Name: John "Spike" White
Email: willkill4food@earthling.net
Location: Utica, America!!
Date: Saturday, May 29, 2004 at 22:56:02
Used deity ad: Well, It's good for your soul, or your nose. I think its like..a ghost or something, either that or a kleenex. Hmm, I think it still has some green stuff in it. Holy Green Stuff! Wowsers!
Name: Mike
Email: mikbry24@yahoo.com
Location: Southern States, USA
Date: Monday, April 12, 2004 at 12:11:02
Used deity ad: Free to Empty Heart: One Savior, Jesus Christ, crucified, risen and coming again with life and liberty to all who believe. Patient, loving and kind, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance, to which His kindness leads us. Gives 2nd, 3rd and 4th........(you get the picture) chances....is faithful and just to forgive us of our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. Will never leave you, nor forsake you. Always there, whether or not you believe Him, see Him, or honor Him. Carries you through the tough times, walks with you during the good times. Will be your knowing guide through ALL times, if you'll let Him. Best if believed in by what He says about Himself, not what everyone else thinks. (see Scripture) but will still be there despite what Agnostics, Atheists, Anarchists or any other "ic" or "ist" has to say. Stop filling the void with other "stuff" and try this free, but not cheap, Jesus.
Name: Joseph
Email: josephsparks@ekno.com
Location: Conyers, GA, USA
Date: Monday, April 5, 2004 at 21:36:02
Used deity ad: I got a god for sale. Some God!!! He set there and watched me go through a life of hell while i cursed his name. He watched me with a knife at my wrist and didn't pull it away, but all i could think was there is something else. there must be something else. He watched my brother get me addicted to drugs. He watched me get teased every single day. He walked around looking at me while i set in a mental instatitution for being crazy. and at my lowest point.. you want to know what he did? While i was sitting in another mental institution for wanting to kill myself, because i had nothing in life worth living for.. I even tried praying the last night i was in there.. he saved me. Not only did he save me he gave me something that everything else in the pathedic world could not, he gave me a joy for life. a reason for being. He gave me his son Jesus Christ knowing that i would look at his followers and tell them fuck your God he isn't real. In the midst of me having nothing to live for and nothing to give i gave it all and he gave me his all. He made me His adopted son. He became my father. Not some dead beat never around dad like mine. He loved me and gave me life. not this pathic existance of get a job get married and die but everlasting life life with The one Who loves me more than ANY other. He is God. He is for sale. today and forever more until the day you die at the cost of your heart. Which it isn't much a bad deal he takes your heart he heals it and makes you into this radicle new creation. Praise God! shoot i ain't givin him up but he has enough to go around for anyone who ask :) God just wants to love you let him in.
Name: Na'weh
Email: yes_im_atheist@yahoo.com
Location: Memphis, TN
Date: Thursday, March 4, 2004 at 00:40:49
Used deity ad: I have for sale one Allah who hates women, but loves men. He is very anal about how clean you are and when your wife is on her period. All for the price of losing your friends, family, and personal sanity @ $10,000 a year. I also have a 3 in 1 combo God available for those who just can't get enough of God. He tells you, you have free will, but at the end of time he will punish you and send you to hell for that free will he personally gave you. I also have assorted gods available in any yoga position at no extra cost to you as long as you stand on your head once a day. Then last but not least I have a ton of books and clothing to go along with your godly lifestyles. I have the following: holy bible, quran, cross, pray rug, hijab and niqab set, long skirts and shirts, and other face veil items including gloves and sunglasses. Oh I almost forgot I have a free instunction manual on how Allah would love for you to wipe your ass in specific anal ways everytime you have to take a dump. You have a blssed day and yall come back! ya hear!
Name: Na'weh
Email: yes_im_atheist@yahoo.com
Location: Memphis, TN
Date: Thursday, March 4, 2004 at 00:40:34
Used deity ad: I have for sale one Allah who hates women, but loves men. He is very anal about how clean you are and when your wife is on her period. All for the price of losing your friends, family, and personal sanity @ $10,000 a year. I also have a 3 in 1 combo God available for those who just can't get enough of God. He tells you, you have free will, but at the end of time he will punish you and send you to hell for that free will he personally gave you. I also have assorted gods available in any yoga position at no extra cost to you as long as you stand on your head once a day. Then last but not least I have a ton of books and clothing to go along with your godly lifestyles. I have the following: holy bible, quran, cross, pray rug, hijab and niqab set, long skirts and shirts, and other face veil items including gloves and sunglasses. Oh I almost forgot I have a free instunction manual on how Allah would love for you to wipe your ass in specific anal ways everytime you have to take a dump. You have a blssed day and yall come back! ya hear!
Name: teara
Location: houston,Texas, u.s.a.
Date: Monday, March 1, 2004 at 12:51:53
Used deity ad: domit it
Name: religionlies
Email: admin@religionlies.com
Date: Saturday, February 7, 2004 at 23:25:28
Used deity ad: one god for sale. "all-powerful, all-knowing, and all-loving" according to the manual. may not be compatible with intelligence. salvation not guaranteed. NOTE: product is for sale "as-is", may not be in working condition. Son not included. All this for only 10% of your gross annual income. Surgeon's General Warning: May cause unwanted pregnancies.
Name: Terry Miller
Email: discgolfwebguy@aol.com
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Date: Thursday, January 29, 2004 at 09:34:56
Used deity ad: my message is so obviously superior no reasonable person would not choose me, but if you don't oh well, no heaven for you, just die and that's it... um, NAAH! How about this, I like this better:
I love you and I want you to live the right way. You must listen to my every order and if you question me, I may have an answer for you and I may not. You may not understand my big plan for you, but just understand that I know what's best for you. If you don't follow my every instruction, it is out of love for you that I will send you to a fiery inferno, and slow roast you where you will experience indescribable pain for eternity. Please know that I threaten you in this manner for your sake. Now, go watch cartoons. Group hug!
Name: Paul Wunder
Email: info@wunderama.com
Location: God Dam, Godimolla
Date: Monday, January 26, 2004 at 21:07:52
Used deity ad: You ask me if I have a God complex. I AM GOD. So come one and all and worship at my feet. You have my solom word I will NEVER ask you to cut off part of your penis! You can take it to the bank.
Paul Wunder
God
Name: Grady
Email: youallknowit@hotmail.com
Date: Friday, January 23, 2004 at 15:21:41
Used deity ad:
they should have little mice playing wit this right now..>Playdo is better then having just a toy spokes man_D,abastard1
Name: Helen
Email: helenpope@yahoo.co.uk
UK
Date: Friday, January 9, 2004 at 10:06:49
Used deity ad: FOR SALE: GOD model Christian one careful lady owner. Some bodywork required but lovely interior finish. Manuals provided. Full service history, genuine mileage.
£399 ONO
Name: God
Email: supreme_being@heaven.com
Date: Friday, January 2, 2004 at 19:39:01
Used deity ad: Goddammitt, quit trying to sell me!
Name: Ty
Email: ty@lostmachine.net
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Date: Thursday, January 1, 2004 at 09:22:39
Used deity ad: Used God for sale: Not great condition but has huge following. Kind, loving and generous on the outside. Insecure, jealous and intolerant on the inside. Has a great sense of humor and likes to play pranks (Genesis 22:1-2). Will grant salvation to believers only, even scumbags! Price: 1 golden calf or best offer. Good hearted, non-believers need not call.
Name: God Ess
Email: The Cosmos
Location: N/A, N/A
Date: Friday, December 12, 2003 at 20:00:23
Used deity ad: I am your one true deity whether you like it or not. I created you, and you shall return to me regardless of any and all circumstances. In fact, you just can't can't get away from me. I am you, and you are me. That voice in your head? My whispers. That's right, you are mine. Ahahahaha!
ALL mine!
Name: alex
Email: alex_alex68@hotmail.com
Date: Sunday, December 7, 2003 at 07:34:36
Used deity ad: ok
Name: Bradley Anonymous
Email: brad968767@yahoo.co.uk
Location: Wankville, (Cuntry) Satanland
Date: Thursday, November 13, 2003 at 08:26:53
Used deity ad: One fully poseable minor deity. Has power to grant wishes, ressurect dead pets and grandma, and comes with working penis (2 inches). Loves you even if you kick his balls! Choking hazard; has small testicles.
Name: GOD
Email: supreme_diety@heaven.com
Date: Thursday, November 6, 2003 at 21:38:25
Used deity ad: What the Fuck?!
Name: Martin
Email: martflakes@hotmail.com
Location: Plymouth, UK
Date: Saturday, October 4, 2003 at 17:21:46
Used deity ad: Going cheap, second hand saviour. Comes with voices in your head, promises of suffering and pain. Rules your life and takes your happiness and spits on it. Easily installed programming, but requires lots of Prozac or similar to uninstall if so required. Easier to swallow than really trying to make your own decisions. Genuine reason for sale. Now have new found aithiesism and sanity.
