretic Heathen
Email: HereticHeathen@aol.com
Location: Dallas, USA
Date: Thursday, February 1, 2001 at 10:02:32
Used deity ad: For Sale or Trade: One well abused All-Knowing-God(TM), includes two groveling followers, One Son-of-God(TM), has multiple puncture wounds but otherwise works wonderfully, One Holy-Ghost(TM), slightly ephimeral but seems to work well enough. I will take money or your sporting goods trade.
Name: human being
Date: Wednesday, January 31, 2001 at 10:57:09
Used deity ad: WANTED: God or gods that do not send prophets to Earth (or any other planet), do not write books, and do not tell people to "spread the word". Will trade for my old god that while pretty interesting has caused me more grief than Windows 98. This offer is good till I breathe my last.
Name: none
Email: Pioneer4life@hotmail.com
USA
Date: Sunday, January 7, 2001 at 16:48:07
Used deity ad: CULT GOD FOR SALE!!!Former Jehovahs witness god in mid condition.Likes for his followers to go door to door and not take blood transfussion's. Is good a false prophiese and keeping followers in line (IE. mind control) with the threat of Destruction "just around the conner". Comes with own translation of the bible and the Watchtower printing company. No checks only cash or best trade.
Name: none
Email: Pioneer4life@hotmail.com
USA
Date: Sunday, January 7, 2001 at 16:47:24
Used deity ad: CULT GOD FOR SALE!!!Former Jehovahs witness god in mid condition.Likes for his followers to go door to door and not take blood transfussion's. Is good a false prophiese and keeping followers in line (IE. mind control) with the threat of Destruction "just around the conner". Comes with own translation of the bible and the Watchtower printing company. No checks only cash or best trade.
Name: Sam Baeder
Email: sbaeder@vanguard.edu
Date: Monday, December 25, 2000 at 02:10:52
Used deity ad: God bless America and the stupidity that knowledge brings. Does anyone want an Emmit Smith Rookie card?
Name: Jake
Email: gerbil@sfdt.com
Date: Friday, December 22, 2000 at 00:26:25
Used deity ad: For Sale: One God. Good at yelling at people, smiting. Comes with single prodigal son from custody battle. Divorced from "Mother Goddess" and denies her ever existing in the first place. Like most middle-aged men, has a habbit of claiming to know everything, and accredits the existance of the universe to himself. Has had many past relationships with prophets, but is considered abusive and "crazy-makng."
Name: Alexandra
Email: admin@pimpbutter.com
Location: Cornwall, Canada
Date: Monday, December 18, 2000 at 21:43:23
Used deity ad: One God, shipped defective, should have had three parts, but they disappeared or were never sent. I still have the box, and the instruction manual (Book of Common Prayer, tech support down the road under the pointy-roofed building). Neuroses also included, including erratic personality disorders and psychosomatic pain (very rare) from demons or punishments from this unassembled God that they didn't ship. I'll throw in my spiritual journals and box of "miraculous" medals (see disclaimer).
Name: Pamela Pacer
Email: pacrpa@sbu.edu
Location: St. Bonaventure, NY, US
Date: Friday, December 15, 2000 at 14:18:54
Used deity ad: Free to good home:
One Jesus, good condition. Like new. Will perform parlor tricks that will have your guests falling to their knees. Many miracles left! Does require batteries.
Name: OrneryPest
Email: ornerypest@yahoo.com
Location: Solomons, Maryland, Drunk Driving Capital of the World., USA
Date: Thursday, December 14, 2000 at 14:12:22
Used deity ad: For sale: The Great God Cramshaw. He's a three foot tall hunchback with green teeth and purple antlers and a nose so big he needs a periscope to see around it and he wears a pink polka-dotted polyester leisure suit and hangs upside down from a phone wire in Baltimore and plays five rubber harmonicas and two wooden accordions and a gazoo and a bagpipe and three juice harps all at once. He has issued only four commandments instead of the ten that the other gods are giving out because he can't count any higher.
Name: Caroline Pettigrew
Email: no1asked@hotmail.com
Location: York, PA, USA
Date: Friday, December 1, 2000 at 16:16:57
Used deity ad: For Sale: Not a God but a genuine Godess. 5'5, 102 lbs, brown hair with blonde highlights and eyes that change colors. Loves Dave Matthews Band, smoking hashish, looking at the stars, romance and condemming bitches to Hell. Answers to the names of Caroline or Godess only. Bidding will start at $1.5 or 30 lbs or marijuana.
Name: mohamed
Email: wqwqwqwq60@hotmail.com
Location: cairo, egypt
Date: Sunday, November 26, 2000 at 07:14:03
Used deity ad: i want nokia 6110 good
Name: Leviathan
Location: Pandemoneum, Hades
Date: Wednesday, November 22, 2000 at 21:20:23
Used deity ad: One slightly used saint. He can perform several minor miracles (transmuting water to wine, bringing in the mail, cleaning the fireplace, performing circumcisions, etc.), but has yet to be paper trained. Prefers god biscuts, but will tolerate kibbles 'n bigots. For five extra souls, I'll throw in a matching avatar. Slightly Used Saint: 35 Saved Souls. Extra Avatar: 5 More Souls, Saved or Unsaved
Name: Leviathan
Location: Pandemonium,
Date: Wednesday, November 22, 2000 at 21:19:10
Used deity ad: One slightly used saint. He can perform several minor miracles (transmuting water to wine, bringing in the mail, cleaning the fireplace, performing circumcisions, etc.), but has yet to be paper trained. Prefers god biscuts, but will tolerate kibbles 'n bigots. For five extra souls, I'll throw in a matching avatar.
