Theistica -- This tiny nation is nestled on a sliver of land that possesses an exquisite beauty. But its idyllic landscapes and natural bounty are matched by the fanatic conviction and intolerance of its inhabitants.
The cause? A silly theologian's conundrum (you can put that together any way you want): Can God create a rock so heavy even he cannot lift it?
'Lifters' answer with an emphatic "No." Their faith mandates that God's infinite strength enables him to lift absolutely anything of any weight. 'Rockers' believe in the same omnipotent God, but they consider any limitation of his creative powers to be blasphemous. Their answer is an equally emphatic "Yes."
Escalating Conflict
Over the course of several centuries, what began as a difference of opinion among tribal elders slowly experienced parallel evolution into fully realized cults. Now, both Rockers and Lifters lay claim to independent, voluminous, intricate, comprehensive systems of philosophy enslaved by superstition. Age has made the cults religions.
In recent years, the religious conflict, previously confined to balkanization of neighborhoods and mutual distrust and discrimination, has blossomed into confrontations in the streets. Gangs of Lifters and Rockers face-off against each other in rock-tossing battles. It has become a familiar scene.
Rockers find the largest rocks they can, bless and anoint them, and propel them toward the Lifters as if they were bowling with boulders. This is said to signify God's rock-creation omnipotence. Lifters, using special sacramental equipment, slow, stop, and raise the rocks before tossing them back. This glorifies God by praising his infinite rock-lifting powers.
Many people have died during these contests, either by being literally bowled over or by being crushed by falling rocks. To be killed by a heavy rock is considered a ticket into heaven.
Peace Efforts
Efforts to build a peace process initially involved organizing a variety of bi-denominational community-building events such as concerts, sports, and stone-skipping competitions (a religious ritual common to both groups).
Sports were popular until a game at which the Rockers and Lifters occupied their own exclusive seating areas on opposite sides of the stadium. They shouted at each other across the playing field, completely drowning out the game. The repetitive, alternating chant could easily be heard far away: "Great strength!" "Heavy rock!" "Great strength!" "Heavy rock!"
United Nations peacekeeping forces assisted with the evacuation of the stadium. Any future planned sporting events were quickly cancelled.
The United States sent Secretary of State Madeline Albright to the region with hopes of mediating a peaceful resolution to the conflict. Some initial progress was made when representatives of both factions joined in uproarious laughter when the Secretary said, "Perhaps we can all agree. God can create a rock too heavy for him to lift. Then, he can lift it."
In the turmoil that followed, negotiations were suspended while participants paused to catch their breaths. The Secretary claimed not to see the humour in her earnest suggestion, but she was nevertheless apologetic.
"I'm Jewish. Our religion is full of sophistry like that. We don't mind."