Name: brenda
Email: nfgurl8614@aol.com
Location: cleveland,oh, duh us
Date: Sunday, September 28, 2003 at 00:01:53
Used deity ad: religion+bible= just to keep people in check or in order
Name: The Mourning Star
Email: themourningstar@velvetgoth.mail.every1.net
Location: Southtown, USA
Date: Wednesday, September 17, 2003 at 08:24:12
Used deity ad: The Mourning Star has desended from the stars to bring its pain unto you. All who appose will scream in agony as acid pours from the skies. The Mourning Star's followers shall not worship, they shall become part of, and we will be known only as LEGION.
Name: Hooked On Phanatics
Email: m_4@outgun.com
Location: Boca Raton, U.S.A.
Date: Tuesday, September 9, 2003 at 13:25:41
Used deity ad: Are you lazy? Prefer to sleep in on sunday? Don't really know what direction to point to actually face Mecca? Had enough of the guilt of being unable/unwilling to live life of "devine" standards?
For a modest fee, I will give you my favorite diety.....me! That's right, I will shepard you in to salvation the easy, pain-free way. For $500.00 a month, or a convenient and cost saving one time, life long payment of $25,000, I will feed you all the salvation you can handle. No tenticles here, no pitchfork-like things, no lightening bolts from the sky either, just a reassuring word when you most need it. With your first payment, I will grant you 30 days of the greatest gift of all....you will not only be able to think for yourself, you will be encouraged to!! Get those checks in early, because once the 30 days are up, you will immediately, and arbitrarily be passed of to some other (far less accomodating) diety until payment has been received. Looking forward to serving all your hysterical cravings for religious direction.....the easy way!!
Name: Shaye
Email: plutootaku@yahoo.com
Location: Grand Rapids, MI, USA
Date: Thursday, September 4, 2003 at 18:46:19
Used deity ad: "One slightly used Jesus for sale. BEST OFFER. Damages include, nail wounds and psychological damages. Jesus claim's he can wash your car and wax it, he's also good for a backscratcher, however he's NOT guarenteeing salvation of any kind, so forget that. Please call 555-0666 if intrested!"
Name: fandango
Email: fandango@fan.ass
Date: Wednesday, September 3, 2003 at 18:09:12
Used deity ad: One pope (globetrotter-version), self-styled vicar of a weird god, overused but still in good state (just change the holy strings). Comes with a superpowers' mantle (cost: 1 million US$), and a whole bunch of purple-clothed minions. I can exchange it with a paganized Galileo or Bruno.
Name: Blayne Sapelli
Email: spytek2k@hotmail.com
Location: Newtown, USA
Date: Friday, August 29, 2003 at 17:30:46
Used deity ad: I will sell my very slightly used christian god for one of the following: 1. Total worldwide anarchist democracy being realized.
2. One hundred billion dollars.
PS: I'll throw in a brand new, unopened Satan if you can give me both!
Name: Blayne Sapelli
Email: spytek2k@hotmail.com
Location: Newtown, USA
Date: Friday, August 29, 2003 at 17:30:28
Used deity ad: I will sell my very slightly used christian god for one of the following: 1. Total worldwide anarchist democracy being realized.
2. One hundred billion dollars.
PS: I'll throw in a brand new, unopened Satan if you can give me both!
Name: Hal 9000
Email: hal9000@hal9000.hal
Date: Thursday, August 28, 2003 at 01:18:02
Used deity ad: AAA: buy one, take three. Directly from Vatican City, recently discovered god, just 2 millenia ago, fair conditions. Sold with revised manual. Highly remunerative fetich, no maintenance costs: only constant propaganda needed. Keep away from childrens and mothers-in-law.
Price: a stress-pill.
Name: Kscribe
Email: kscribe@hotmail.com
Location: reno, usa
Date: Saturday, August 23, 2003 at 20:34:50
Used deity ad: Herbert Armstrong, Wayne Carlson, Ozzie Englebart, Wild Bill Billingsley, GTA, are some of the fucked up minnions representing the hoooly gauud of the bable...Religion sucks! I learned this after 7 yrs of legalism. Fucking crazy how stupid people can be.
Kscribe, an Apathetic Agnostic.
Name: Spin
Location: Cambridge, England
Date: Thursday, August 21, 2003 at 04:55:58
Used deity ad: For Sale 1 David Beckham deity. Dazzles and shines better than any god. Many miracles under his belt, the most famous being his unearthly ability to 'bend it'. Has many followers worldwide (however, the vast majority have never visited the place of his origins). A compassionate diety who takes pity on the needy, sick, poor and those of questionable musical talent. One negative point, while most followers of gods stay loyal to their deity despite wars, famine etc, as soon as Beckham puts a foot wrong this followers will completely slate him, until her scores a winning goal....then they become loyal again....
Name: lucus
Email: sleepless_019@hotmail.com
Location: bournemouth, UK
Date: Tuesday, August 19, 2003 at 10:47:27
Used deity ad: elvis, thought to be dead but alive and kicking in coventry, England. Was a king now a God due to his still growing fan base. worship of this god may course the need for hip replacements later in life due to large amount of jive and swing needed. going for just £19.95 or will swap for a copy of royksopp melody AM.
err thank you very much.
Name: Dani
Location: Wolverhampton, UK
Date: Sunday, July 6, 2003 at 16:55:01
Used deity ad: For Sale - One slightly used Jesus.
Condition - Antique collectors item.
" The perfect gift for any first time religous buyer, not quite a god but not quite a man - many doubt the power of a man in sandals but for your first time religous buy Jesus is a must."
Reason For Sale: I found out in Spain they call Jesus "hey-sus" and its alot more common there.
Trades : Im willing to trade for a Allah, or perhaps two Arch angels.
Atleast 4 Saints from monolithic religions or nearest offer.
Contact: Iwantmyjesus@evil-pop.com
Name: Aristodikos Kouros
Date: Thursday, June 19, 2003 at 11:02:30
Used deity ad: I am the messiah of my personal god, but since so many people doubt his existence I decided it best not to admit to this Messiahdom in case I stopped existing as well.
Name: Aristodikos Kouros
Date: Thursday, June 19, 2003 at 11:02:23
Used deity ad: I am the messiah of my personal god, but since so many people doubt his existence I decided it best not to admit to this Messiahdom in case I stopped existing as well.
Name: Levin Nabashin
Email: genesis_impact@yahoo.com
Location: City of Dis, Nope, I never listen to it.
Date: Wednesday, June 11, 2003 at 02:01:04
Used deity ad: I used to worship myself, and view myself as a personal God... but damn! I suck. So now I just beat people at random, 'till I feel better.
Name: Animus
USA
Date: Tuesday, June 10, 2003 at 00:43:02
Used deity ad: Savior On A Stick. One owner. Good condition, with a few nail holes. Slightly delusional (thinks he's the son of some god thing...). Asking 12 Silver OBO.
Name: lager
Email: lager_beerlegion@yahoo.com
Location: springfield, u.s.a.
Date: Thursday, June 5, 2003 at 12:08:42
Used deity ad: one JEBUS slightly used, appeared in episode of the simpsons. god of beer and gambleing. good as an excuse for war murder and anything else you may think of. priced to sell. $999.99 O.B.O.
Name: no one
Location: no where,
Date: Wednesday, June 4, 2003 at 01:39:12
Used deity ad:
one used mirror; $5.00
Name: Jesus
Date: Tuesday, June 3, 2003 at 22:06:46
Used deity ad: If you are sheep then you definately need to buy one of my shepards. Slightly used, but who isn't? Just don't leave em alone w/ the kids, it may lead to lack of personality, lost individuality, and anal bleeding
Name: Mark Gallow
Email: n/a
Location: I'll tell you when christians stop preaching,
Date: Tuesday, June 3, 2003 at 01:29:56
Used deity ad: STOP, STOP IT NOW, ENOUGH WITH THE FUCKIN BEVER JOKES!!!!!!!!!
Name: Mark Gallow
Email: n/a
Location: GraveYard,
Date: Tuesday, June 3, 2003 at 01:17:39
Used deity ad: "God for sale, was $777, now reduced to clear at $666 lol"
Name: Mark Gallow
Email: n/a
Location: Whever,
Date: Tuesday, June 3, 2003 at 01:13:38
Used deity ad: "God for sale, hang on? that's my old sock!"
Name: Jason
USA
Date: Wednesday, May 28, 2003 at 16:07:10
Used deity ad: For Sale: One God for sale. Mint condition. Comes with a shitty owners manual. Price: 29.25
4.95 S/H
Name: Thomasina
Email: Thomasina@nomail.net
Location: Babylon, Ting
Date: Thursday, May 22, 2003 at 17:20:52
Used deity ad: For sale:- God/Jehovah/Lord/Father/Whatever.
Been following me about since primary school. Sends minions to my doorstep to break my will and take my money. Takes credit for all the cool stuff and blames you for the bad. Not smitten anything for a while. House trained. Belief not included. Free to god home.
Name: Snuff
Email: satanslittlehelper@fierydemon.com
Location: Hotsburg, Hell
Date: Saturday, May 10, 2003 at 05:11:40
Used deity ad: Lord Contradictory
Let go of your common sense and BELEIVE!!! in the name of your lord. I will make sure that all evil prevails and no good that is promised in my latest book (The Bible revised with all the bullshit that can be argued replaced with even more bullshit that can still be argued by no one who beleives). So follow me as I say that everyone will go to a really great place which doesn't exist. see u there.