Slightly Used Saint: 35 Saved Souls
Extra Avatar: 5 Souls, Saved or Unsaved
Name: fesbestes
Email: fesbestes@yahoo.co.uk
Location: London, England - United Kingdom - Great Britain
Date: Wednesday, November 8, 2000 at 18:14:41
Used deity ad: I can gift you any deity/god/object of adoration that you feel,in your lack of understanding & wisdom,that you need to prevent me from inflicting huge amounts of grief,sickness,suffering and woe upon your miserable and stupid heads.Alternatively, I promise not to give, or sell to you if you insist, any ridiculous God of any sort ( you know that they are all useless dont you? ) if you will agree to serve me just occasionally or maybe never as required by me at my whim.In exchange, apart from me mostly leaving you alone, I hereby promise to reward you with breast and/or penile enlargement surgery. These operations are not mutually exclusive as many of you are only too aware judging by my e-mail inbox. Bloody pervs. I really don't approve of your deviations you may be surprised to read!! It's the real God who is behind all this sexual diversity because he believes in freedom of choice but I most decidely do not.When I take over you will all be confined to missionary positions once a month which is a lot more than my old woman gives me so do not piss me off any more or I will rise from the depths in a sulphorous stinking white hot raging mass of venom and spite and roger the whole damn lot of you snivelling deity worshipping god bothering bastards.Horus and Baccus tell me on a regular basis that you lot give them the raging hump with your pathetic requests for money, cures for the incurable, longer and thicker and bigger this that and the other. They know that only I will even consider such requests and only I have the necessary clout with God to occasionally grant such favours and he exacts a fearsome price from me for them. Then you moan when I ask quite reasonably for your stupid souls for eternity as though that is excessive! Oh yes, sorry, I forgot to mention that. O.k. I will throw in a really neat fertility god for your silly souls. That is a really solid deal considering your souls are see through flimsy waif like little objects that cannot be found most of the time. Trust me - this is a better deal than you will get from big G. Otherwise, start running because your life is about to take a serious turn for the worse you ungrateful snotty, shitty, smelly, horrible bits of crap.I must go - got a game of chess with the Lord of Creation who I always beat by the way! Yours (heh heh heh) Sincerely.FE550-666.A nice touch of realism that because I am obsessed with numerology as you should know - h20.ho ho ho. elvis asks to be remembered to you. Adolf says fuck you all. Nice one Addy old boy (diamond geezer that Adolf) You lot could do a lot worse than taking a leaf out of his book (mein kampf in case you didn't know) Now fuck off.This was deliberately unfunny just to jerk you around.
Name: Arkannis
Email: arkannis@la.unm.edu
Location: Los Alamos, NM, USA
Date: Friday, November 3, 2000 at 02:31:30
Used deity ad: One all powerful creator of the infinite universe looking for the slimy little weasel who has been pretending to be God for the last 8000 years for the purpose of kicking his ass. Please relay all responses through the e-mail address above.
P.S. Also looking for Kevin Smith in order to compliment him. All-powerful creator thought Dogma was funny as hell.
Name: Anna
Date: Wednesday, November 1, 2000 at 15:45:47
Used deity ad: I Believe there is only one god. He is the creater of the whole earth and some day he will come and take his own to glory and we will live with him forever. I believe in the God that Cassie stood up for she died being a witness for Jesus and some day I'll see her in heaven. My oldest brother was killed in a motorcycle accident and I miss him a lot but someday soon I'll see him again
Name: q
Email: q@hotmail.com
Location: q, q
Date: Wednesday, November 1, 2000 at 01:16:14
Used deity ad: q
Name: Dante Cubit
Email: dante_cubit@excite.com
Location: Thousand Oaks, CA, USA
Date: Monday, October 30, 2000 at 15:07:16
Used deity ad: FOR SALE: One Dead Jesus. In near-mint condition and sealed in an airtight. fiberglass container to prolong freshness, Jesus Christ is the perfect compliment to any dead-deity collector's inventory. Only noticable flaws are whip marks on the back area, small cuts on the scalp, and holes punched through both hands and feet. The inventive collector could use these hand/foot holes as a unique way of mounting Jesus on their own life-sized cross. Think of this as the perfect conversation piece at your next dead-deity collector party. Your friends will envy you because you have their Lord and Savior on display in your own living room. Price is negotiable, and there are no refunds. No personal checks, please. Buyer is responsible for all shipping charges, and Seller is not liable for any damage done by pilgrimages that may occur after purchase. DON'T miss out on this once-in-a-lifetime chance to own a genuine piece of history with DEAD JESUS.
Name: NTNON
Date: Wednesday, October 25, 2000 at 13:58:58
Used deity ad: Loving :), all-knowing(!), benevolent:) triune(!??) deity Un.able to ** fix my WOrd pr0cessor###
Name: Tina
Email: ilyena42@yahoo.com
Location: NC, USA
Date: Sunday, October 22, 2000 at 23:38:04
Used deity ad: Great cook, but even Viagra isn't helping anymore. $50 or best offer.
Name: Jesus Christ
Email: hdtv60@godisdead.com
Location: New Orleans, America
Date: Saturday, October 21, 2000 at 21:51:50
Used deity ad: God interested in SWF, who is into S&M, 20-30. Must be willing to tie me up, shit on my face, and have me do similar things to her.
Name: carl Whelpdale
Email: jimmy.Hasselbaink@ic24.net
Location: Swindon , Wiltshire
Date: Wednesday, October 18, 2000 at 18:23:16
Used deity ad: looking fore a whife
Name: carl Whelpdale
Email: jimmy.Hasselbaink@ic24.net
Location: Swindon , Wiltshire
Date: Wednesday, October 18, 2000 at 18:21:50
Used deity ad: looking for a whife
Name: carl Whelpdale
Email: Jimmy.Hasselbaink@ic24.net
Location: swindon, wiltshire
Date: Wednesday, October 18, 2000 at 18:08:44
Used deity ad: sn2 2bs
Name: Mike Rosoft
Email: jhei8158@remove_for_reply.barbora.ms.mff.cuni.cz
Location: Prague, Czech Republic
Date: Tuesday, October 17, 2000 at 12:01:31
Used deity ad: Merciful God for sale: according to his own words, he "struck Egypt in their firstborn, for his mercy endures forever." (Psalm 136:10) Is there anyone who would reject such a generous offer?
