San Francisco, CA -- A secret internal memorandum leaked from the headquarters of Jews for Jesus reveals a plan to modify the holiday of Christmas to make it more appealing to Orthodox Jews and attract them to the sect.
Jews for Jesus and other Jewish missionary ministries are engaged in a concerted effort "to make the Messiahship of Jesus an unavoidable issue to [the] Jewish people worldwide." They are exceedingly careful to avoid publicly identifying themselves as "Christians" and have convinced some weakly religious Jews to add the Christ myth to the vast annals of Jewish theological lunacy.
Orthodox Jews are strongly adherent to the strict beliefs, laws and customs of their religion and are not easily swayed from the path laid out by these blinders. They are well-insulated against intrusive contrary ideas, whether they come from reality or Christianity, and Jews for Jesus have found them invulnerable to missionary efforts.
Current Jewish Christmas Campaign "Laughable"
The leaked memo presents an analysis of the problem. "In Orthodox Judaism, faith takes a back-seat to practice. Followers are obsessed with conforming to an intricate system of codified rules regulating every detail of normal life and religious ritual. Popular Christian ceremonies seem insubstantial and casual in comparison."
The Christmas holiday is singled out, and although there is a campaign currently underway to convince Jews that "Christmas is a Jewish holiday (or at least it should be)," the memo describes it as "simplistic, silly, even laughable." The campaign belittles Jewish reluctance to observe Christmas, suggesting it boils down to a feeling that "even if he has a beard, Santa is not Jewish." The arguments for celebrating the birth of Jesus include these equally quotable gems:
- he is the world's oldest living Jew -- since he is still alive
- all of Jesus' apostles spoke with a Jewish accent
- giving presents is a very Jewish thing to do
In place of this unsuccessful strategy come the newly proposed modifications to Christmas, guided by the traditional practice of established Jewish holidays. Jews for Jesus hope that by intensifying the requirements of a kosher holiday it will become more familiar, and they will overcome the knee-jerk objections of Orthodox Jews who think it's not a "real" Yom Tov.
Sample New Christmas Practices
The memo states that the complete 6-volume set of the new regulations and customs, including all differing opinions of rabbinical authorities, will be made available soon. Many of the important modifications are excerpted here in an exclusive preview of the new and improved Jewish Christmas celebration:
Terms and times of the holiday