Name: Snuff
Email: satanslittlehelper@fierydemon.com
Location: Hotsburg, Hell
Date: Saturday, May 10, 2003 at 05:11:24
Used deity ad: Lord Contradictory
Let go of your common sense and BELEIVE!!! in the name of your lord. I will make sure that all evil prevails and no good that is promised in my latest book (The Bible revised with all the bullshit that can be argued replaced with even more bullshit that can still be argued by no one who beleives). So follow me as I say that everyone will go to a really great place which doesn't exist. see u there.
Name: Jon
Email: poppela2sizzel@wmconnect.com
Location: Cleveland, US
Date: Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 20:01:32
Used deity ad: BFG...big fucking guns
Name: Fluffy the Pig
Email: mustals@cwcom.net
Location: Emerald, Oz
Date: Friday, April 18, 2003 at 10:04:01
Used deity ad: One used Yahweh type God, childrens version would suite 7-10 year old, includes convent school education with much valuable acedemic time spent learning god related myths by rote, plus almost daily hand beatings by large black & white 'nuns' using a stylish heavy leather strap to re-enforce myth recital, includes visits to local church to attend marriages, weddings & funerals at the drop of a hat.
Willing to exchange for a decent education plus a chance at a biology or computer science degree.
Name: Lee Arnold
Email: TeknoEspirin@hotmail.com
Location: Somewhere, Australia
Date: Wednesday, April 9, 2003 at 00:10:27
Used deity ad: For Sale: 1 God.
Used, slightly damaged, but still in good condition. Only 3 days old, vulnerable to reality, rationale and common sense. Cheap at $2, the price of the beef pie that I want today.
Name: Adonai
Email: tetragrammatonyodhevowheadonai@hebrews.com
Date: Thursday, April 3, 2003 at 05:51:33
Used deity ad: Have choices always been a problem for you? Do you need someone strong to guide you? One (1) used deity for sale, complete maual of instruction provided by lithium-deprived inbred-kings and several dead popes' and cardinals. You must be deaf, dumb, blind and born to follow, and need someone strong to guide you. Must also be open to betrayal and complete lack of intervention throughout your adherance to blind faith. For the low, low price of your intelligence, logic, morals, and sanity.
Name: blah
Email: none@donte-mailme.com
Date: Wednesday, April 2, 2003 at 18:52:33
Used deity ad: kill a gay baby seal for christ
Name: Steve
USA
Date: Saturday, March 22, 2003 at 04:19:50
Used deity ad: For Sale: One very badly damaged deity found hovering in a corner in the back of my brain. Severe damage inflicted, possibly due to reality beating the shit out of it. Price: 19.95 or whatever you wanna pay.
Name: Evagilon
Email: evagilon@Hotmail.com
Location: San Diego, ca
Date: Saturday, March 15, 2003 at 22:42:01
Used deity ad: For sale...one slightly used deity, Srotum the balony juice catcher.
Name: George Bush
Email: president@whitehouse.gov
Location: Washington, USA
Date: Thursday, February 27, 2003 at 18:07:44
Used deity ad: George Bush
The right hand of the biggest lord that ever lived, delight’s in the holly education and maintenance and then delightful execution of evil doers everywhere on behalf of my weak, thoughtlessly mean little sheep.
Follow me but don’t watch what I do, or compare that to what I say.
God bless you for doing all the things I want you to
Name: collins
Email: santos1@fresnomail.com
Date: Monday, February 10, 2003 at 05:03:28
Used deity ad: iterested in African gods? then get in contact with the godguy now
Name: kolynx tyreck odigwe
Location: Lagos, Nigeria
Date: Monday, February 10, 2003 at 05:02:05
Used deity ad: interested in African gods, then contact the godguy now.
Name: Alan Nigueza
Email: Xashikolauk@hotmail.com
USA
Date: Monday, February 3, 2003 at 23:53:50
Used deity ad: I submit god is my hamster, Howard. He's furry, cuddly, and created the universe in only 7 days. Pretty good for such a little guy!
Name: Radis
Location: Neverland, If
Date: Friday, January 31, 2003 at 10:37:42
Used deity ad: FUCK ALL THE GODS AND RELIGIONS AND WHOEVER INVENTED THEM AND WHOEVER HELPS TO PERPETUATE THE SUFFERING THEY BRING TO MANKIND. AMEN.
Name: Omar
Email: slipknot_pr@msn.com
Location: Trujillo, PR
Date: Sunday, January 19, 2003 at 14:54:35
Used deity ad: talena
Name: natasha
Email: nattybunny@hotmail.com
trinidad
Date: Thursday, January 16, 2003 at 21:10:38
Used deity ad: i dont realy have one ijust like to study all of them
Name: shamash- i mean apollo - ishtar- no venus what? The flood?
Email: Itsallabunchofmythicalbull@hotmail.com
Location: New York, NY,
Date: Thursday, January 16, 2003 at 10:55:41
Used deity ad: I've got a used yahweh vs. Allah vs. jesus three way fighting match game for sale - its interesting to note that all three of them are stuck together- as if they were one. And it has many hands. One hand holds a cross with which it beats the blobs body, the other holds a scimitar with which it slashes itself and the other one just takes sides depending on the circumstances. As you can imagine its in pretty bad shape so I won't charge too much - needs a cash refill about once a day to keep it going.
Name: sophie
Email: zah2aneh@hotmail.com
Location: Lille, France
Date: Saturday, January 4, 2003 at 14:52:05
Used deity ad: i have an original "Allah" for sale due to converting , a bit old but it was hardly ever used , for external use only , sold to the highest bidder .
Name: Andrew
Email: BigRedMachine_CJ7@hotmail.com
Location: Haysville, usa
Date: Saturday, January 4, 2003 at 06:58:56
Used deity ad: FOR SALE
1991 Christian God
faith broken, bad salvation milege, high unfullfiled profocies $777 obo
Name: Godless
Email: TheFunkstronaut@aol.com
Location: Westland, MI., USA
Date: Friday, December 27, 2002 at 02:46:06
Used deity ad: Well, a few years ago, when I was in the ARMY, a few friends and I got really drunk and dressed up a pine-apple in a purple lei. We took this pine-apple to a local bar and dubbed it, The Pine-apple God. Ever since then, Ive never been busted for a DUI, so it seems to work. Price: $1.89, plus $.99 for the lei. Found at local grocery stores.
Name: Ian
Email: ian@ianramsey.net
Location: Kansas City, USA
Date: Thursday, December 26, 2002 at 12:10:13
Used deity ad: Mint condition 4-door used deity. Heated seats, all leather interior. Only one owner, used by old granny to drive to church on Sundays. Useful as justification to prove other people wrong. Invaluable for that polititian in the family. Your ego will never be the same. Price: Your dignity.
Name: keith stansted
Email: keithstansted@yahoo.com
Location: manchetser, uk
Date: Sunday, December 8, 2002 at 17:25:00
Used deity ad: 1 used christian god, offers unconditional love, only condition believe in me or be damned for all eternity! No sex before marriage or masturbation but offers cool crucifix art.
Name: Chicken Little
Email: chacknlittle@yahoo.com
Location: Nashville, USA
Date: Friday, November 29, 2002 at 10:20:40
Used deity ad: For sale: worship rights to TV, sports, technology, the Internet, money, and self. Found all these "teases" to give great "head" during the anticipatory phase, but "peter out" when it comes time to deliver in the long run. Return on investment always falls "short", leaving behind socially transmitted diseases of disappointment, self-loathing, debt, and being forced to recognize allegiance with other, simalarly diluded fatheads. Successful bidder need only close eyes and ears to the obvious, and take over payments.
Name: Lance the Atheist
Email: cat_family6@hotmail.com
NZ
Date: Wednesday, November 20, 2002 at 13:23:24
Used deity ad: I have a MINT CONDITION (stolen) Allah, I will sell him for $100 NZD, you MUST LOCK HIM UP, remember what he did on September 11, 2001?
Name: Vanessa
Email: lunapapillion69@earthlink.net
Location: Kansas City, Smack dab in the middle of bible belt USA
Date: Monday, November 18, 2002 at 22:58:00
Used deity ad: Newly formed god looking for ownership investors. Special deals to fanatical christians, jews, or muslims looking for new opportunity. No longer do you have to read and twist your holy books, this god comes with no manuel. Therefore, you can make up your own dogma with impunity. Requires constant worship and subserviance. First comers can become leaders in this newly formed religion and make oodles of money in this new, pyramid-type, investment by recruiting other investors--only requirement is a loud, booming, and menacing speaking voice. Pick and choose what defines a sin, and your choice of what peoples to oppress and hate. Limited time to get in on the ground floor! No guarantees, and no proof of existence is provided with investment. Act fast, gullible people are abundant and plentiful.
Name: Shedona Chevalier
Email: dotcrap@techie.com
Date: Saturday, November 9, 2002 at 11:19:45
Used deity ad: Free for the taking: one used Satan. Benefits:
great sex (with Him and others, many others),
total-package ticket out of Christianity,
personalized autocentric mythology tailored to
your specifications, delusions of grandeur that
persist in others' consciousness as well, "you
and me against the world" companionship
unsurpassed by any other. Teaches self-
mastery with an impeccable blend of indulgent
encouragement and sadistic discipline. At end
of journey, will release you into bona fide 100%
rational atheism unless you resist. Reason for
selling: end of our journey together long since
reached and mission accomplished. Enjoy!