Name: Mike Rosoft
Email: jhei8158@remove_for_reply.barbora.ms.mff.cuni.cz
Location: Prague, Czech Republic
Date: Tuesday, October 17, 2000 at 12:01:12
Used deity ad: Merciful God for sale: according to his own words, he "struck Egypt in their firstborn, for his mercy endures forever." (Psalm 136:10) Is there anyone who would reject such a generous offer?
Name: The Almighty Vendor of the Gods
Email: readthisthing@emailaddress.whotookmygod?.communist
Location: Grothiltittinax, The Grothiltan Federation, planet Grothiltos, star Vega
Date: Monday, October 2, 2000 at 15:17:34
Used deity ad: We've got a wide variety of used deities here for your convenience. At a special three for one deal we can offer a trinity composed of: One homophobic, bigoted, deceptive, cruel moron, ignorant even of the # of legs on an insect, yet claiming to be omnipotent, omniscient, and omnibenevolent; One god in human form; and some sort of spirit of some kind. For those who like sitcoms, we have a dysfunctional family composed of about a dozen major Greek gods, recently refurbished. All gods require at least two extra strength FF faith batteries, and can only be controlled with a prayer ray, both sold seperately. Each deity costs only your Rational Thought, your Free-Will, and your Brain Power.
Name: Andrew J C Wallace
Email: caloe66@hotmail.com
Location: Northampton, UK
Date: Sunday, September 24, 2000 at 15:25:14
Used deity ad: FOR SALE***FOR SALE***FOR SALE***FOR SALE
Our Savior's Faeces!!!
You all know that the cross on which our Savior hung would have had to have been extremly large or all the fragments of it offered for sale are fakes!! Well now, after years of extensive searching in the desert where Jesus spent his solitary reflection, I am pleased and proud to announce that I have collected and AUTHENTICATED THE SAVIORS SHIT!!!
I need not tell you the obvious health benefits to be gained by the consumption
of a sliver of the divine doodoo. ETERNAL LIFE ON EARTH WITHOUT THE PAIN OF PASSING ON when you eat the holy turd because it has the power, being genetically un-modified and pure, to CURE ALL AILMENTS!!
To order all you have to do is send me an e-mail and I will send you details on how you can obtain the crap of Our Lord. Please bear in mind however that, unlike the cross on which He hung, His shit is of limited size and (and quantity) and the price will have to reflect the time and effort I spent in collecting the bottom boulders. This unrepeatable offer is set at £5000.00 per gramme but hurry; when it's gone, it's gone!!
Name: Fat Controller
Email: fatcontroller@come.to
Location: DobbsZone, New Zealand
Date: Wednesday, September 13, 2000 at 04:02:09
Used deity ad: "Pre-loved" deity, unexpectedly vacant, answers to "father", "god", or "hey you". Body tatty, has excellent hand carved Jacobean legs. Kung Fu Grip action.
"Good side" part of "Dual Shock" package with "evil" deity, labelled "Satan", also answers to "Lucifer", "Lucy", "(the) Devil" or "stop thief".
One won't come when called, other won't go when urged. Both attack each other on sight - excellent entertainment when nothing's on the telly.
Will exchange for functional Dobbshead, tropical fish tank or excessive amounts of money.
Name: HellPope Huey
Email: radiopope@hotmail.com
Location: Dis, Hellhole called Arkinsaw
Date: Tuesday, September 12, 2000 at 18:54:00
Used deity ad:
SubGenius Hits Iceberg,
Makes Really BIG Pina Coladas!!
I've got a better deal than all THAT! Join
The Church of the SubGenius, the religion
to join for people who hate religion and
aren't joiners!! Check out
www.subgenius.com and get right with "BOB!"
J.R. "Bob" Dobbs not only ALLOWS you to
sin, he ENCOURAGES it like MAD! The bigger
the freak you are, the GREATER YOUR GLORY!!
FUCK ALL OTHER DEITIES and SELL THE VIDEO
THROUGH THE CHURCH!! Yes, send in $30 and
get Eternal Salvation or Triple Your Money
Back! Some say "Bob" is just clip art, but
he sure seems lively for all that! You'd
KILL to have "Bob's" luck and many of us
ALREADY HAVE!!! We entice, incite,
enlighten and fondle you to ecstasy! Claim
your ticket to the Pleasure Saucers! See
real TITTIES! Rant until the neighbors
CRINGE at the very sight of you! Have your
choice of sins JUSTIFIED and THEN some!!!
Drive a sputtering old Buick into the Ass
of Organzied Religion, hit the gas and put
SKID marks on its rectal walls!!! GET SLACK
ON THE HOOF, Haw GLORY! World's greatest
DIS-organized religion, washes away all but
the useful neuroses! REVEL in your
OTHERNESS!! Exercise whatever evil skills
or mawkish "talents" you may have in a bid
to unhinge the Normals and glorify your
twisted bretheren!! Find your true Yeti
mate!! Speak in tongues or tongues in
HOLES! WE don't care as long as you're paid
UP!! CUSS LIKE ANYTHING AND *STILL* GET
DESSERT!!! As a dues-paying SubGenius, "Do
what keepeth thou from wilting shall be the
whole of the Law!" By the way, our
3rd-In-Command IS Jesus, although some of
us also know him as "Steve." He CAN be
miraculous, but has limits, as evidenced by
the fact that he still drives a Kia. Help
enrich Jesus, send "BOB" $30 TODAY!!! P.O.
Box 140306, Dallas, Texas, 75214. It'll be
the best money you ever "wasted!" Take a
dump on the hood of an evangelists's limo
and PRAISE "Bob!"
(And PRAISE Detox for the gr
Name: beezelanoodle
Date: Monday, September 11, 2000 at 19:13:03
Used deity ad: WANTED
fools to abuse
no experience necessary...
