Why a spare tire is better than gods
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- Steve Diamond on Monday, February 5, 2007 at 22:35:42:
A spare tire will never dictate who you can, or can not love (or give a ride to). It wont pretend to be three tires, while only being one, thus avoiding confusion. It will never make your family reject you. It wont ask for donations, or that you spread any "good word" about it. It wont expect you to find other people, and bring them home, to pay attention to it and study it. It wont suck several hours from your life weekly, or ruin your sunday mornings (unless it goes flat).
- Chief Quimby on Friday, June 11, 2004 at 20:42:42:
In the beginning, god create beer.
For seven days, he drank hiumself silly.
God's buddies laughed at his growing pot belly. But god had a SPARE TIRE and declared:
BEHOLD, I HAVE CREATED A GIRDLE FOR MINESELF. MY BELLY GIVES A FEARSOME TREMBLE.
God's buddies thought this was way too over the top and hid god's beer (also, he got really obnoxious and violent when drunk). Ever since then, god has been in a killing mood.
- jean on Thursday, March 11, 2004 at 10:39:20:
First and for most i am a born again christian. I will not judge anyone who does not believe as i believe. However in my bible the kjv it distinctly says : Genesis chapter 1 In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. Genesis 1:27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. Romans 3:10 There is none righteous, no not one. Romans 3:23 For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God. Romans 6:23 For the wages of sin is death;but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. Romans 10:9 That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead,thou shalt be saved. 1John 1:9 If we shall confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
- Stuart on Wednesday, February 4, 2004 at 21:26:34:
The world would be a harder place to live without the "invention" of the tyre. The "invention" of Jesus however has only caused war, bigotry and gave the church an excuse to cover up child abuse.
Hail Tyres!
- Martin on Saturday, October 4, 2003 at 17:26:53:
A few nails in a tyre don't kill it.
- Aristodikos Kouros on Friday, June 20, 2003 at 05:39:15:
A spare tyre doesn't carry the risk of the world ending and everyone who doesn't think it exists burning for eternity.
- ReDDneCKK on Monday, June 9, 2003 at 18:53:33:
ALL MEN ARE BORN IN A STATE OF SIN. THE ONLY HOPE OF SAVLATION IS GOD'S ONLY BEGOTTEN SPARE TIRE. BOW DOWN AND WORSHIP THE ONE TRUE SPARE TIRE OR BURN IN HELL FOR ALL ETERNITY.
- Mr. huh? on Saturday, October 26, 2002 at 15:35:52:
When you find a fault with a spare tire, nobobdy excuses it by saying that "it's the mystery of the tire's ways".
- Mr. huh? on Saturday, October 26, 2002 at 15:32:17:
Spare tires don't require blind faith in order to believe in them. They can be scientifically proven. And it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that Heaven is an imaginary place created by power mongers to prey upon the gullible and fearful in order to get them into their cult.
- Sean Aden Lovelace on Wednesday, October 23, 2002 at 19:41:17:
Nobody ever went to world war over a spare tire.
- vegetakami on Tuesday, August 27, 2002 at 15:31:28:
Because you can change spare tires without penalty from another spare tire. Also, if buddhists are right, it is easier to pick the right spare tire.
- Uriah on Tuesday, August 20, 2002 at 14:54:30:
Spare tires exist, they are helpful, and it is unlikely that rednecks will ever type in all caps about how you should worship one.