Name: josh
Email: filth0@yahoo.com
Location: chi-town, usa
Date: Tuesday, October 29, 2002 at 13:21:52
Used deity ad: please some one give me pics (nude or not)of talena Atfield?
Name: yes
Date: Monday, October 28, 2002 at 14:55:18
Used deity ad: stop it! stop whining!
Name: KF1427
Email: mpedersen65@msn.com
Location: New York City, NY
Date: Friday, October 25, 2002 at 11:36:26
Used deity ad: My Deity is more of a voice and he enjoys moping around and killing people please take him away and i agree NUDE talena Atfield pics please
Name: Secular Anarchy
Email: hmiller@no-income-tax.com
USA
Date: Sunday, October 13, 2002 at 13:14:50
Used deity ad: Available for all occasions, weddings, funerals, etc. Can be used before words like “Dam it” or after “Oh”. Great for brainwashing, but not as good as a Jedi’s force. Operators handbook included (bible).
Price: 10% of your income for life.
Name: Audacious Man
Email: audaciousman@yahoo.com
Date: Wednesday, October 9, 2002 at 08:58:48
Used deity ad: One God for sale. Can't see him, feel him, touch him or hear him. Completely unreliable. Price: Give me everything you got.
Name: Radis
Email: cd208@gre.ac.uk
Location: If, Neverland
Date: Monday, October 7, 2002 at 12:10:51
Used deity ad: Used, popular god to sell(BARGAIN!!!)
Answers to the name of Jehova, God, Allah, Bastard...or whatever you like.
Reason: out-dated, off-the-wall & too expensive to run. Price: I'll pay you.
Name: Troy Truchon
Email: sybertrogg@linuxmail.org
Location: Bakersfield CA, usa
Date: Saturday, October 5, 2002 at 00:05:03
Used deity ad: One diety for sale, mostly used for ceremonial diesm, responds to "god damn it".
Name: wheeeeeee
Email: uraeus18@msn.com
Location: Heliopolis,
Date: Tuesday, September 24, 2002 at 22:24:40
Used deity ad: I'm looking for a sun god, preferably of egyptian make. New or late models OK. Vengeful preferred but benevolent will be grudgingly accepted. At least 1,000 years experience would be nice but at this point I'll take any applicant regardless. Ability to smite is a must, and needs to have caused at least one war. In return for their services sacrifices of small childern and misc. endangered animals will be provided on a regular basis. If you have any information or wish to apply please e-mail me, or preform a random act of distruction to get my attention. Noonish would be a good time for that random act of destruction. Or apply in person, or a form mortals can comprehend.
Name: Tre
Email: AtheistWomn@aol.com
Location: Okc, U.S.A.
Date: Thursday, September 5, 2002 at 21:23:21
Used deity ad: This is a all-knowing God that became flesh to save humans from his wrath.Must believe in myths and the power of superstition.Have to be male for this God dose not think females are worthy.Be willing to give up live,self,and the power to think for your self.Must spend your life in book worship to make him happy.Will give to a home that belive in the power of myths.So come ye fools and get a free opportunity to go to heaven if you will buy that I will give you Jesus for free.
Name: abu nidal
Email: docatomvik@aol.com
Location: Iram, South of Oz
Date: Monday, September 2, 2002 at 22:27:42
Used deity ad: Kiegremm, Bokrug, Crom, and Youflenn seek employment as imposters for the four horsemen. They have been bound by the crimson bands of Cytorrak for over three hundred years, and promise that they will only use their powers of destruction to enact revenge on the following entities:
-Dr. Steven Strange
_Lucifer(the light bringer)
-George W Bush
_Gerald Ford
_Lt. Sergeant Bob Alford
-The man called "MANN"
_The Girl From B.O.L.T.
_Red Sonja
-Conan the Cimmerian, and all his offspring, and all THEIR offspring, and everyone associated with them.
Name: Keri Stevenson
Email: anadrel@hotmail.com
Location: Lexington, United States
Date: Saturday, August 31, 2002 at 19:34:38
Used deity ad: Overworn, very used and battered, completely unexpected deity. Reduced to vague perceptions and fears about 'something up there.' Ejected since I am moving to a new, clean mind and cannot keep. Free to home where it will be treated kindly until it dies of starvation (estimated time 2-4 weeks).
Name: chisomo 9 tranalated from the bantu language to english means 'the grace of God'
Location: MK, England
Date: Wednesday, August 28, 2002 at 14:56:20
Used deity ad: im not selling my God. I dont need to because i love him and he loves me and looks after me. He comes free to everyone and anyone whos willing. What has happened in your lives that you hate somthing you dont understand or know of so much? why do you fear God so much? becasue maybe the truth hurts and you dont want to face God becaue you'll realsise things about yourself that you want to keep hidden.WEll dont be scared, take it all to the Lord Jesus christ and he will be there for you. Hate me, Hate God if you wish after all he does give us that choice. But choose God and the knolegde of eternal life and grace and love that lasts forever.
Name: James Russell
Email: almightyllama@hotmail.com
Location: Kingston Upon Hull, United Kingdom
Date: Monday, August 19, 2002 at 20:09:51
Used deity ad: One Anglican God, surprise birth present from atheist father and Catholic mother (and how's that for a compromise?). Used once, no good, batteries obviously not included. Buy this and get FREE: concept of heaven and hell, original sin, reincarnation, islamic world dominance, sacred cows and let's-bend-our-own-rules Eruvs. What a bargain!!!
Name: Steven
Email: steven555453@yahoo.com
Location: Glasgow, USA
Date: Thursday, August 15, 2002 at 21:48:35
Used deity ad: FOR SALE: Used deity. Good condition. Known to suffer from multiple personality disorder. Warning: May be hazardous to your health. Has been known to manipulate minds and give false promises of treasures and utopianism. Handle with Care. First offer will be accepted.
Name: James "Blank" Matchett (not my real name but it sounds cool)
Email: serra666advocate@hotmail.com
Location: Goes, Netherlands, the
Date: Thursday, August 15, 2002 at 14:43:18
Used deity ad: God for free! Totally unused. I found it somewhere when i was cleaning my mind. 'HE' will be there for you when you need to talk (blahblahblah) and he will be your receptionist when you get to heaven.
Name: Megan MacDonald
Location: Thompson, MB, Canada
Date: Monday, August 5, 2002 at 22:35:41
Used deity ad: FOR SALE: God in all His sizes, shapes, and forms. Practically new! Only used by my irritating shoudler angel (so glad I killed that little fucker) when those door to door Bible Thumpers used to come to the house. Asking price: a rock off the street or best offer
Name: WoodWose
Email: greena@rogers.com
Location: toronto, Canada
Date: Saturday, August 3, 2002 at 09:03:45
Used deity ad: USED! In EXCELLENT SHAPE! One deity known as Jehova. Unfortunately, the Jesus element went missing - but this God will be GREAT for the Jewish home. Buy now, and recieve a complete set of Talmud as well, along with your very own ark complete with Ner Tameed!
Name: nsg
Email: hayt2000@hotmail.com
Location: Tucson, USA
Date: Friday, August 2, 2002 at 02:55:14
Used deity ad: Thor, need I say more? By far the coolest deity. Hammer and cool hat included. Makes thunder.
Name: Richard F.
Email: primate2k2@hotmail.com
Location: Frostproof,
Date: Wednesday, July 31, 2002 at 15:51:05
Used deity ad: FREE TO ANY HOME:1 first century "prophet" who calims to be the son of God. Suffers from severe episodes of delusions and tends to have an inflated ego. At times he may hears voices and experiences hallucinations. I am unable to handle his eccentric behavior and emotional outburst.PLEASE TAKE HIM OFF MY HANDS,I'M AFFRAID HIS PSYCHOSIS MAY RUB OFF ON ME!!!
Name: Windy
Email: Windyoceanmoon@msn.com
Location: Coos Bay, OR,
Date: Monday, July 29, 2002 at 11:34:24
Used deity ad: One Classic Southern Baptist God for sale. Big Man in the Sky, long white hair and beard, booming voice. Suffers from Attention Deficit Disorder and Illusions of Grandeur. Buy now and also recieve Jesus as your personal Lord and Hypnotherapist for only the cost of your free thinking mind.
Name: Reformed Door Knocker
Email: onelifetolive@hell.com
Location: Way Down South In Dixie, The Land Of Cotton
Date: Sunday, July 21, 2002 at 23:40:09
Used deity ad: For sale - One used Jehovah. Have to sell now or will have to dispose of Him in the trash. He wants to destroy everyone who does not agree with Him. He changes his personality to suit his needs causing you to always be on the outs with him. He requires too much butt kissing. He will look the other way for some perverts, but destroy others for minor infractions. He expects you to forgive, but has to kill his own son in order to forgive you. Then he has his own group of followers who insist you must bug people on a Saturday morning and make a minimum quota of time knocking on doors or else you share the same fate as the rest of the world - buildings that are on fire will fall on you while the streets are flooded and people are yelling at you then your dead corpse will be eaten by hungry birds while Jehovah's people stand and watch the feast before they have to clean up the rest of the mess and be vegetarians for life.