Name: Brandon James
Email: onewaytruthlife@getthere.net
Location: Norfolk, United States
Date: Monday, September 11, 2000 at 13:30:17
Used deity ad: USED GOD. Yes, actually I've used Him many times. And whaddaya know, He always comes through. EVERY SINGLE TIME. Like that time I had surgery and no cancer was found, or how about that time I was shot and somehow spared all serious injury? But see, you wouldn't know anything about that. Divine intervention and serving one God is too tall an order for you to handle. You'd rather sit back and laugh at all the others for standing up for what they believe in, when you yourselves do not have enough courage to stand up for anything, save your views of "tolerance for everyone and everything", which only further serves to prove my point. I struggle with having any sympathy for the atheists and the mockers, but I know that because my God, the one true God, DIED for you in the same way that He gave it all for me, I must put aside my feelings of hate or anger and realize that my sins are no less great than your own. I pray you realize the error of your misguided views and you turn before it is too late. How do you want your Eternity--Smoking or Non??
Name: Gary
Email: seafarer@mail.tds.net
Location: Woodbine, GA, US
Date: Sunday, August 27, 2000 at 17:20:39
Used deity ad: Well used GOD for sale. Comes complete with fundamentalist preacher to interpret his thoughts and moods. Call now or rot in HELL for eternity.
***Special*** for Catholics only - Will include one Mother Superior (defanged and the ruler she uses to hit small children on the knuckles has been confiscated!!)
Name: Vril Zauberstab
Email: misterlock@ktvb.net
Location: Idaho, USA
Date: Thursday, August 24, 2000 at 00:20:42
Used deity ad: WANTED: Celtic god and goddess statues or figurines. Must be representative of an actual historical god or goddess. This is no joke. Please email description.
Name: Vril Zauberstab
Email: misterlock@ktvb.net
Location: Idaho, USA
Date: Thursday, August 24, 2000 at 00:20:01
Used deity ad: WANTED: Celtic god and goddess statues or figurines. Must be representative of an actual historical god or goddess. This is no joke. Please email description.
Name: Detox
Email: tareq_18@yahoo.com
Location: texsas, usa
Date: Wednesday, August 16, 2000 at 17:02:00
Used deity ad: x
Name: William Weber
Email: Bill2U@Nevadaadventures.com
Location: Reno, Nevada, USA
Date: Monday, August 14, 2000 at 15:04:39
Used deity ad: God Harness: Tired of your god not answering prayers. You know that praying doesn't really work that well and is hit and miss at best. Try the god harness. Make the diety do your bidding. The days of fear and repenting are over once you are in the drivers seat with the god harness. Maybe it is not that you need a new god rather you just need a better way to force this one to do your bidding. The god harness is the answer. Just slip it on the next time you feel god has abondoned you. It will not be looking and you can take the upper hand. Now, pull to the right and the god goes to the right or pull to the left. Wow. You are in control. With the god whip accessary, you can get healing and punishment of enemies on demand. Just $29.95 plus $10.00 shipping and handing. And, if you act now we will throw in the holy book editor for free. No more contriditions in your Bible with the holy book editor. Just backspace or deleat and snap the god whip. All holy books will be changed in an instant. Make your god obey. Stop endless prayers, chants and meditations. You will not need magic spells with the god harness.
Name: William Weber
Email: Bill2U@Nevadaadventures.com
Location: Reno, Nevada, USA
Date: Monday, August 14, 2000 at 15:02:47
Used deity ad: God Harness: Tired of your god not answering prayers. You know that praying doesn't really work that well and is hit and miss at best. Try the god harness. Make the diety do your bidding. The days of fear and repenting are over once you are in the drivers seat with the god harness. Maybe it is not that you need a new god rather you just need a better way to force this one to do your bidding. The god harness is the answer. Just slip it on the next time you feel god has abondoned you. It will not be looking and you can take the upper hand. Now, pull to the right and the god goes to the right or pull to the left. Wow. You are in control. With the god wipe accessary, you can get healing and punishment of enemies on demand. Just $29.95 plus $10.00 shipping and handing. And, if you act now we will throw in the holy book editor for free. No more contriditions in your Bible with the holy book editor. Just backspace or deleat and snap the god whip. All holy books will be changed in an instant. Make your god obey. Stop endless prayers, chants and meditations. You will not need magic spells with the god harness.
Name: diggitz
Email: diggitz@diggitz.com
Location: San Antonio, TX, US
Date: Friday, August 4, 2000 at 22:58:46
Used deity ad: LOST GOD - Please help me find my once omnipotent God. He or She is invisible, goes by many names, and seems to be slightly schizophrenic (at least 3 personalities). This God was last seen on IRC in #physics. However, during a discussion of Schrodinger's Principle, and a short chicken-and-egg argument, He vanished! It's rumored that several of His friends/relatives may be paying the United States Federal Goverment to help find him. If you have personally seen or heard from this God, please contact me!!
Name: Merc
Email: merc@merc.wow.aust.com
Location: Sydney, Australia
Date: Friday, August 4, 2000 at 16:13:12
Used deity ad: Norse Gods! Norse Gods! Out they go! Once useful in propelling rapacious hordes across the North Sea to terrorise Saxon tribes, now good for distinctive hood ornaments and heavy metal album cover artwork! For sheer machismo and "Grrrr!" value, a Norse god can't be beat!
Name: Michael D Holt
Email: mikeholt@mailcity.com
Location: New Orleans, USA
Date: Friday, August 4, 2000 at 04:18:57
Used deity ad: Baccus for Sale:
Originally born Dionysis in accient Greece the Romans later renamed him Baccus. Originally known as the god of wine, he has come to be identified with all forms of intoxication and substances. Once a widely respected and worshiped diety, Baccus has been reduced to riding on Mardi Gras floats and throwing beads to young ladies willing to participate in the "Dionastic Rites". In an attempt to raise money for his Millenium Bash, Baccus ran a huge amount of debt, and has now filed for bankruptcy (both financial and spiritual). To help his creditors collect their fair share and to hop on the wagon (or is that off the wagon?)...BUY BACCUS NOW!!! DIRT CHEAP!!!
Name: Dubya
Email: gwb@free-email4dumbasses.net
Location: Texas, Dammit, what's that country's name?