- forget it on Thursday, June 6, 2002 at 21:23:04:
where did god come from? how did he get there? hes not there... we have more proof he doesnt exist than does...but i want u to know this is sincere.. when it comes to believing in god ive tried.. ive really tried. ive tried to believe that there is a god that created each of us in his own image and lightness loves us very much and keeps a close eye on things but the longer u live, the more u look around.. the more u realize,something is fucked up...war, disease, death, distruction, hunger , felth, poverty, torture, crime, curruption and the ICE CAPADES...something is deffinatly wrong.. if this is the best god can do.. im not impressed..results like these do not belong in the resimay of a supreme being.. this is the kind of shit you would expect from and office temp with a bad additude...and just between u and me, in any decently run universe, this guy wouldve been out on his all powerful ass a long time ago. and by the way i say this "guy" because i fermly believe that lookin at these results that if there is a god it has to be a man because no women could or would ever fuck things up like this. So, if there is a god IF THERE IS, i think most resonable people would agree that hes atleast incompitant and maybe just maybe doesnt give a shit.. which i admire in a person and which would explain a lot of these bad results. so rather than being just another one of these mindless religious robots blindly believing that all of this is in the hands of some spooky incompitant father figure who "doesnt give a shit" i decided to look around for something else to worship. something i could really count on and immediatly i thought of the sun.. happend like that.. overnight i became a sun worshiper.. well not over night, u cant see the sun at night.. but first thing the next morning... i became a sun worshiper.. several reasons first of all i can see the sun OK haha..ha ha.. unlike someother gods i can mention i can actually see the sun, im big on that if i can see somethin i dunno, kinda helps the credibility along ya know? so everyday i can see the sun, as it gives me everything i need, heat, light, food, flowers in the park, relfections on the lake, an occasional skin cancer but hey, at least there r no crusifictions and we're not setting people on fire simply because they dont agree with us... sun worship is fairly simple.. theres no mysteries, no miracles, no pagentry, noone asks for money, there r no songs to learn and we dont have a special building where we all gather once a week to compare clothing.... and the best thing, THE BEST THING about the sun, it never tells me im unworthy. doesnt tell me im a bad person that needs to be saved, hadnt said an unkind word, treats me fine. so i worship the sun. but i dont prey to the sun. know why? i wouldnt presume on our friendship. its not polite. ive always thought people treated god rather rudly, dont u? trillions and trillions of prayers everyday, asking, and pleding and begging for favors, do this , give me that, i need a new car, i want a better job, and most of this praying takes place on sunday, his day off...and i say fine prey for anything u want, pray for anything, but, what about the devine plan? remeber that, the devine plan? long time ago god made a devine plan. gave it a lot of thought decided it was a good plan put it into practice, and for billions and billions of years the devine plan has been doing just fine. Now u come along and pray for something. well suppose the thing u want isnt in gods devine plan. what do u want him to do? change his plan? just for u? whats the use of being god if every rundown schmuk with a 2 dollar prayer book can come along and fuck up ur plan? and heres something else another problem u might have... suppose ur prayers arnet answered? what do u say? well its gods will.. thy will be done. fine, but if its gods will, hes going to do what he wants to anyway y the fuck bother praying in the first place?? seems like a big waist of time to me... couldnt u just skip the praying part and get right to his will? its all very confusing. so to get around all of this, i decided to wroship the sun. but as i said i dont prey to the sun u know who i prey to? joe peschy..joe peschy.. 2 reasons.. first of all i think hes a good actor ok? to me that counts.. second he looks like a guy who can get things done.. joe peschy doesnt fuck around.. doesnt fuck around... infact, infact joe came through on a couple of things god was having trouble with. for years i asked god to do something about my noisy neighbors with a barking dog, joe peschy straighted that cocksucker out with one visit. its amazing what u can accomplish with a simple baseball bat. so ive been praying to joe for about a year now. and ive noticed something..i noticed all the prayers i used to offer to god and all the prayers i now offer to joe peschy r being answered at about the same 50 percent rate. half the time i get waht i want, half the time i dont. same as god 50 50. same as the 4 leaf clover, the horse shoe, the rabbits foot and the wishing well, same as the mojo man, same as the voodoo lady who tells u ur fortune by squeezing the goats testicles. its all the same 50 50.. so just pick ur superstition sit back make a wish and enjoy urself. and for those of u who choose the bible for its literary qualities and moral lessons, i got a couple of other stories i might like to reccomend to u.. u might enjoy the 3 little pigs,, thats a good one has a nice happy ending, then theres little red riding hood although it does have that one X-rated part where the big bad wolf actually eats the grandmother. which i didnt care for by the way.. and finally ive always drawn a great deal of moral comfert from humpty dumpty. the part i like the best: all the kings horses and all the kings men couldnt put humpty dumpty back together again.. thats because there is no humpty dumpty and there is not god. none, not one, never was, no god.. INFACT, im gonna put it this way, if there is a god IF there is a god, may he strike this audience dead.... see nothing happened... here ill even raise the stakes.. ill raise the stakes a little bit...if there is a god may he strike me dead...............see, nothing happ... ohg wait, i got a little cramp in my leg, and my balls hurt, plus im blind..IM BLIND oh wait now i can see again must have been joe peschy...god bless joe peschy........ religion is viewed by the common people as real the wise as false and the rulers as useful..... thomas jefferson said these exact words: christianity is the most preverted thing to strike mankind, and he was a genious...im out everyone take care
- Kari on Wednesday, April 17, 2002 at 13:24:09:
Because I believe the tire exists.
- J. Aaron D. Erwin on Thursday, April 4, 2002 at 22:02:18:
Easter brings to mind...
The Story of Jesus: so powerful and transcendent it predates his supposed existence.