Name: Charlotte Webb
Date: Saturday, July 13, 2002 at 20:08:36
Used deity ad: SOME GOD
Found by prodigal daughter in SOME pig stall. That's SOME God! How else can you describe the ultimate riddle, the paradox that answers all mysteries. You name it! That's what He/She/It is. Trickster? Terrorist? You name it. He can even commit suicide. The customer is always right. Even if the customer is an atheist. For this is no ordinary God, folks. This is the Unknown God I'm selling. This is DOV'S God. As Yul Brynner said, 'His God--IS God!'" So call toll-free 1-800-SOMEGOD or go to my website www.charlotte'swebsite.com
and get
HUMBLED.
Name: Kitten
Email: ShdwInLight@aol.com
Location: Norfolk, VA, USA
Date: Wednesday, July 10, 2002 at 19:21:03
Used deity ad: ***free to bigoted, unsexual, brutually mindless and ignorant home*** one god known as God (orignial, eh?). this chap seems to have made the world in one day... the world? who cares, just think how great he'll look on your coffee table! this emotionless piece of junk will "listen" to your prayers as you thank him for the crappy life he gave you and as you beg for more! as a bonus prize you'll also receive Jesus! this delusional madman of the Roman Era of Repression of Jews who thought he was the messiah, didn't quite finish the job. in fact, he didn't even stay dead! some sacrifice, eh? bring this homophobic, racist character into your heart and watch the corruption ensue! you can even pass it on to your children at no extra charge!
get your God today! (offer not valid for homosexuals, atheists, pagans, women, or people with open-minds and the smallest bit of intelligence. abuse of said God will result in a null and void contract during which absolutely nothing will happen except your puny brain-washed minds will fear eternal damnation in a place that doesn't exist by a deity that never was.) order today!
Name: Heretic Hannah
Email: h_finley@yahoo.com
Location: Prairie Village, USA
Date: Monday, July 8, 2002 at 13:37:37
Used deity ad: The Holy Schwa is a leftover
conciousness that survived from the
previous universe - complete with
semiomnipotent powers! First to
respond to this ad gets the title of First
Prophet and High Priest/Priestess of
the Holy Schwa. This deity is
brand-new and is guaranteed to have
never been worshipped! Disclaimer:
the Holy Schwa looks like a giant, navy
blue, upside down and backwards
lower case E, and small versions of it
are used in dictionary pronounciation
guides to symbolize the sound "uh." No
responsibility taken for death by
laughing of purchaser's friends due to
use of the Schwa.
Name: Lacey
Email: I_MISS_TWIGGY_86@yahoo.com
Location: Houston, U.S.A.
Date: Sunday, July 7, 2002 at 20:01:38
Used deity ad: Good Condition...Roman Catholicism/Southern Baptist Mix..15 years old..plenty of awards.
Name: Melanie Reinhiller
Email: knightgoby@yahoo.com
Location: Fargo,
Date: Thursday, July 4, 2002 at 12:28:06
Used deity ad: Yours for the taking! A parochial diety who glorifies female degradation, denies His followers higher education, discourages spending time with anyone not of the same faith even if it's a family member, and highly recommends beating your children regularly and publicly! Act now and you can have the Scapegoat Complex thrown in for good measure. This offer open only to those who feel the need to project self-loathing onto their loved ones, fear their natural impulses, and have no tolerance or compassion for others. As an added bonus, a mega-dose of self-righteousness is thrown in. Call 1-800-JW's-R-US for more info.
Name: Melvin Doyle
Email: hydelane@alltel.net
Location: Moultrie, United States
Date: Thursday, June 27, 2002 at 00:11:00
Used deity ad: One God,Passed down to me from my father.High mileage but has been maintained religiously with 10% of my fathers income for the past 50 years.This God does not tolerate well Homos,Atheists and Nonsubmissive Women.Best offer gets it.
Name: dsaf
Email: 12313
Location: a dfasdfasdf, fadfa
Date: Wednesday, June 26, 2002 at 02:56:10
Used deity ad: adfasf
Name: seven
Email: seven@doomedyouth.org
England
Date: Sunday, June 23, 2002 at 05:38:21
Used deity ad: One God for sale, unwanted christmas present, still in box hardly used. Reduced price due to a possible fault in hearing prayers.
Name: Sammidge
Email: anon@there/here.com
Location: Albury, Australie
Date: Tuesday, June 11, 2002 at 06:43:14
Used deity ad: For Sale: Vatican city. Now useless due to change in consumer trends toward buddhism. Urgent sale required to fund legal proceedings due to inappropriate management of choir boys. All remaining funds will be handed back to countries now rendered poor due to previous "salvation" so that assets can be used to buy the oppressed a lexus and an olive tree.
Name: baki
Email: bakibaki@basari.net.tr
Location: ankara, turkey
Date: Monday, June 10, 2002 at 17:47:04
Used deity ad: i want wisdom
Name: Pain
Email: FallenAngel.vol666@web.de
Location: MZ, Germany
Date: Monday, June 10, 2002 at 14:18:02
Used deity ad: .
Name: Ople
Email: letsg0killstuff@aol.com
Location: so cali, so cali
Date: Saturday, June 1, 2002 at 17:55:23
Used deity ad: I'm Looking for people who want to join me in a cult of people who want complete chaos and destruction.
Name: Sara
Email: ManiacJypsi@yahoo.com
Location: Portland, USA
Date: Wednesday, May 29, 2002 at 18:02:32
Used deity ad: For Sale: The God of Joseph Smith. Just over 100 years old, hardly used, VERY WEALTHY! This God gives men the right to have more than one wife, even though his followers decided against this rule. Also, this God offers a fun new dietary and fitness program - no alcohol, caffiene, staying up late (EVER), or sex for enjoyment...EVEN with your devoted spouse!
Adultery includes if your parents EVER, even once, had sex for pleasure...in order to determine your status, trace your family back ten generations and measure their adultery status. If any of these people were adulterers, YOU ARE TOO. Seriously. Adulterers, homosexuals, bisexuals, blacks, Asians, Canadians, Hispanics, Native Americans (excluding the Nephites and/or Laminites), single-wife-bearing husbands, childless mothers and unmarried or barren women need not apply. In fact, no women need apply.
Name: B.Shack
Email: the_b_shadck@hotmail.com
Location: Birmingham, England
Date: Wednesday, May 22, 2002 at 10:37:41
Used deity ad: I've tried to sell my God but so far I've had no takers. Still I've written an advertising poem to show you how stupendously, marvelously, wonderfully my God will look after you if you buy it.
ALL THINGS BAD AND HORRIBLE
Our lives bring frequent sorrows,
All types of stresses find.
God made these great afflictions,
And yet, God should be kind.
All things bad and horrible,
Our troubles stem from there.
God should be all loving but,
God doesn't seem to care.
Volcanoes hurl out fire,
And earthquakes crack the ground,
And tidal waves flood cities,
The people there are drowned.
All things bad and horrible,
Our troubles from there stem,
God should be all powerful,
God doesn't banish them.
We fear that mushroom cloud with,
Its radio-active dust,
God made the laws of science,
And knew they'd be abused.
All things bad and horrible,
Uranium atoms,
God put temptation in our way,
So we could make those bombs.
God made aids virus, spreading,
All germs that make you sick.
The people who believe this,
Should sort their minds out, quick
It's really quite illogical,
But Christian still believe.
From childhood they are taught these things,
until their senses leave.
Who wants to give a good home to a nice little God like that?
Name: dumbass
usa
Date: Friday, May 17, 2002 at 14:29:12
Used deity ad: the socalled God's biggest mistake? 'free-will'/power of choice, how to be so stupid? robots would have been better... o well, began as mud, end as mud, death rules, see? fossils don't support? who cares; man is the supreme power anyway, there is no purpose to life, and if any god IS LiFe, no thanks, rather not have it, even if once i did.
Name: B.Shack
Email: the_b_shack@hotmail.com
Location: Birmingham, England
Date: Thursday, May 16, 2002 at 11:51:00
Used deity ad: I was given my God at baptism and was not asked if I wanted it or not.
My God was looking the other way on September 11th, and during all the disasters that ever hapened to mankind.
I would willingly give my God away but I can't understand how any rational person would take it from me.
WARNING Unscrupulous people are always trying to sell Gods of this quality to you.
Name: Andrew Wallace
Email: caloe66@hotmail.com
Location: Northampton, UK
Date: Thursday, May 9, 2002 at 18:03:32
Used deity ad: Used deity ad: FOR SALE***FOR SALE***FOR SALE***FOR SALE Our Savior's Faeces!!! You all know that the cross on which our Savior hung would have had to have been extremly large or all the fragments of it offered for sale are fakes!! Well now, after years of extensive searching in the desert where Jesus spent his solitary reflection, I am pleased and proud to announce that I have collected and AUTHENTICATED THE SAVIORS SHIT!!! I need not tell you the obvious health benefits to be gained by the consumption of a sliver of the divine doodoo. ETERNAL LIFE ON EARTH WITHOUT THE PAIN OF PASSING ON when you eat the holy turd because it has the power, being genetically un-modified and pure, to CURE ALL AILMENTS!! To order all you have to do is send me an e-mail and I will send you details on how you can obtain the crap of Our Lord. Please bear in mind however that, unlike the cross on which He hung, His shit is of limited size and (and quantity) and the price will have to reflect the time and effort I spent in collecting the bottom boulders. This unrepeatable offer is set at £5000.00 per gramme but hurry; when it's gone, it's gone!!