Date: Wednesday, August 2, 2000 at 14:44:15
Used deity ad: I'm gonna sell myself. Just send several guns (with ammunition), a helicopter, and some beer to:
Dubya
76 Secret Conspiracy Road
Sumwar, Texas 42069
Oh, yah, and vote Dubya fer prezeedent. I'm gonna git Jesus into everthin' you want 'im outta! (Gore is Satan, I tells ya, SATAN!)
Name: Lakshmi Arshavidya
Email: mike716@ptd.net
Location: Portland, U.S.A.
Date: Wednesday, August 2, 2000 at 11:43:03
Used deity ad: Ganesh
Name: God the Father
Email: jz@ccsi.com
Location: Heaven, Universe
Date: Monday, July 31, 2000 at 13:33:28
Used deity ad: Hey, this is God the Father, creator of all things and stuff. My kid (Jesus) has been acting up lately, telling each of the two halves of Ireland that the other half is evil, letting gays into heaven just because they followed the ten commandments, and telling people he doesn't exist (http://www.sonic.net/jhuger/mystic_atheism.htm). If anyone wants him, just pray and you can have him, see if you can do anything with him. If not, just send him back. (NOTE: I only have time to respond to about 1% of prayers (despite my omnipotence) so you may have to repeat your request hundreds of times before I respond, or I may not respond at all. Keep trying.)
Name: Janus Black
Email: janus_black13@hotmail.com
Date: Friday, July 28, 2000 at 19:26:24
Used deity ad: Scrap god parts for sale 10 cents per. ounce. Was a wonderful god untill old owners whife has bound and gaged while going to church, tried to harm young son's penis at birth, tried again at 13, made a set of rules that just didn't make sence, repeatedly lied and tripped on his own words, had an offspring and murderd him, made owners son feel bad for masterbation and looking at his school chums crotch for more than three secconds, and finnaly had to be destroyed when harrassing people for not paying attention to him.
Name: Janus Black
Email: janus_black13@hotmail.com
Date: Friday, July 28, 2000 at 19:25:41
Used deity ad: Scrap god parts for sale 10 cents per. ounce. Was a wonderful god untill old owners whife has bound and gaged while going to church, tried to harm young son's penis at birth, tried again at 13, made a set of rules that just didn't make sence, repeatedly lied and tripped on his own words, had an offspring and murderd him, made owners son feel bad for masterbation and looking at his school chums crotch for more than three secconds, and finnaly had to be destroyed when harrassing people for not paying attention to him.
Name: mark
Email: the_original_rock@hotmail.com
Location: seattle, usa
Date: Thursday, July 20, 2000 at 14:58:29
Used deity ad: For Sale: As a whole, or will part out.
Jesus, Buddha, Mohammed, Vishnu,
Confuscius, Satan, Wakan-Tanka, Rah.
All slightly used, but still worth their
weight in gold. All guarantee success
and prosperity in another life. Serve
no use to me, since i am currently
involved in THIS life. Require minimum
upkeep; occasional bowing, kneeling
groveling, singing, chanting, or
self-flagulation. Will include large
parcel of swampland in Death Valley
to the fortunate taker.
Name: surya
Email: skant56@hotmail.com
Location: Baroda, india
Date: Wednesday, July 5, 2000 at 00:16:23
Used deity ad: FOR SALE ; I have antique 9 Hindu deities viz. Goddess Vaishnavi, Gajdeeplaxmi,chamunda, Bhairavi, and God Sita Ram Hanuman, Vishnu, Dhanvantri Shivling with standing Nandi, and Lotus shape all bronze sculptures in very good condition without damages.
Name: circe
Email: circe.9@chickmail.com
Location: n/a, USA
Date: Monday, July 3, 2000 at 22:09:22
Used deity ad: gently used, slightly scuffed, answers to the name mr. fluffy boots. disregard the small crusty patch near the left butt cheek.
Name: circe
Email: circe.9@chickmail.com
Location: n/a, USA
Date: Monday, July 3, 2000 at 22:09:07
Used deity ad: gently used, slightly scuffed, answers to the name mr. fluffy boots. disregard the small crusty patch near the left butt cheek.
Name: Rin
Email: moleman449@icqmail.com
Location: i, forgot
Date: Monday, July 3, 2000 at 18:13:04
Used deity ad: Cheap: low maintenance god! takes worship in the form of laziness and empty pepsi/coke cans! the devout may receive the ultimate gift, the belch-o-matic!
Name: Rev. Bob
Email: PureIsion@hotmail.com
Location: Houston, USA
Date: Sunday, June 18, 2000 at 16:55:17
Used deity ad: For Sale: Three deities claiming to be one, but three, but one, and then three again. The three deities don't do well in math, but they do well in deception, destruction, and having fun at other's expense. Warning: They must take their medication every week or they will start prosecuting innocent homosexuals, or just anybody who doesn't believe in them. They go by "Mista J.C." "The Spook" and "The Big G"
Name: Reverend J.P. Dammit
Email: asmodeus1313@yahoo.com
Location: Cleveland, United States of SLACK
Date: Friday, June 2, 2000 at 13:07:00
Used deity ad: For Sale: One formerly effective all-powerful deity, now just taking up space. Five-foot-two, eyes of blue. Has pronounced Napoleon complex. Enjoys mud wrestling, smiting the innocent, inflicting involuntary priapism, eating puppies and kittens, raining down boils from above, sexual intercourse with 14 year old Jewish virgins, Laffy Taffy, sculpting cheese by-products and fucking. Loves children, but if none can be had will make do with ham hocks and oysters. Becomes violent when the name J.R. "Bob" Dobbs is mentioned. Has many and varied sets of enormous genitalia. Will sell for $17.48 or best offer.
Name: Ranork
Email: iknowwhereyoulive@hell.com
Date: Wednesday, May 31, 2000 at 03:56:46
Used deity ad: I am the great Ranork!! All of you weak and misreable mortals will soon know my wrath!! It is I, Ranork, who created each and every one of you little bastards and soon I will destroy you all!! ha ha ha ha
Name: Euri
Email: yolora@home.com
Location: Somewhere in.., The USA.