- THE ENEMY on Tuesday, March 12, 2002 at 15:35:51:
BUT WITHOUT FAITH IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO PLEASE HIM; FOR HE THAT COMETH TO GOD MUST BELIEVE THAT HE IS, AND THAT HE IS A REWARDER OF THEM THAT DILIGENTLY SEEK HIM. HEBREWS 11:6
- GOD on Tuesday, March 12, 2002 at 14:24:25:
I will give free water from the spring of the water of life to anyone who is thirsty. Those who win the victory will receive this , and I will be their GOD and they will be my children. BUT COWARDS, THOSE WHO REFUSE TO BELIEVE, WHO DO EVIL THINGS, WHO KILL, WHO SIN SEXUALLY, WHO DO EVIL MAGIC, WHO WORSHIP IDOLS, AND WHO TELL LIES-all these will have a place in the lake of burning sulfur. THIS IS THE SECOND DEATH. REVELATION 6-8 NEW CENTURY BIBLE
- THE PERFECT GENTLEMAN on Tuesday, March 12, 2002 at 13:53:46:
FOR GOD SENT NOT HIS SON INTO THE WORLD TO CONDEMN THE WORLD; BUT THAT THE WORLD THROUGH HIM MIGHT BE SAVED. JOHN 3:17 KJV
- THE PEERFECT GENTLEMAN on Tuesday, March 12, 2002 at 03:19:13:
You can always call somebody to come and get you if you don't have a spare tire. Who can you call to get you out of HELL. Nobody.
- THE ENEMY on Tuesday, March 12, 2002 at 03:12:40:
Spare tires can get you to your house or to work. JESUS CHRIST can get you to Heaven. Now it don't take a Rocket Scientist to figure out which one is better.
- Timmy on Thursday, March 7, 2002 at 00:14:33:
FUCK I AM A SILLY IDIOT!
I thought it was Spare Rib... Ohh,
Timmy! Concentrate... I am so tired...
Well, anyway, a spare tire in ADDITION
to a soy-sausage is CLEARLY better
than any God. Pffeeew...
- Timmy on Thursday, March 7, 2002 at 00:12:09:
As I firmly believe humans are just
animals, I donīt dig on eating my
(dumber, but cuter) brothers and
sisters, at least they can feel.
BUT: A soy-sausage is, indeed, far
better than God. Cuz it tastes almost
like the real thing (god definetly does
NOT) and itīs cool (cruelty-free). And
god wonīt fill my stomach, that bitch.
- Brian on Wednesday, October 24, 2001 at 19:06:19:
Tires are real because they do exist and can be seen.
All things that can been seen and proven to exist are real.
Gods are not proven to exist and can't be seen, therefore god is not real.
- spiritgrrrl on Monday, August 27, 2001 at 11:01:21:
Why is a spare tire better than my used god?
1) It's more well-rounded.
2) It serves some useful purpose.
3) It may actually save your sorry ass when you're stranded in BFE with a flat tire someday.
4) Spare tires never advocated eternal torture for those who don't care properly for them.
- The Slayer 666 on Friday, August 24, 2001 at 14:40:07:
To the dumbass who calls himself Raggamuffin. I will grab my spare tire because it will come in more handy than prayer
- Raggamuffin on Sunday, August 5, 2001 at 20:58:24:
But Jesus died for you all just the same and ourlast day we all shall cry out "God help me", which of you will be grasping for your spare tire then?
- The Slayer 666 on Saturday, August 4, 2001 at 21:41:37:
Think of the good that could come if a spare tire was dropped on the heads of religous idiots
- The Slayer 666 on Saturday, August 4, 2001 at 21:39:51:
People are more likely to thank you for lending them a spare tire than preach the holy babble.
- Transcender on Friday, July 20, 2001 at 13:26:29:
Spare tires don't destroy cities, and gods don't exist.
- asylum50 on Monday, July 2, 2001 at 01:25:54:
the air in the tire is STILL not as stale as the air in religion.
- Judas the Girl on Sunday, April 29, 2001 at 14:09:29:
A spare tire on the back of your car says: "I am practical, yet classy"
A jesus fish on the back of your car says: " I am delusional, key me PLEASE!"
- ST. John on Friday, March 30, 2001 at 18:55:39:
But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liers, shall have there part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death. ST. John. KJV
- The Cobbster on Monday, March 12, 2001 at 12:40:35:
Spare tires lose air with time. Religion loses truth with time.
Spare tires assist you in your time of need.
Religion drains you in your time of need.
- Cres on Sunday, March 11, 2001 at 03:15:53:
I've never seen a "Spare tires hate fags!" sign.
- J on Wednesday, February 21, 2001 at 12:54:04:
If I nail a spare tire to a tree, 2000 years from now, no-one will give a damn.
- Arthur on Thursday, December 28, 2000 at 15:02:50:
You dont have to pray to spare tires.Spare tires always listen.Spare tires dont make you get up on Sunday. Spare tires dont ask for 10% of your income.