Name: John Kirk Saddler
Email: fusionblade@hotmail.com
Location: Phoenix, USA
Date: Wednesday, May 8, 2002 at 20:22:31
Used deity ad: I am the greatest God!
Name: Whit16
USA
Date: Thursday, May 2, 2002 at 15:37:38
Used deity ad: GODS!! Plenty to choose from. Going out of business. Retiring. Getting too old to keep them in control. Especially Mohammed. Koran thrown in for free.Looking for a good home. Only thing promise to keep them locked up. (Look what happenened on 9/11. I went on vacation for a few days and left Mohammed with my faggot errand boy Osama to watch)
Name: Whit16
USA
Date: Thursday, May 2, 2002 at 15:37:03
Used deity ad: GODS!! Plenty to choose from. Going out of business. Retiring. Getting too old to keep them in control. Especially Mohammed. Koran thrown in for free.Looking for a good home. Only thing promise to keep them locked up. (Look what happenened on 9/11. I went on vacation for a few days and left Mohammed with my faggot errand boy Osama to watch)
Name: M. A. Connor
Email: mc312899@ohiou.edu
Date: Wednesday, May 1, 2002 at 11:51:30
Used deity ad: God- a good investment for those who are too stupid to understand the complexity of biology and the processes of evolution. It's also great for those who lack self-confidence!
Name: SecularOne
Email: horace_miller@hotmail.com
Date: Monday, April 29, 2002 at 02:27:07
Used deity ad: Doesn’t do crap but wait for people to confuse coincidence with miracles, or prayers answered. Needs new flame thrower.
Name: John Sager
Email: sager@byelectric.com
Location: Yankton, United States
Date: Saturday, April 27, 2002 at 20:34:44
Used deity ad: No longer performs miracles, just waits for them to happen. Has affairs with everyone wives. Highly reccommended!
Name: Jesse Fuller
Email: jeshii@hotmail.com
Location: Isla Vista, United States
Date: Thursday, April 25, 2002 at 02:17:28
Used deity ad: Pitsutsu! This one time offer of the garbage disposal and computer lab demon-thing is something you can't miss! He's big, fat, smelly, and lives in either your broken down computer lab or your garbage disposal! He loves omlettes and attracts lots of ants! Just imagine coming home to a completly horrible smelling room every day! Some chaote left him in my garbage disposal, and after a little convincing, he moved to the computer lab where I work. But you can now own the smelly, the putrid, the unbearable, Pitsutsu! Act now and Kozutsu, the god of speedy delivery from Japan to California will bless your next package.
Name: Robert T. Lee
Date: Thursday, April 18, 2002 at 23:11:08
Used deity ad: Hi, its Robert T. Lee, Head of the Society for the Practical Establishment and Perpetuation of the TEN COMMANDMENTS. I used to be a worshiper before my fanaticism reached an all time high. Now that I am God and all laws come from Me, I will now sell My glorius self to the highest bidder.
To give you a feel for My daily life, pay attention to My dairy entries, so that you may "know" Me.
12/13/01 YUMMY, MOOSE CUM! IT TASTES THE BEST WHEN ITS NICE AND ROTTEN! WHAT MAKES THIS ROAD-KILL I DRAGGED IN LAST NIGHT TASTE SO GOOD? I HOPE POKEMON IS ON, I REALLY WANT TO FUCK THOSE LITTLE ANIMALS WHEN DAD GETS HOME SO HE CAN JOIN IN! PLEASE, JESUS, PERFORM THE SECOND CUMMING IN MY MOUTH AND I PROMISE I'LL SHALLOW! *BUZZ* *BUZZ* VIBRATORS ARE GETTING SO BORING! I NEED JESUS'S LOVE IN ASS TO BE SAVED!
12/18/01 Opps, forgot to breathe! I am such an moron sometimes. Come here, Mom, your fat butt-cheaks get me off! Oh, sorry about the rug, Dad. NO! Don't cut off my thumb! AGGRAHHHH! Huff, huff. Blood! Cool! Lick it up! No, Dad, don't hit me! OW! It's okay, I got three on the other hand. Oh no, blood ticks! They're all over me! Better eat them. Tastes like Dad's hairy penis. I could use that right now. Come here, Dad, get me some hunk of incest love! UMMMM! YEESSS! AHHHH! Yes, that's right, Mom, sit on my face. Your fat, hairy cheaks feel so good against my cheaks. I NEED YOU MOMMY! I NEED YOU NOW!! YES! YES! THAT'S RIGHT, PISS ON MY FACE AND IN MY MOUTH! YES! YES! GOOD! GOOD! The people on the internet are bad! They say stuff I don't like! I LIKE THIS THOUGH! YES, MORE! MORE! Yes, Daddy, you can join in! Yes, more up the ass! No, too far, now I'm bleeding! Stop it Dad! Stop it! NOOOO!
12/21/01 Yes, more rags on my bleeding ass. Oh ow! So much pain! Why does God do this to me! I love Him so much! I NEED HIM! YES, LORD! Join me under my deck with all my Pokemon toys. They're kind of sticky, sorry. My dead aunt's body is also down there somewhere. The last time I tried to give her a hug, I got "feelings" and she hit me and called me a "prevert" Well now she's all MINE! Oh, sorry, I made more wettness down there. LOVE ME LORD! IN MY TIGHT LITTLE ASS!
12/23/01 Why won't the blood stop flowing? I prayed all night. I NEED Jesus! Oh, sorry, wettness again. Oh look at my sister, all fat and just lying there. I mean I could just put my penis in her while she sleeps! Oh no, she pissed on me, now I'm yellow like Pik-ah-choo! Better lick it off, nice. Now I hit her and call her bad. Oh no, I knocked her dead. Hmmmm, now she can't fight back. Dick in the hole, like Mommy showed me. YES!
12/31/01 OH GOD, I'M BLEEDING FROM BOTH ENDS AND MY SISTER'S DEAD! I want to suck on her nipple a little longer, but Dad won't let me, he wants some. And now he's hitting me in the mouth and my lip's bleeding. I kick him off my dead sister and then I suck a little longer on her nipple and her ass too. Dad now's behind me and he wants both me and my dead sister at the same time. I'm okay with that! I go into him and he goes into her! FUN!
1/02/02 My little penis hurts! PAIN! PAIN! I'M CUMMING BLOOD NOW! I NOW MAKE LITTLE DEAD SISTER DRINK IT, NOW I'M LIKE JESUS! YES, BLOOD OF THE LAMB, BLOOD OF THE LAMB!
1/03/02 Now Dad's really mad. He's saying "So you want your dick to be like Jesus." NO, DAD DON'T CUT MY PENIS WITH THAT RUSTY SAW! NO! No! He cut it off! Now he's nailing it to that big cross that he usually uses to burn on people's front lawns.
1/04/02 I WILL NOW GET DOWN ON MY KNEES AND WORSHIP MY BLEEDING PENIS! YES! MY PENIS IS THE ONE TRUE PATH OF SALVATION! IT'S BLOOD WILL BRING BACK DEAD SISTER SO I MAY FUCK HER SOME MORE!
1/09/02 I miss it already. Hey! Maybe I can fuck myself, then I'll achive true masturbation! I'll just present my ass to my God. Almost there! Ha! Out I missed that! Oh no, Dad's come up while I was busy and now he's nailing me to it! OW! My penis is now stuck up my ass! OW! DEAD SISTER HELP ME!
1/14/02 DEAD SISTER! I WANT TO FUCK YOU! But I can't! My little penis is stuck up my ass as I'm nailed to this cross! And dead sister is covered in my semen.
1/15/02 My daddy is great. HA HA HA. Oh shit, my piss came out of that hole where my dick was, now it's all other me! GAMES! GAMES! DADDY! IN MY MOUTH! COME ON! UHHHUUUHMMMHMHHUUMMMM! YES! YES! YES! DDDDDAAAAAAADDDDDYYYYYYYY I LOVE YOU!!! KILL ME! JESUS SAID SO!
Name: Robert T. Lee
Date: Thursday, April 18, 2002 at 23:10:20
Used deity ad: Hi, its Robert T. Lee, Head of the Society for the Practical Establishment and Perpetuation of the TEN COMMANDMENTS. I used to be a worshiper before my fanaticism reached an all time high. Now that I am God and all laws come from Me, I will now sell My glorius self to the highest bidder.
To give you a feel for My daily life, pay attention to My dairy entries, so that you may "know" Me.