Date: Tuesday, May 30, 2000 at 20:31:49
Used deity ad: Panny Mo of Fire and Ultimate Doom Surrounding the Ultimate Lake of Glitter Kitties, God of all things purply and fuzzy with transcendant rainbows of light and sound frolicking through lilac fields of happy. He comes with his own Ultra-Reverso-Cape with patented Invisi-Goggles®, as well as a standard charger (limited time free extra battery!) He likes long walks on beaches, as well as squishing Jell-O® between his toes, especially red jell-o®!
If interested, please turn around sixteen and a half times, say "I LIKE PUPPIES WITH BUTTS THAT SMELL", drink one teaspoon of malt liquor, and huff a can of spray paint. Simple as that.
Happy theism!!
Name: Michael Brokensha
Email: Guymonttag@aol.com
Location: Detroit, Columbia, oh no wait, United States
Date: Saturday, May 27, 2000 at 18:57:28
Used deity ad: Used Diety by the name of "Phil". Approximatly 2-3' tall. Often visits after too much robotussin. If you rub his "Captain's Log" he will grant you two and a half wishes. Interest Cumulative, purchaser, must pay shipping.
Name: oishinobi
Location: Wilkes-Barre, PA, USA
Date: Thursday, May 25, 2000 at 22:03:03
Used deity ad: God for sale: Tim, god of biscuits and small cakes. Mint condition. will take first reasonable offer not in the form of baked goods.
Name: PD
Email: odelay0000@hotmail.com
Location: MI, USA
Date: Wednesday, May 17, 2000 at 14:44:35
Used deity ad: I have 2 angels for sale. I found them on the side of the road. I found out I didn't do too much damage to them after I ran them over... One has a brused wing and the other's harp is a mess.
Call now and i can hook you up with a brand new bright red devil! A perfect combo with the angels.
Name: Keith David Reeves
Email: im2ez4u2nv@aol.com
Location: New York, United States
Date: Monday, May 15, 2000 at 01:47:36
Used deity ad: MISSING: One deity. Suspected to be 40-50 miles high, weighing 3-5 sextrillion tons. Appears to be aged about 65, may be carrying Medicaid card. (Will read "Ian Thad. Whaddeam," though misprint may read "Iam.") Missing since last week. Most likely will be found in Florida spraying whitewash onto windows in the form of a thiry-something bearded man. Considered armed and legged. Call: Johnny Paul, the Vatican, Bella Roma.
Name: Groda
Location: Albany, New York, U.S.A.
Date: Sunday, May 7, 2000 at 18:50:07
Used deity ad: God of Irony. Once transformed into a carpenter and ended up getting nailed to a piece of wood.
Name: Isaac Klinger
Email: atheist @ n...
Date: Sunday, May 7, 2000 at 13:59:24
Used deity ad: Aliens, E.T.'s, grays, all sorts of space-age deities for dorks and paranoids! Comes fully acquiped with space ship and eye-poking needles.
Name: Kue
Email: PowerpuffKue@aol.com
Location: Portland, Oregon
Date: Sunday, May 7, 2000 at 00:21:37
Used deity ad: Cheap-- Slightly used Arc, can stand 40 day flood, spacious. Guarentee: Can fit 2 of each animal.
Name: stinkyfinger
Email: moodswinger.com
Location: heaven, earth
Date: Wednesday, April 26, 2000 at 11:05:18
Used deity ad: Jesus,Mary,and God the father will be on sale next sunday!! Bring the kids,and have some fun.
See Jesus hanging on a cross,nails through his feet and hands,his mom Mary weeping at the foot of the cross.The kids will just love this,sure to make a lasting impression on them!
When you buy Jesus,you get an etenal guarantee!!!He will be with you forever,even when die!!!
So come on down and have some fun this sunday,wine wafers will be served during the sale.
St.Mary's church
world wide,open every sunday
Name: uzziel
Email: uzziel@webtv.net
Location: sincity , usa
Date: Wednesday, April 26, 2000 at 08:14:01
Used deity ad:
one 24k golden calf~~[slightly damaged]
will trade for 1000lbs of high grade
sinsemilla
Name: cheespazo
Email: cheespazo@snet.net
Location: Around the Corner, USA
Date: Monday, April 24, 2000 at 17:11:27
Used deity ad: This is NO ORDINARY GOD for sale! He can morph into ANYTHING YOU WANT HIM TO BE. (It IS a he-god, too. I turned him upside down and checked just to be sure). This god DESCRIBES HIMSELF as follows in HIS VERY OWN WORDS: "I, the Lord your God am a JEALOUS God, punishing the children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me..." CAUTION: Very old and very mean. BONUS: You get three for the price of one! PRICE: Just your life.
Name: Tony
Location: London, England
Date: Sunday, April 23, 2000 at 16:53:27
Used deity ad: Old God. Reasonably good condition. Has slightly sadistic tendencies (may flood the house a few times).NOTE:doesen't actually exist.
Name: apikouros
Date: Friday, April 21, 2000 at 21:54:04
Used deity ad: One slightly stoned deity. Claims to be the god of the Bible, yeah, that one, except she's a cherub-faced hippie chick. Yeah, I can't figure it out either. Doesn't contradict known scientific facts, although she rants about 'reductionist thinking' and is a little too in love with chaos theory. Anyway, she insists that the bullshit about killing heathens, smoting your enemies, getting punished if you don't do what certain holy men say was not her fault. She claims to be responsible for the stuff about loving your neighbor, protecting the refugee, etc in the Torah. I asked her why she didn't do some drastic QC on her own 'holy book.' "I only inspired them, dammit, I can't do the editing." She whines about "people who think I only come when there are ten of those old geezers. Geeeeeez." She whines about Christians "totally making me into this mean old white guy who killed some dude for people's sins and will put everyone except Southern Baptists into hell." As you can see, she's hours of fun. Occasionally converses with children, Makes a mean cholent and talk about the mystical properties of Hebrew letters as related to fractals for days. Won't tell me why she made a creation that lives to do the worst things to each other on the basis of what they see her as. Won't tell me where she was during several genocidal incidents including the war in the Balkans, the Crusades, the slaughter of the Armenians, and the Shoah. Oh, and don't get her started on Islam. Goes by the name 'Shekeniah,' and will only smote you for some odd reason involving kindness to strangers. Digs Phish, vegan Passover dinners and feminist haddagahs, doesn't always get along with the Orthodox. First manifested in some Jewish Renewal prayer group. Can turn herself into that six-foot old white guy people think is God, but she gets 'bummed out' afterwards. Much perfers to turn herself into Andrew Eldritch. Insists "the Issac thang" was an April Fool's joke. Can tell you where the good pot is. Loves Manschevitz. In exchange for . . .payment of student loans and a new waredrobe, perhaps? She perfers to go from house to house and rant non-stop. She is a talkative deity. Makes you wonder why everyone claims only a few people can talk to god. Now you can claim to be one of the lucky few.