- bestonnet on Wednesday, September 20, 2000 at 04:35:42:
Spare tyres help cars that get a flat tyre move around but gods help you stay put when you don't want to.
- Haakon on Friday, August 25, 2000 at 18:38:28:
spare tyres are full of air but gods are full of shit.
- Adam on Wednesday, August 9, 2000 at 02:29:33:
Spare Tires cost less
- Adam on Wednesday, August 9, 2000 at 02:27:56:
I Can Slash a tire
- L. J. on Friday, August 4, 2000 at 03:26:34:
No matter what an evil shark the auto dealer who sold you the tyre is, he's got nothing on the Pope.
- Pete Rock on Saturday, June 3, 2000 at 16:27:41:
Spare tires won't send you to hell for jerking off.
- Okhawk on Thursday, May 18, 2000 at 21:34:15:
Spare tires are actually useful.
- Some Guy on Monday, February 14, 2000 at 16:02:43:
ANYTHING is better than "God"!
- Some Guy on Monday, February 14, 2000 at 16:02:10:
There aren't millions of nut-cases who try to pray to their spare tires.
- David Gladden on Friday, February 4, 2000 at 15:37:12:
A spare tire comes with a warranty and a guarantee that it will function as advertised.
- John Atheist on Sunday, January 23, 2000 at 13:48:00:
Even though the spare tier will never anwser why its not there, at least it's made out of rubber(something, anything, etc.!!!!).
- bestonnet on Saturday, January 22, 2000 at 07:24:13:
Not as many people get pissed off when you burn a spare tire.
- Wyatt Parkinson on Friday, August 6, 1999 at 19:55:35:
"Weaving a net is better than praying for fish at the edge of water." -- Chinese Proverb... Using a spare on your car is better than praying for the flat tire to be resurrected.
- Zoe the Slow-and-Go Priestess on Thursday, June 24, 1999 at 13:00:11:
A spare tire will actually get your car off the freeway shoulder and to the nearest tire store. "God" apparently can't handle even the smallest crisis...
- Albert McCune on Friday, June 4, 1999 at 11:54:37:
If I decide to go through life with no spare tire, I'm not likely to be continually meeting people who try to tell me how much I really need a spare tire and how much having a spare tire in thier lives has meant to them.
- Albert McCune on Wednesday, April 28, 1999 at 13:56:20:
It's a lot harder to get through life with no spare tire.
- Albert Mccune on Wednesday, April 28, 1999 at 13:54:10:
A spare tire's a lot more reliable.
- Spit on Monday, March 29, 1999 at 00:44:10:
If a spare tire fails you, you can set it on fire and watch it burn instead of the other way around.
- David Gladden on Friday, January 15, 1999 at 09:20:07:
A spare tire will help you if you get stranded.
- Dentar on Thursday, December 31, 1998 at 20:54:24:
A spare tire takes a hell of a lot less space in your trunk.
- Bay on Friday, December 25, 1998 at 10:32:20:
No Eternal Dammnation! Yay!
- Hairy Kerri on Saturday, December 19, 1998 at 14:33:03:
You can take the tube out of a spare and float lazily down the river on it. Sailing, sailing, over the bounding main...
- Sebastian on Saturday, December 19, 1998 at 03:53:15:
Jesus! We are definitely addressing a spare, not a flat tire. Please, accept my apologies. Obviously, I'll have to fix something other than a tire.
...because it's essential and practical.
- Sebastian on Saturday, November 21, 1998 at 14:00:11:
You can (most of the time) fix a flat tire and put a fresh breath of air into it.
- Albert McCune on Tuesday, November 10, 1998 at 14:54:56:
A spare tire occassionally comes in handy.
- Syntaxx on Monday, August 24, 1998 at 03:10:30:
The spare tire only took 3 days to create the earth, and you know what that means.. FOUR-DAY-WEEKEND!!! WOOHOO!!
- Bob Hypes on Monday, July 6, 1998 at 10:45:05:
Even if you find that your spare is flat when you need it, and no matter how decrepit it may be, it is real; gods aren't.
- WILL on Wednesday, July 1, 1998 at 11:10:04:
God(s) require religious nuts but spare tires require only "lug" nuts.
- MAD COW!!! on Sunday, May 31, 1998 at 17:27:41:
People don't kill each other over spare tires.
- Dan Adams on Monday, May 18, 1998 at 20:04:43:
If you change spare tires you probably won't have Ayatollahs issuing death sentences against you.....
- Michael Junker on Monday, February 9, 1998 at 16:17:02:
Let's be honest, you don't expect much from a spare tire anyway. So, when it lets you down, it's not too depressing.
- Dov on Saturday, January 17, 1998 at 14:36:08:
If a spare tire fails your hope and trust, there's a higher authority: the tow truck.
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