12/13/01 YUMMY, MOOSE CUM! IT TASTES THE BEST WHEN ITS NICE AND ROTTEN! WHAT MAKES THIS ROAD-KILL I DRAGGED IN LAST NIGHT TASTE SO GOOD? I HOPE POKEMON IS ON, I REALLY WANT TO FUCK THOSE LITTLE ANIMALS WHEN DAD GETS HOME SO HE CAN JOIN IN! PLEASE, JESUS, PERFORM THE SECOND CUMMING IN MY MOUTH AND I PROMISE I'LL SHALLOW! *BUZZ* *BUZZ* VIBRATORS ARE GETTING SO BORING! I NEED JESUS'S LOVE IN ASS TO BE SAVED!
12/18/01 Opps, forgot to breathe! I am such an moron sometimes. Come here, Mom, your fat butt-cheaks get me off! Oh, sorry about the rug, Dad. NO! Don't cut off my thumb! AGGRAHHHH! Huff, huff. Blood! Cool! Lick it up! No, Dad, don't hit me! OW! It's okay, I got three on the other hand. Oh no, blood ticks! They're all over me! Better eat them. Tastes like Dad's hairy penis. I could use that right now. Come here, Dad, get me some hunk of incest love! UMMMM! YEESSS! AHHHH! Yes, that's right, Mom, sit on my face. Your fat, hairy cheaks feel so good against my cheaks. I NEED YOU MOMMY! I NEED YOU NOW!! YES! YES! THAT'S RIGHT, PISS ON MY FACE AND IN MY MOUTH! YES! YES! GOOD! GOOD! The people on the internet are bad! They say stuff I don't like! I LIKE THIS THOUGH! YES, MORE! MORE! Yes, Daddy, you can join in! Yes, more up the ass! No, too far, now I'm bleeding! Stop it Dad! Stop it! NOOOO!
12/21/01 Yes, more rags on my bleeding ass. Oh ow! So much pain! Why does God do this to me! I love Him so much! I NEED HIM! YES, LORD! Join me under my deck with all my Pokemon toys. They're kind of sticky, sorry. My dead aunt's body is also down there somewhere. The last time I tried to give her a hug, I got "feelings" and she hit me and called me a "prevert" Well now she's all MINE! Oh, sorry, I made more wettness down there. LOVE ME LORD! IN MY TIGHT LITTLE ASS!
12/23/01 Why won't the blood stop flowing? I prayed all night. I NEED Jesus! Oh, sorry, wettness again. Oh look at my sister, all fat and just lying there. I mean I could just put my penis in her while she sleeps! Oh no, she pissed on me, now I'm yellow like Pik-ah-choo! Better lick it off, nice. Now I hit her and call her bad. Oh no, I knocked her dead. Hmmmm, now she can't fight back. Dick in the hole, like Mommy showed me. YES!
12/31/01 OH GOD, I'M BLEEDING FROM BOTH ENDS AND MY SISTER'S DEAD! I want to suck on her nipple a little longer, but Dad won't let me, he wants some. And now he's hitting me in the mouth and my lip's bleeding. I kick him off my dead sister and then I suck a little longer on her nipple and her ass too. Dad now's behind me and he wants both me and my dead sister at the same time. I'm okay with that! I go into him and he goes into her! FUN!
1/02/02 My little penis hurts! PAIN! PAIN! I'M CUMMING BLOOD NOW! I NOW MAKE LITTLE DEAD SISTER DRINK IT, NOW I'M LIKE JESUS! YES, BLOOD OF THE LAMB, BLOOD OF THE LAMB!
1/03/02 Now Dad's really mad. He's saying "So you want your dick to be like Jesus." NO, DAD DON'T CUT MY PENIS WITH THAT RUSTY SAW! NO! No! He cut it off! Now he's nailing it to that big cross that he usually uses to burn on people's front lawns.
1/04/02 I WILL NOW GET DOWN ON MY KNEES AND WORSHIP MY BLEEDING PENIS! YES! MY PENIS IS THE ONE TRUE PATH OF SALVATION! IT'S BLOOD WILL BRING BACK DEAD SISTER SO I MAY FUCK HER SOME MORE!
1/09/02 I miss it already. Hey! Maybe I can fuck myself, then I'll achive true masturbation! I'll just present my ass to my God. Almost there! Ha! Out I missed that! Oh no, Dad's come up while I was busy and now he's nailing me to it! OW! My penis is now stuck up my ass! OW! DEAD SISTER HELP ME!
1/14/02 DEAD SISTER! I WANT TO FUCK YOU! But I can't! My little penis is stuck up my ass as I'm nailed to this cross! And dead sister is covered in my semen.
1/15/02 My daddy is great. HA HA HA. Oh shit, my piss came out of that hole where my dick was, now it's all other me! GAMES! GAMES! DADDY! IN MY MOUTH! COME ON! UHHHUUUHMMMHMHHUUMMMM! YES! YES! YES! DDDDDAAAAAAADDDDDYYYYYYYY I LOVE YOU!!! KILL ME! JESUS SAID SO!
Name: Roren.
Date: Thursday, April 18, 2002 at 22:58:56
Used deity ad: I used to worship this virgin named Mary, but she never gave head like I demanded. So I started looking in her son, but he was cut and also whacked off with those holes in his hands. Holy Spirt was nothing but Casper with no balls. And the Father wanted to be on top, so I had to beat him until he got submissive. Satan was unforuntnately castrated before he was thrown in the lake of fire. I got all five in my den, each "use" costs $25 an hour. Enjoy a taste of religion.
Name: THE RESURRECTION OF CHRIST IS A HISTORICAL FACT!
Email: www.equip.org
Location: HEAVEN,
Date: Thursday, April 18, 2002 at 01:30:26
Used deity ad: It is a somewhat difficult matter to distinguish between Christian doctrines and facts. The doctrines of Christianity are doctrines only because they are facts; and the facts of Christianity become its most indispensable doctrines. The Incarnation of the eternal God is necessarily a dogma: no human eye could witness his stooping to man's estate, no human tongue could bear witness to it as a fact. And yet, if it be not a fact, our faith is vain, we are yet in our sins. On the other hand, the Resurrection of Christ is a fact, an external occurrence within the cognizance of men to be established by their testimony. And yet, it is the cardinal doctrine of our system: on it all other doctrines hang.
There have been some, indeed, who have refused to admit the essential importance of this fact to our system; and even so considerable a critic as Keim has announced himself as occupying this standpoint. Strauss saw, however, with more unclouded eye, truly declaring the fact of Christ's resurrection to be "the center of the center, the real heart of Christianity," on which its truth stands or falls. To this, indeed, an older and deeper thinker than Strauss had long ago abundantly witnessed. The modern skeptic does but echo the words of the apostle Paul. Come what may, therefore, modern skepticism must be rid of the resurrection of Christ. It has recognized the necessity and has bent all its energies to the endeavor.
But the early followers of the Savior also themselves recognized the paramount importance of this fact; and the records of Christianity contain a mass of proof for it, of such cogent variety and convincing power, that Hume's famous dilemma1 recoils on his own head. It is more impossible that the laws of testimony should be so far set aside, that such witness should be mistaken, than that the laws of nature should be so far set aside that a man should rise from the dead. The opponents of revelation themselves being witnesses, the testimony of the historical books of the New Testament if the testimony of eyewitnesses is amply sufficient to establish this, to them, absolutely crushing fact. It is admitted well-nigh universally that the Gospels contain testimony for the resurrection of Christ, which, if it stand, proves that fact; and that if Christ rose from the dead all motive for, and all possibility of, denial of any supernatural fact of Christianity is forever removed.
Of course, it has become necessary, then, for the deniers of a supernatural origin to Christianity to impeach the credibility of these witnesses. It is admitted that if the Gospel account be truly the testimony of eye-witnesses, then Christ did rise from the dead; but it is immediately added that the Gospels are late compositions which first saw the light in the second century—that they represent, not the testimony of eye-witnesses, but the wild dreams of a mythological fancy or the wilder inventions of unscrupulous forgery; and that, therefore, they are unworthy of credit and valueless as witnesses to fact. Thus, it is proclaimed, this alleged occurrence of the rising of Jesus from the dead, is stripped of all the pretended testimony of eye-witnesses; and all discussion of the question whether it be fact or not is forever set aside—the only question remaining being that which concerns itself with the origin and propagation of this fanatical belief.
It is in this position that we find skepticism entrenched- a strong position assuredly and chosen with consummate skill. It is not, however, impregnable. There are at least two courses open to us in attacking it. We may either directly storm the works, or, turning their flank, bring our weapons to bear on them from the rear. The authenticity of our Gospels is denied We may either prove their authenticity and hence the autoptic character of the testimony they contain; or, we may waive all question of the books attacked, and, using only those which are by the skeptics themselves acknowledged to be genuine, prove from them that the resurrection of Christ actually occurred. 2
The first course, as being the most direct, is the one usually adopted. Here the battle is intense; but the issue is not doubtful. Internally, those books evince themselves as genuine. Not only do they proclaim a teaching absolutely original and patently divine, but they have presented a biography to the world such as no man or body of men could have concocted. No mythologists could have invented a divine-human Personality —assigned the exact proportions in which his divinity and humanity should be exhibited in his life, and then dramatized this character through so long a course of teaching and action without a single contradiction or inconsistency. That simple peasants have succeeded in a task wherein a body of philosophers would have assuredly hopelessly failed, can be accounted for only on the hypothesis that they were simply detailing actual facts.