Name: apikouros
Date: Friday, April 21, 2000 at 21:52:53
Used deity ad: One slightly stoned deity. Claims to be the god of the Bible, yeah, that one, except she's a cherub-faced hippie chick. Yeah, I can't figure it out either. Doesn't contradict known scientific facts, although she rants about 'reductionist thinking' and is a little too in love with chaos theory. Anyway, she insists that the bullshit about killing heathens, smoting your enemies, getting punished if you don't do what certain holy men say was not her fault. She claims to be responsible for the stuff about loving your neighbor, protecting the refugee, etc in the Torah. I asked her why she didn't do some drastic QC on her own 'holy book.' "I only inspired them, dammit, I can't do the editing." She whines about "people who think I only come when there are ten of those old geezers. Geeeeeez." She whines about Christians "totally making me into this mean old white guy who killed some dude for people's sins and will put everyone except Southern Baptists into hell." As you can see, she's hours of fun. Occasionally converses with children, Makes a mean cholent and talk about the mystical properties of Hebrew letters as related to fractals for days. Won't tell me why she made a creation that lives to do the worst things to each other on the basis of what they see her as. Won't tell me where she was during several genocidal incidents including the war in the Balkans, the Crusades, the slaughter of the Armenians, and the Shoah. Oh, and don't get her started on Islam. Goes by the name 'Shekeniah,' and will only smote you for some odd reason involving kindness to strangers. Digs Phish, vegan Passover dinners and feminist haddagahs, doesn't always get along with the Orthodox. First manifested in some Jewish Renewal prayer group. Can turn herself into that six-foot old white guy people think is God, but she gets 'bummed out' afterwards. Much perfers to turn herself into Andrew Eldritch. Insists "the Issac thang" was an April Fool's joke. Can tell you where the good pot is. Loves Manschevitz. In exchange for . . .payment of student loans and a new waredrobe, perhaps? She perfers to go from house to house and rant non-stop. She is a talkative deity. Makes you wonder why everyone claims only a few people can talk to god. Now you can claim to be one of the lucky few.
Name: Isaac Klinger
Email: daytodie@newmail.co.il
Location: Central Highland, T.H.L.
Date: Tuesday, April 18, 2000 at 15:20:29
Used deity ad: Slightly forgotten, seeks followers who will sacrifice their new-born males. Available in The Valy of Crying Children, north-west of Jerusalem. (re-introduced in Judism and Christianity as Satan. If no young children available, will settle for Christian blood)
Name: Brent Allsop
Email: allsop@fc.hp.com
Location: Fort Collins, Colorado, U.S.A.
Date: Monday, April 17, 2000 at 17:21:27
Used deity ad: For sale: Deity who's "plan of salvation" includes, if you're one of
the very few lucky ones, becoming like him, and spending an eternity
creating hellish, full of evil, isolated worlds like this one to
subject you're "spirit children" to so they can crucify and torture
each other so that you're "wrath might be just" towards them. This
deity can be had for a mere "10% of your increase" so rich and poor
alike can afford him.
Name: Darwin
Email: chuck@evolutionaryleap.net
Date: Monday, March 27, 2000 at 15:16:13
Used deity ad: Fore sale: One used diety. Cheap. Inferiority complex, easily angered; retaliates by threatening eternal damnation. For some reason, obscenely proccupied with sex lives of followers. Also angered by the consumption of pork products, snakes, buzzards, etc. Appears to believe that one of the worst things a follower can do is "covent thy neighbor's wife", while rape, war, greed, homophobia, and the occassional murder and enslavement of the "heathens next door" are encouraged.
Name: XXX
Email: How'sItFeelToBeAFool?.com
Date: Saturday, March 18, 2000 at 15:19:02
Used deity ad: Get your used deities here...while they last. They come in all flavors...kind, mean, 1 headed, 2 headed, 3 headed...you name it. If you can belive it, we can get you whatever whack-o diety you crave. Lost? Lonely? Broke? Jilted? Sick? Ignorant? Uneducated? Illogical? Emotionally needy? We have a diety for you! All VERY used, but still able to be preyed to anytime. All dieties we offer need money, a LOT of money,regularly. Ability to feel weakness and guilt a must.
Name: Roger Jones
Email: elffire@bellatlantic.net
Location: Norfolk, U.S.A.
Date: Monday, March 13, 2000 at 09:12:05
Used deity ad: I Have A God for you and he's free for the asking he loves you no matter what you do. He wants to give you a pure heart and to fill that hole in your soul that you keep trying to fill with so many worldly things. He even gave his son's life so that you could be reconciled to him if only you ask.
God loves you, God loves you, God loves you!
Name: Ann Atheist
Email: promarken@juno.com
Location: Kansas City, USA
Date: Sunday, March 12, 2000 at 12:13:53
Used deity ad: USED DIETY FOR SALE! Has many ignorant followers, comes with a bible, and a few buildings here and there but very testy, bossy but also very weak. Will except credit cards, cash, CD's or food stamps.
