Mulberry St., Whoville -- Both wear big, tall, silly hats. Both are very influential across cultures and generations. Both are famous for making nonsensical statements about mythical beings. In so many ways, the Cat in the Hat and the Pope are alike, but when it comes to pliant human minds, their strategies could not be more different, as their recent debate demonstrated.
The Cat in the Hat, whose headpiece is soft, flat-topped, and striped thrice red and twice white, leads Seussian efforts to teach young children the joys of reading and the ability to recognize and laugh at absurd, impossible, fantastic creatures and ideas. Feline strategy in this insidious campaign involves fanciful rhyme devoid of reason.
The Pope, formally "Supreme Pontiff" of the Catholic Church, wears a stiff, white, intricately designed, pointed hat. He instructs adults and children not to read what he says not to read and to revere and worship selected absurd, impossible, fantastic creatures and ideas. Papal strategy involves fanciful reason devoid of rhyme.
The two leaders are in perpetual conflict. Each tries to extend his dominion by expounding increasingly silly views on any and all topics. Firing the latest salvo, the Pontiff recently issued an encyclical entitled "Faith and Reason" ("Fides et Ratio"). An encyclical, as the name suggests, is a statement of circular reasoning intended to confound readers and make them susceptible to its silly suggestions.
The Debate
The Cat in the Hat, never one to shrink from a challenge, agreed to face the Pontiff/Pope in a debate to determine who is sillier. The material permitted to be used included "Fides et Ratio" and the Books of Seuss. Here are excerpts:
The Creator myth vs. the Bored Bump Theory...
Supreme Pontiff: If human beings with their intelligence fail to recognize God as Creator of all, it is not because they lack the means to do so, but because their free will and their sinfulness place an impediment in the way.
Cat in the Hat: The sun did not shine. It was too wet to play. So we sat in the house all that cold, cold, wet day. I sat there with Sally. We sat there, we two. And I said, "How I wish we had something to do!" Too wet to go out and too cold to play ball. So we sat in the house. We did nothing at all. So all we could do was to sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! And we did not like it. Not one little bit. *BUMP!* And then something went BUMP! How that bump made us jump! We looked! Then we saw him step in on the mat! We looked! And we saw him! The Cat in the Hat!
On juggling contradictory ideas...
Supreme Pontiff: The principle of non-contradiction is among the indications that, beyond different schools of thought, there exists a body of knowledge which may be judged an implicit philosophy.... In the Incarnation of the Son of God we see forged the enduring and definitive synthesis which the human mind of itself could not even have imagined: the Eternal enters time, the Whole lies hidden in the part, God takes on a human face.
Cat in the Hat: I will not let you fall. I will hold you up high as I stand on a ball. With a book on one hand! And a cup on my hat! But that is not ALL I can do! Look at me! Look at me now! With a cup and a cake on the top of my hat! I can hold up TWO books! I can hold up the fish! And a little toy ship! And some milk on a dish! And look! I can hop up and down on the ball! But that is not all! Oh, no. That is not all... Look at me! Look at me! Look at me NOW! It is fun to have fun, but you have to know how. I can hold up the cup and the milk and the cake! I can hold up these books! And the fish on a rake! I can hold the toy ship and a little toy man! And look! With my tail I can hold a red fan! I can fan with the fan as I hop on the ball! But that is not all. Oh, no. That is not all....
What determines entrance to heaven?
Supreme Pontiff: Freedom is not realized in decisions made against God. For how could it be an exercise of true freedom to refuse to be open to the very reality which enables our self-realization? Men and women can accomplish no more important act in their lives than the act of faith; it is here that freedom reaches the certainty of truth and chooses to live in that truth.
Cat in the Hat: Quoting a poem by Dr. Seuss, entitled "I am Prepared": "When I cross the Bar of the Great Blue Beyonder / I know that my Maker, without pause or ponder, / Will welcome my soul. For my record is scar-less / I've eaten no oysters in months that are R-less."
On the relationship between faith and reason...
Supreme Pontiff: There is a profound and indissoluble unity between the knowledge of reason and the knowledge of faith. There is thus no reason for competition of any kind between reason and faith. The results of reasoning may in fact be true, but these results acquire their true meaning only if they are set within the larger horizon of faith. It is as if, moving between the twin poles of God's word and a better understanding of it, reason is offered guidance and is warned against paths which would lead it to stray from revealed Truth.
Cat in the Hat: Well, that's just fucked.
And the Pope was declared to be sillier than the Cat in the Hat.