Again, there are numerous evidently undesigned coincidences in minute points to be observed between the book of Acts and those Epistles of Paul acknowledged to be genuine, which prove beyond a peradventure that book to be authentic history. The authenticity of Acts carries that of the Gospel of Luke with it; and the witness of these two establishes the Resurrection.
But, aside from all internal evidence, the external evidence for the authenticity of the New Testament historical books is irrefragable. The immediate successors of the apostles possessed them all and esteemed them as the authoritative documents of their religion. One of the writers of this age (placed by Hilgenfeld in the first century) quotes Matthew as Scripture: another explicitly places Acts among the "Holy Books," a collection containing on common terms the Old Testament and at least a large part of the New: all quote these historical books with respect and reverence. There is on external, historical grounds no room left for denying the genuineness of the Gospels and Acts; and hence, no room left for denying the fact of the Resurrection. The result of a half-century's conflict on this line of attack has resulted in the triumphant vindication of the credibility of the Christian records.
We do not propose, however, to fight this battle over again at this time. The second of the courses above pointed out has been less commonly adopted, but leads to equally satisfactory results. To exhibit this is our present object. The most extreme schools of skepticism admit that the book of Revelation is by St. John; and that Romans, 1 and 2 Corinthians, and Galatians are genuine letters of St. Paul.3 Most leaders of anti-Christian thought admit other epistles also; but we wish to confine ourselves to the narrowest ground. Our present task, then, is, waiving all reference to disputed books, to show that the testimony of these confessedly genuine writings of the apostles is enough to establish the fact of the Resurrection. We are even willing to assume narrower ground. The Revelation is admitted to be written by an eye-witness of the death of Christ and the subsequent transactions; and the Book of Revelation testifies to Christ's resurrection. In it he is described as One who was dead and yet came to life (ii. 8), and as the first-begotten of the dead (i. 5). Here, then, is one admitted to have been an eye-witness testifying of the Resurrection. For the sake of simplifying our argument, however, we will omit the testimony of Revelation and ask only what witness the four acknowledged Epistles of Paul-Romans, 1 and 2 Corinthians, and Galatians bear to the fact that Christ rose from the dead.
It is plain on the very first glance into these Epistles that they have a great deal to say about this Resurrection. Our task is to draw out the evidential value of their references.
We would note, then, in the first place, that Paul claims to be himself an eye-witness of a risen Christ. After stating as a fact that Christ rose from the dead and enumerating his various appearances to his followers, he adds: "And last of all, as unto one born out of due time, he appeared to me also" (1 Cor. xv. 8 ) . And again, he bases his apostleship on this sight, saying (1 Cor. ix. 1), "Am I not an apostle? Have I not seen Jesus our Lord?" His "sight" of the Lord Jesus was, therefore of such a kind that it constituted a call to the apostleship. It was not, then, a simple sight of Jesus before his crucifixion: as is also proved from the fact that it was after all the appearances which he vouchsafed after his resurrection to his other followers, that Paul saw him ( 1 Cor. xv. 8 ). It remains true, then, that Paul claims to be an eye-witness of the fact that Christ had risen. It will not do to say that Paul claims only to have had a "theophany" as it were-a "sight" of Christ's spirit living, which would not imply the resurrection of his body. As Beyschlag has long ago pointed out, the whole argument in 1 Cor. xv being meant to prove the bodily resurrection of believers from the resurrection of Christ, necessitates the sense that Paul, like the other witnesses there adduced saw Christ in the body. Nor is it difficult to determine when Paul claims to have seen Christ: it is admitted by all that it was this "sight" that produced his conversion and called him to the apostleship. According to Gal. i. 19 both calls were simultaneous.
Tracing his conversion thus to, and basing his apostleship on, the resurrection of Christ, it is not strange that Paul has not been able to keep his Epistles from bristling with marks of his intense conviction of the fact of the Resurrection. Compare, e.g., Romans i. 4; iv. 24, 25; v. 10; vi. 4, 5, 8, 9 10, 11, 13; vii. 4; viii. 11, 34; x. 7, 9; xiv. 9. We cannot, therefore, without stultification deny that Paul was thoroughly convinced that he had seen the risen Jesus; and the skeptics themselves feel forced to admit this fact.
What, then, shall we do with this claim of Paul to be an eye-witness? Shall we declare his "sight" to have been no true sight, but a deceiving vision? Paul certainly thought it bodily and a sight. But we are told that Paul was given to seeing visions-that he was in fact of that enthusiastic spiritual temperament-like Francis of Assisi for instance-which fails to distinguish between vivid subjective ideas and external facts. But, while it must be admitted that Paul did see visions, all sober criticism must wholly deny that he was a visionary. Waiving the fact that even Paul's visions were externally communicated to him and not the projections of a diseased imagination, as well as all general discussion of the elements of Paul's character, this visionary hypothesis is shattered on the simple fact that Paul knew the difference between this "sight" of Jesus and his visions, and draws the distinction sharply between them. This "sight" was, as he himself tells us, the last of all; and the only vision which on our opponents' principles can be attributed to him, that recorded in 2 Cor. xii is described by Paul in such a manner as to draw the contrast very strongly between his confidence in this "sight" and his uncertainty as to what had happened to him then. Of course, no appeal can be properly made to the "false" history of the Acts; but, if attempted, it is sufficient to say that according to Acts Paul saw Jesus after this sight of 1 Cor. xv; but that this was in a trance (Acts XXii. 18 ff.),.), and in spite of it the sight of 1 Cor. xv was the "last" time Jesus was seen. In other words, Paul once more draws a strict distinction between his "visions" and this "sight."
It is instructive to note the methods by which it is attempted to make this visionary hypothesis more credible. A graphic picture is drawn by Baur, Strauss, and Renan,, of the physical and psychological condition of St. Paul. He had been touched by the steadfastness of the Christians; he was deeply moved by the grandeur of Stephen's death; had begun to doubt within himself whether the resurrection of Christ had not really occurred; and, sick in body and distracted in mind, smitten by the sun or the lightning of some sudden storm, was prostrated on his way to Damascus and saw in his delirium his- awful self-imagined vision. It would be easy to show that the important points of this picture are contradicted by Paul himself: he knows nothing of distraction of mind or of opening doubts before the coming of the catastrophe (cf. Gal. i. 13 ff.). It would be easy, again, to show that, brilliant as it is, this picture fails to account for the facts, notably for the immense moral change (recognized by Paul himself) by which he was transformed from the most bloodthirsty of fanatics to the tenderest of saints. But, it will be sufficient for our present purpose to not only that all that renders it plausible is its connection with certain facts recorded only in that "unbelievable" history, the Acts. We find ourselves, then, in this dilemma: if Acts be no true history, then these facts cannot be so used; if Acts be true history, then Paul's conversion occurred quite otherwise; and again, if Acts be true, then so is Luke's Gospel; and Acts and Luke are enough to authenticate the resurrection of Christ. In either case, our cause is won.
In regard to this whole visionary scheme we have one further remark to make: it is to be noted that even were it much more plausible than it is, it still would not be worth further consideration. For, Paul believed in the fact of the resurrection of Christ not only because he had seen the Lord, but also on the testimony of others. For, we would note in the second place that Paul introduces us to other eye-witnesses of the resurrection of Christ. He founded his gospel on this fact; and in Gal. ii. 6 ff. he tells us his gospel was the same as was preached by Peter, James, and John. Peter, James, and John, then, believed with the same intensity that Christ rose from the dead. We have already seen that this testimony as to John at least, is supported by what he himself has written in the Apocalypse. In consistency with the inference, again, Paul explicitly declares in 1 Cor. xv. 3 ff., that the risen Christ was seen not only by himself but by Cephas, James, and indeed all the apostles; and that, more than once. Even more: he states that he was seen by over five hundred brethren at once, the most of whom were still living when Paul wrote this letter, and whose witness-bearing he invokes. Here, Paul brings before us a cloud of witnesses.
In respect to them the following facts are worth pointing out. These witnesses were numerous; there were at least five hundred of them. They were not a mere unknown mob: we know somewhat of several of them and know them as practical men. The most of them were still living when Paul wrote, and he could appeal to them to bear testimony to the Corinthians.
The result of all of which is that this notice in 1 Cor. is equivalent to their individual testimony. Paul is admitted to be a sober and trustworthy writer; this Epistle is admitted to be genuinely his; and he here in a contemporary document challenges an appeal to living eye-witnesses. He could not have made this confident appeal had not these men really professed, soberly and earnestly, to have seen the risen Christ. We have, then, not only Paul claiming to be an eye-witness of the Resurrection; but a large number of men, over two hundred and fifty of whom were known to be still living when he wrote. We have to account not for the claim of one man that he had seen Jesus alive after he- had died, but for the same claim put in by a multitude. Will any arguing that Paul sometimes saw visions serve our purpose here? And there is still another point which is worth remarking. The witnesses here appealed to are the original disciples and apostles of our Lord. From this, two facts follow: the one, the original disciples believed they had seen the risen Lord; and the other, they claimed to have seen him on the third day after his |