Name: Krishna
Email: Krishna@yahoo.com
Location: Bible Belt , USA
Date: Thursday, March 2, 2000 at 19:51:24
Used deity ad: Me for sale. I am blue and play the flute and like to get it on with gopis. I am a known butter stealer. but i appreciate my one true love. I will be a good deity for those hopeless romantic types.
Name: Groda, son of Bob, eater of the cheese of many lands, slayer of the mighty terrier that guards the gates of Boise, phreaker of fones, ally of all toads…
Email: groda@groda.se
Location: Linkoping, Sweden
Date: Friday, February 25, 2000 at 23:03:34
Used deity ad: Loki: Norse god of mischief; recently becoming evil; attached to a stone in an underground cave as a snake drips venom in his eyes. Comes with garaunteed Nordic quality. Let's see that kind of garrauntee with Yaweh!
Name: slasher
Email: slasher@minot.com
Location: devil's pitchfork, hell
Date: Tuesday, February 22, 2000 at 19:11:30
Used deity ad: Today I'm selling a slightly used deity. Looks to be about 437 feet tall, and infinitely heavy. Apparently he was a powerful god once, but he's "lost a few followers to the internet, and such..." He's in pretty good condition, (I THINK he's a he) and will be worshiped and bowed to really cheap. I found him going through my dumpster for sparkly things, and told him that maybe I could find him a follower. Check or money order accepted.
Name: Erik
Date: Sunday, February 20, 2000 at 13:22:07
Used deity ad: Annoying, cries constantly, requires regular feeding and can't get along with other dieties, take it at your own risk.
Name: Mr. Atheist
Email: mr_atheist@godisdead.com
Location: Enschede, The Netherlands
Date: Saturday, February 19, 2000 at 17:46:10
Used deity ad: Wants to get rid of deity asap. Deity is childish, violent and takes up a lot of space up here. Limits my growth, so please come and pick it up for free...
Name: I. 4. Gott
Email: nerd525@yahoo.com
Location: Nowheresville, Damn it I forgot that too
Date: Monday, February 14, 2000 at 16:19:15
Used deity ad: Used 1992 model Subaru God. 4-wheel drive, anti-lock brakes, no windshield. Your life savings and all of your possessions must be sent to me in order to worship. Call for address. Fees non-negotiable. 555-2686
Name: reb0rn
Email: reb0rn@flashmail.com
Location: dallas, tx,
Date: Sunday, February 13, 2000 at 01:18:45
Used deity ad: one USED GOD OF ALL CREATION for sale!! he's rather worn out...i mean, he thought up and created this universe. his most beautiful sentient creation (lucifer) tried to overthrow him and god had to kick his ass. god then created humans and the humans turned their back on god to embrace lucifer's lie of becoming their own gods. now God has spent 5000+ years trying to reconcile with the dumbass humans but the humans won't have it. instead of embracing His pure and unfailing love they misrepresent him with dogmatic religion, holy wars, extortion, and blatant hypocrisy. then the "scientists" and "philosophers" abuse him by saying that the concept of God defies all reason and logic when in fact logic presents clearly that god is the source of all reason and logic. God then came to earth in human form and spread his message of love while denouncing "religion" and hypocrisy. of course the religious hypocrites couldn't handle the truth so they executed him. as you can see this deity has definitely been used and i'm tired of him. his unfailing and perfect love disgusts me and the all too obvious undeniability of his existence makes we want to hop on the bandwagon and rebel!! so here he is. take him. he's COMPLETELY FREE!!!!
Name: Steve Jasper
Email: sjasper@nlc.net.au
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
Date: Wednesday, February 9, 2000 at 03:26:51
Used deity ad: For sale: two used deities. One goes by the name of "Cthulhu". Likes to drive insane slowly, then ultimately destroy. The other goes by "Yahweh" or "Jehovah", and isn't any better.
Will accept ABBA CDs in payment.
Name: Tony
Location: London, England
Date: Friday, February 4, 2000 at 14:28:23
Used deity ad: Want a God? Well I've got one and I.............. Whats the point, as if anybodies going to buy such a piece of trash.
Name: Yusuf Muhajir
Email: ymuhajir@yahoo.com
Date: Thursday, January 27, 2000 at 15:01:39
Used deity ad: YEEEEHAAAAAH!! HI FRIENDS! DO YOU NEED A NEW GOD? WELL OF COARSE YOU DO! AN OL' JIMMY BACKWATER'S GOT ONE JUST FOR YOU! I GOT 'EM ALL! YEP, THAT'S WHAT I SAID FOLKS. YOU LIKE TO BE PRODDED INTO SUBMISSION? YOU LIKE HANDLIN' SNAKES AN DRINKIN' ACID? YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH WOMENFOLK? GUESS WHAT? THAT'S RIGHT, I GOT A GOD FOR YOU. DON'T LIKE MEAT, YA SAY? I GOT A GOD FER YOU TOO! (THIS' UN'S KINDA DANGEROUS THOUGH. HE LIVES IN A RING OF FIRE AND HE'S GOT SIX ARMS FLAPPIN' ALL AROUND). SO COME ON DOWN TO OL' JIMMY BACKWATER'S GOD EMPORIUM WHERE OUR MOTTO IS, "HAVE A GOD DAY AND LET'CHER DIM LIGHT SHINE!" Void where prohibited by reason. Some gods have been known to repel dogs and hobos. May incite need for world dominance if two (2) gods are kept in same roo.
Name: AOL Time Warner prod #2498520
Email: armand3k@hotmail.com
Location: Mobile, AL, USA
Date: Thursday, January 13, 2000 at 00:00:51
Used deity ad: Big bad God. Pouts often. Claims omnipotence, yet punishes for sins... Short attention span. Likes to make something and destroy it. Responds badly to medication. Likes Lite Rock and Top 40.
Will trade for "the age of reason" in good condition.
Name: Secular Pagan
Email: secularpagan@planetaccess.com
Date: Saturday, January 8, 2000 at 01:45:24
Used deity ad: WILL TRADE: Belief in inhumane, vindictive, punitive, fire-breathing deity for belief in humanity.
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